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November 6th, 2013 12:01 am WW MUSIC STAFF | Top 5

Top Five Bands That Don’t Exist

by Eric Andre

music_ericandre_4001ERIC ANDRE - IMAGE: Darren Michaels
Polyamorous Brazilian Atheist
Sounds like: A vacuum cleaner and a carnival procession with a woman speaking barely audible gibberish in the background.

Alien vs. Predator vs. Brown vs. the Board of Education
Sounds like: Two copy machines fucking while a bunch of inner-city children play double dutch.

Operation Dude Brigade
Sounds like: Frat boys butt-chugging beer.

The Thinking Man’s Epic Beard Man
Sounds like: That band Tortoise, if you were just playing their CD in your living room while the Jonas Brothers were brushing their hair, but with the commitment of a real cock-rock guitar solo. There’s also a telephone ringing the whole time.

Steve Urkel Polio Factory
Sounds like: The Dave Matthews Band.

SEE IT: The Eric Andre Show Live is at Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., on Friday, Nov. 8. 9 pm. $12. 21+. See more of Andre’s band names at ericsbandnames.com.

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