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February 5th, 2014 WW Staff | Headout
 

Headout: Talkin’ Swap

Mayhaw Hoons, organizer of Friday’s VHS Swap, appraises our video collection.

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Dragonheart: A New Beginning

What the hell is Dragonheart: A New Beginning? This looks like a sequel to a movie that no one liked in the first place. Based on that alone, I would buy it. But for no more than $2 because it probably doesn’t have any nudity.


Paula Abdul: Cardio Dance

Paula can dance. Dance is exercise. Paula shows us how to exercise while dancing. That was what they were going for anyway. But I’m guessing this was mainly used as porn for 13-year-old nerds. I would wash my hands after putting it back in the dollar bin.

 

Oster Professional Products Home Pet Grooming Video: Learn How to Groom and Trim Your Dog at Home With This Step-By-Step Guide

Look at that cover! That’s ART! That dog looks like he is about to be murdered. The video is probably boring, but it’s worth buying just for the cover. And the sticker on the front proudly proclaims that it was “MADE IN THE U.S.A!” Fuck yeah! USA! USA!

 

...And They Survived IV: Don Gay Presents the Most Spectacular Wrecks From the 1999 PBR Tour

Holy God! This looks horrible! Cowboys getting trampled by mad bulls. It’s like Faces of Death for rednecks. And look at the price tag: $24.95. Jesus. You have to be a real sadistic pardner to pay that much. And no one even dies! Lame.

 

Bathrooms: Step-By-Step Video Instruction

I have never done cocaine before. But from all the evidence I have collected, it sounds like the best thing ever. Take this tape, for instance. It’s just called Bathrooms, the cover art is some ’90s Beyond the Mind’s Eye shit, and it was made by Chevrolet. I have no idea what is going on here, but it looks awesome. Drugs are bad, I know, but sometimes they produce some beautiful art.

 

The Best of Bob Uecker’s Wacky World of Sports, Vol. 1

Sports are stupid. Who cares? They are boring, and every single sports fan is a giant baby. And this tape focuses on wacky sports fans! Barf. The only way I would buy this thing is if it showed angry bulls trampling sports fans. That’s more my kind of wacky.


GO: The fourth quadannual Great Portland VHS Swap and Puppy Fashion Show is at the Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 238-5588, on Friday, Feb. 7. 5 pm. Visitors are encouraged to bring VHS tapes for swapping and trading. After the swap, there will be a free screening of Street Trash at 8 pm. If you’re a fan of the ...And They Survived series, the Professional Bull Riders tour comes to town this weekend. See Headout pick here.

 
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