NIGHT CABBIE "I used to be a Marine," says the very overweight, florid, shambling individual who half-falls into my cab from one of the lesser strip clubs in town. "Now," he says with great alacrity, "I am a drunk ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE "I'm just glad my husband isn't around to see this."My passenger is referring to the regime of Bush II, but she hardly fits the profile of a flaming lefty. She's almost 70, dressed with the great care ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE "Oh my god, it's my cab driver!" It's the guy from last week who uttered the deathless line "homosexuals love drama." Only now, he's with the drama-inducing boyfriend who he was going to see last week ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE "Homosexuals love drama." Or so sayeth the homosexual in my cab. He's had a long day, despite the fact that it's his birthday, and now he wants to go out. However, his boyfriend did not.We discuss the ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE I pick up a middle-aged couple at one of the motels on North Interstate. They both seem rather timorous, hesitant, almost afraid of me. It's odd. Then they lay it on me: They want "something to smoke. ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE The DUI argument, yet again.I am entirely unsympathetic on this one. If you got one, I'm happy you did and hope you learned your lesson. Sorry.But this guy is not arguing on behalf of himself, but of ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE Please. It's a good word. I won't lecture you on its use—I'm not your mother. But here are my pleas to you.Please don't honk at me when I'm loading fares. It's not my fault that you were riding ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE "Club 1222, but I need to scan the parking lot first." This is seldom a good sign. Usually the passenger who says this is looking for a significant other's car, and this means drama.Sure enough, her c ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE Time to break out the gypsy cab. The night shift is beginning, and a day driver has brought in a girl who wants to go to Pasco, Wash.She has a friend's credit card number, but no expiration date, so w ...   More

NIGHT CABBIE Mission of Burma is one of my favorite bands. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get anyone in my cab to agree with me.Playing them is the quickest way to ensure I pick up a sweet old lady, or a country-l ...   More