|Exotic Dancer VIVA LAS VEGAS|
Gov. TED KULONGOSKI
PROS: Right about now, a lifetime job where he doesn't face re-election looks pretty good.
CONS: If union sympathies led to him to insist priests and nuns get pay beyond vows-of-poverty wages...you do the math.
Wannabe guv KEVIN MANNIX
PROS: Plenty conservative enough.
CONS: Not exactly a share-the-wealth kind of guy when it comes to fundraising cash.
Detroit Lions and ex-Oregon quarterback JOEY HARRINGTON
PROS: Can throw a Hail Mary pass with one hand and play the church organ with the other.
CONS: Miracles he performed as a Duck have obviously run out as a pro in Detroit.
Multnomah County Chair DIANE LINN
PROS: Nicer to be the first female pope than being the first politician locals think of when it comes to government screw-ups.
CONS: Even if cardinals are open to breaking two millennia of precedent by choosing a woman, there's that support for gay marriage to get past.
Former City Commissioner JIM FRANCESCONI
PROS: Time on his hands (despite his recent hire by the state at $42,000 per anno domini) after losing 2004 mayor's race.
CONS: With his history of indebtedness to big business, who wants to run the risk of a Popemobile covered in more logos than a racecar?
Exotic dancer VIVA LAS VEGAS
PROS: Fun to think of her stripping out of Catholic vestments.
CONS: More of a night person than early-Sunday-morning.
Writer CHUCK PALAHNIUK
PROS: Nothing like having a great storyteller in the pulpit every Sunday.
CONS: Among his works: A short story about war veterans plotting to slam a plane into the Vatican.