Men and their razors.
Stephen Sondheim wrote an entire musical about a blood-thirsty
barber. In Barcelona, Chris Eigeman's character worries
he's been shaving in the wrong direction his entire life.
We went beneath the blade to suss the cleanest, least anxiety-inducing
shave.
*Prices are approximate; razors can be purchased at most
area groceries.
1. Gillette Sensor
$6.39 for one razor plus two
blades*
The Bar Mitzvah blade, this shaver remains a rite of passage
for adolescent boys breaking away from their disposables.
Said to be the first razor to feature "floating" blades--where
the razor's head pivots nimbly on its axis, accommodating
the face's peculiar crannies--the Sensor is a fine device
capable of providing a smooth-enough shave with only a modicum
of discomfort. Its bullet-gray handle and rubber bar-code
grip connote a time in design when the future seemed predicated
on Tron technology. When Anthony Michael Hall got
the girl in Sixteen Candles, she asked him to guess
what she liked best about their night. "My clean, close
shave?" Hall squeaked, and a theater full of puberty-stricken
lads nodded admiringly.
2. Gillette Mach 3
$6.79 for one razor plus two
blades
The razor to end all razors? There's no question the triple-blade,
vertical design delivers a shave as close as the '78 pennant
race between the Yanks and Red Sox, but for my tender throat
it was almost too much razor. That is, the Mach 3 left my
neck irritated. Additionally, the silver and black-rubber
handle--really just a smoothed version of the Sensor's grip--looks
drably robotic. I say: Don't believe the hype.
3. Schick Protector
$4.69 for one razor plus two
blades
Schick's answer to the Mach 3 may be rigged with only two
blades--Mock 2?--but it comes tricked out with so many compensatory
bells and whistles that it could very well be the home groomer's
best deal. For about $2 less, it provides as slick a shave
as Gillette's giant--with less nasty red-necking. The hydraulic
head could negotiate the most treacherous of Kirk Douglasian
clefts, and the ergonomic scarlet handle curves in all the
right places, like some kind of mini-Ava Gardner. It's doubtful
old Hollywood would abide the poncey safety wires (whisker-thin
metal wires running across the blades) or the "Ultra Glide
Comfort Strip," protective cover and plastic stand, but
this reviewer appreciates Schick's attention to accouterment.
4. Bic Twin Select Tough Beard
$2.59 for five disposable razors
Though decent for a disposable, Bic's Tough Beard just
isn't strong enough for even one day's growth. Its two blades
try gallantly, but by the end of my shave I felt as if I
were dragging a hot hoe across my face. Still, if you're
traveling and just need something cheap and fast, this one
beats most other disposables. To minimize facial Parmesan,
try using two razors per shave.
5. Barber Shop Shave
$12 plus tip at The Tonsorial
Parlor, 411 SW 3rd Ave., 222-6521
Most Portland barbers have abandoned the straight-razor
shave, but select parlors will still indulge you in one
of the last--and best--manly pampering rituals. While women
have their mannies, peddies, facials and myriad aroma sciences,
a dwindling few fellows seek out the steel. Here, shaving
is an event: Men recline in groaning leather chairs as the
ceiling fan rotates noirishly above. Hot towels and thick
lathering cream are applied before the razor is readied.
Then, with gentle prodding, the shavee turns his head as
the barber moves the blade across cheeks and throat, dragging
out a sound like sand being swept off linoleum. Finally,
a slap of Bay Rum aftershave lotion and a wisp of talc leaves
one's face fairly illuminated. This is a process so exact
and satisfying, one feels nearly drugged by the experience.
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Willamette Week | originally
published September 29,
1999
|
