Guys have to wear
them--unless they're from France, where les hommes
are often rumored to go without underwear. A glut of men's
undergarments--boxers, briefs, boxer-briefs and something
disturbingly called "the pouch"--makes choosing a hairy ordeal.
WW gets to the bottom of things, so to speak.
1. Banana Republic Gingham Boxer ($14.50 at Banana
Republic, various locations)
The BR undergarment had much promise: There was the Cary
Grant-ish look to it, the material that breathes, the fly,
which had clearly been designed by someone who understands
the gentle physics involved with a buttonless fly. And,
largely, the shorts delivered on this promise--they are
a comfortable, uncomplicated piece of clothing. Unfortunately,
the long-hanging hem has a tendency to bunch up when met
by the overlaying pants.
2. Jockey Pouch
($12.50 at JC Penney)
Overcoming severe displeasure with this style's name, I
suited up. And that really is how you feel when you pull
these--snap!--into position. These unders are from the 'tween
school of men's attire--they ain't exactly boxers and they
ain't exactly briefs. They are long, but close fitting.
Because of the black color and second-skin fit, I felt like
I was in the NBA. I liked that. The whole day I wore them,
it wasn't really me going about my workaday routine, but
Walt "The Wizard" Williams. Swoop! I made a break for the
copier. Wooof! I wheeled my chair to answer the phone. These
shorts gave me a false sense of excellence, and for that
I am grateful.
3. Natural Issue Silk Boxers ($20 at Meier &
Frank)
Hollywood lore has it that the great Erich von Stroheim,
while directing a large battle scene, once arranged for
all the soldiers to wear silk underwear. An understandably
incredulous producer asked why, if no one in the audience
could see what the soldiers had on underneath their clothes,
did it matter what kind of shorts the men wore? Von Stroheim
reportedly answered that the actors would know, and it would
make them act more bravely. The man had a point. If not
exactly more brave, I certainly felt a little kingly in
these silks.
4. Joe Boxer Solid Gripper
($14 at Emporium)
I'm guessing that the "gripper" in this pair's name refers
to the way the tapered hems help the legs hold--or grip--one's
thighs. Another 'tween version, the JBs are different from
the Jockeys because they hang more casually. This is a fine
quality for anyone who doesn't possess delusions of playing
pro ball. But the $4 difference in price seems to have gone
toward the waistband--grandly embossed in big, black letters
with the words "JOE BOXER." I felt like I shouldn't lean
too low in this pair, not for fear of giving the world an
eyeful, but because I didn't want to be an advertising banner.
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Willamette Week | originally
published March 15,
2000
|
Wonder Wear 
