“Be good and you will be lonesome,” says the Mark Twain quote on the front of a Lonesome’s Pizza box. Twain might not have been talking about pizza specifically. And who knows if what he says is true. But if you are Lonesome’s, one could argue, you don’t even have to be all that good. Lonesome’s Pizza has such an attractive and multifaceted shtick going on that its pizza could suck and I’d still order it now and then.
For one thing, Lonesome’s delivers until 4 am. The menu is hilarious; pizzas are named after great fights that never happened (Erik Estrada vs. a Komodo dragon). Also, the pizza boxes are bedazzled. The larges (17-inch) come with art or music inside—a recent order contained the new CD by local musician Turn to Crime. The smaller pies (10-inch) are decorated with various silly and/or brilliant pictures and mini-manifestos, such as a screed mocking tribal tattoos (especially on guys at strip clubs) and another praising the magnificence of actor Lorenzo Lamas.
“We come up with these ideas while drinking,” the online menu acknowledges.
For late-night entertainment value alone, Lonesome’s is ace. But it helps that the pizzas are delicious. They’re thin-crust, with marinara, white sauce or the mysterious custom “Ethiopian” spiced-tomato sauce. Toppings are generous and high-grade; the bacon comes in hefty chunks, the cheese blends in nicely (with a perfect cheese-to-sauce-to-crust ratio), and the vegetables are ultra-flavorful. Only the slightly dry prosciutto fell short. The pizza’s not cheap, but it’s clear the ingredients are chosen and assembled with care.
Salads are named after favorite Halloween costumes of co-owner and original Mini Kiss member Nic. The Papa Smurf ($7) has sliced pear, walnuts, Gorgonzola and dried cranberries on spinach. The garlic scallion dressing may be a little over the top for a salad, but it makes an awesome dipping sauce for breadsticks ($6).
If you live outside the delivery zone, you can pick up your pizza at the Lonesome’s kitchen, which is appropriately hidden between a bakery and a motorcycle workshop. There’s no dine-in space, just a door to the kitchen, so waiting can be awkward, but the ETA you’ll get when you order is pretty accurate.
- Order this: The No. 16, “Hammy’s Pizza vs. a wet paper bag with a mustache” ($21), is a garlicky wonder with mozzarella, shiitake mushrooms, sliced tomatoes and fresh basil leaves.
- Best deal: Ordering two 10-inch pizzas ($9 each) is more fun than one large, and just as filling.
- I’ll pass: The prosciutto-arugula-pecorino combo (“Dolph Lundgren vs. a puma”) doesn’t really mesh, and the meat on ours was a little dry. Sorry, Drago.
EAT: Lonesome’s Pizza, 523 NE 19th Ave., 234-0114; westside delivery, 274-9570; lonesomespizza.com. Delivery or pick-up 5 pm-4 am daily. $ Inexpensive.