1. PORTLAND CHAIN SMOKE MASSACRE
Key Costumes: Gorilla suit, Laura Bush, Keith Richards.
* Famous Mysterious Actor Halloween Extravaganza: Break out the candy. The Famous Mysterious Actor infests Dante's with the help of his musical minions, the Punk Group and MarchFourth Marching Band.
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd Ave., 226-6630. 10 pm Friday, Oct. 29. $6. 21+.
* Klingons on Hallow's Eve: Stovokor spearheads the drive to turn the usually cute 'n' cuddly Nocturnal into a hive of head-banging, Klingon-speaking death metal.
Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside St., 239-5900. 8:30 pm Saturday, Oct. 30. $6. All ages.
2. DRAG RACES
Key Costumes: shy sailor (girls), naughty angel (boys), "I * Johnny Mozz" T-shirt and tiara (either).
* Sissyboy Zombie Pinup Girl Pageant: This gender-fucked boy troupe proves it's not easy being beautiful--but it's even harder being a putrefied pinup girl of the undead.
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 11 pm Wednesday, Oct. 27. $3-$5. 21+.
* So Divine: Sharing a stage for the first time ever, DK PDX, Cabaret Übergay and Sissyboy (those sluts) join fabulous forces to summon drag demons and deities. A priest, er, drag queen will be on hand to hear your confessions.
Liberty Hall, 311 N Ivy St. 8:30 pm Saturday, Oct. 30. $5-$10. All ages.
* Sneakin' Out: The local instrumental trio will cover songs from Michael "Creeeeepy" Jackson's Thriller. Did we mention they'll be playing mandolins?
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm Sunday, Oct. 31. $12, $10 with costume. 21+.
3. INVASION OF THE BOOTY SHAKERS
Key Costumes: Racecar driver, Solid Gold dancer.
* Roger Rumba's Halloween Salsa Ball: Muy caliente bands Ramsey y los Montunos and Caña Son give costumed divas the hotfoot while diabolical performances from salsa pros bring out the green-eyed monster.
Imago Ballroom, 17 SE 8th Ave., 226-6630. Salsa lesson 9 pm, party 10 pm Saturday, Oct. 30. $15. 21+.
* Superbad Halloween Festbash: Berbati's goes über-Velveeta with the Gibb-obsessed Wannabeegees and a faux-Prince band for a night so fake it'd make a Gardenburger taste real.
Berbati's Pan, 231 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579. 9:30 pm Sunday, Oct. 31. $5. 21+.
4. TO HELL, WITH LOVE
Key Costumes: Lady Godiva, sexy bitch/witch, Dr. Spock.
* Trick or Vote: Scare up some more votes. Trick out your costume with some good walkin' shoes for canvassing in the afternoon; then turn them in for dancin' shoes at the band-saturated party.
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047, trickorvote.org. 2 pm canvassing, 8 pm party. Sunday, Oct. 31. $3 canvassers, $10 party-crashers. All ages.
* Scary Green Halloween: This freak show, complete with bands, burlesque queens and tarot geeks, is a benefit for the environmental arts group Orlo, which encourages the theme of frightening environmental disasters.
Bossanova Ballroom, 711 E Burnside St., 242-1047, orlo.org. 9 pm Friday, Oct. 29. $7. (7 pm pre-party $30, $20 Orlo members.) 21+.
5. CHILDREN OF THE PORN
Key Costumes: Giant penis, Ralph Macchio, Japanese schoolgirl (panties optional).
* Language of Monsters: 2 Gyrlz busts out things that bite in the night, with bloody performance art from creepsters including Seattle Butoh artists P.A.N. and the "Troglodyte Jug Band of the Unseemly Court."
Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th Ave., 223-0099. 9 pm Saturday, Oct. 30. $5-$15 sliding scale. 21+.
* Wrestlevania/Dead Moon: Gore oozes forth from Sabala's with a Wrestlevania double feature plus aural terror from Dead Moon, the original rawk ghouls.
Sabala's at Mount Tabor, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 238-1646. Wrestlevania: 5 pm Saturday, Oct. 30. Bands at 9:30 pm. Cover. 21+.
* Dishwallaween: Finally, a real ghost story: a floating terror cruise headlined by late-'90s pop-rockers Dishwalla. This one-hit wonder ain't "Counting Blue Cars" no more--just fingering the pieces of its shattered Billboard dreams.
Portland Spirit, Southwest Front Avenue and Salmon Street, 224-3900. 7:30 pm Friday, Oct. 29. $25. 21+.