Italian-born Isabella Rossellini was formerly best known for her famous parents, modeling career, roles in over 40 films, Emmy and Golden Globe nominations, three books and shacking up with Martin Scorsese. But for the past three years, she has become more famous for dressing up as animals, insects and marine life, exploring in graphic detail the various sexual proclivities of creatures great and small, in a series of short films for the Sundance Channel called Green Porno.
Call us perverted, but watching a 58-year-old woman get raped by a cartoon duck and his “corkscrew penis” was one of the most original, entertaining and educational motion-picture experiences we’ve had since the 1975 sex-ed classic Every Boy Gets Hard.
Rossellini will be speaking at the First Congregational Church on Wednesday, April 6, as part of the Voices Inc. lecture series—not explicitly about animal sex, but we imagine the subject will come up.
Here are our favorite moments of creepy-crawly copulation from Green Porno. Feel free to ask her to re-create them onstage.
Isabella Rossellini procreates with a fly; they raise their children in a severed head.Isabella Rossellini dies after giving birth to salmon. Her babies eat her.
A bedbug stabs Isabella Rossellini with his knifelike penis and ejaculates in the wound.
Isabella Rossellini cheats on her cuttlefish mate with a late-night visitor.
“Oh, blowhole sex! Anything goes!”
GO: First Congregational Church, 1126 SW Park St., voicesinc.com. 6:30 pm, April 6. $65.
WEDNESAY APRIL 6
[THEATER] BILLY ELLIOT THE MUSICAL
Elton John and Lee Hall’s stage adaptation of the 2000 film about a boy who yearns to dance has giant dance numbers, cute kids, singing bobbies, a progressive social stance and even a little bit of flying. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 241-1802. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Fridays, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturdays, 1 and 6:30 pm Sundays through April 17. $29.50-$90.
[MUSIC] HOUSE OF SOUND BENEFIT: THE NEEDFUL LONGINGS, THEE HEADLINERS, WELCOME HOME WALKER
Supergroup alert! The Needful Longings is the new project of Sean Croghan, leader of much-loved ’90s bands Crackerbash and Jr. High, with Chris Slusarenko (Guided By Voices), Jim Talstra (the Dharma Bums) and Paulie Pulverenti (Atomic 61, Jr. High). Fez Ballroom. 316 SW 11th Ave. 9 pm. $5. 21+.
FRIDAY APRIL 8
[STAND-UP] COMEDY NIGHT AT THE BAGDAD
The weekly comedy showcase’s “Spring Spectacular” features Mark Kikel, Ian Karmel, Ron Funches, Richard Bain, Gabe Dinger and Jimmy Newstetter. Good stuff. Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 10 pm. 21+. $5.
SATURDAY APRIL 9
[MUSIC] THE BASEBALL PROJECT
Consisting of R.E.M.’s Peter Buck, the Minus 5’s Scott McCaughey and the Miracle 3’s Steve Wynn and Linda Pitmon, the Baseball Project focuses its recreational-rock powers on the folklore of baseball’s golden era. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.
SUNDAY APRIL 10
[DRINK] COCKTAIL CAMP
Bartenders, cocktail nerds and fans of vintage arm garters gather for a day of chatting about, creating and consuming cocktails, with local mixologists including St. Jack’s Kyle Webster and Beaker & Flask’s Dave Shenaut on hand to shake things up. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave. cocktailcamp.net. 10:30 am-5 pm. $50. 21+.
[MOVIES] BRIEF ENCOUNTER
David Lean’s critique of repressed middle-class values has been discussed for, oh, 63 years, but what’s most striking about Brief Encounter is its portrayal of infatuation and longing as a horrible invasion: a kind of disease which can only be endured so long. 5th Avenue Cinema, 510 SW Hall St., 725-3551. 3 pm. $3.