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Jack the Giant Slayer

An English folktale, with extra potty humor.


Movie Reviews & Stories
Jack and the Beanstalk is one of the few English folktales Americans know by heart. A peasant boy sells his abusive guardian’s livestock for some beans, the beans get wet, a beanstalk grows, a   More
 
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 JOHN LOCANTHI

Winter Guide 2013: Slippery Slope

A brandy-fueled test slide on the newfangled sleds.


Featured Stories
As a young lad coming of age in my Fortress of Solitude on the steep slopes of Cooper Mountain, there was no thrill greater than snowfall. The streets and the hilly local vacant lot were instant   More
 
Wednesday, January 23, 2013 JOHN LOCANTHI

Re: UO Head Coaching Position

John Locanthi is being considered to replace Chip Kelly at UO. We obtained his application.

locanthi-headshot

Ten days after it was announced that Chip Kelly was returning to Oregon, the coach was instead hired away by the NFL's Philadelphia Eagles. Kelly’s short but successful tenure at the school leaves a long shadow, but as WW hypothesized last month, he just might have been too good to stay at the college level.
Some reports have suggested that current Oregon offensive coordinator Mark Helfrich will be promoted to head coach. However, the University of Oregon is required to post the position on their website. A job description for the position is up—no prior head coaching experience required!—and sources say at least one obsessive Ducks fan is applying.

John Locanthi2220 NW Quimby St.Portland, OR 97210(503) 243-2122jlocanthi@wweek.com
January 17, 2013
Rob MullensAthletic DirectorUniversity of Oregon Athletic Department
Dear Mr. Mullens,
Over the past four years, Oregon's football program has become a national powerhouse. But now "Big Balls" Chip Kelly is taking his talents to the Eagles dynasty, leaving an opening at one of the most attractive coaching jobs in all of the Pac-12.
I’m sure your email box is stuffed with the resumes of worthy candidates eager to be summarily passed over for offensive coordinator Mark Helfrich. Allow me to be one more, but I do have some experience that is hard to come by. I bring on-the-field experience from my seven seasons as head coach of the North Carolina Tar Heels in EA Sports' NCAA Football 2006. The consecutive national titles speak for themselves, and my team won them in similar fashion to Kelly’s last year at Oregon: My backups routinely played the entire second halves of blowouts. However, not once did I deal with figures like Willie Lyles—in fact, the NCAA never investigated the program during my tenure. I was repeatedly invited to move up to the pros with a position leading the Oakland Raiders in Madden NFL 06, but politely declined without any undue fanfare.
That coaching experience and a lifetime spent as an armchair coach of the Oregon Ducks have given me an acute understanding of preparation, play-calling, clock management and hindsight. Perhaps you remember the timeout that gave Minnesota enough time to properly line up for the game-winning field goal in the More
 
Thursday, January 17, 2013 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Brew Views: Wreck-It Ralph

Level up.


Brew Views
In Rich Moore’s entertaining Wreck-It Ralph, John C. Reilly voices the title character, a villain in an 8-bit arcade game. Ralph isn’t a villain; he’s just gets tossed in the mud every day    More
 
Wednesday, December 26, 2012 JOHN LOCANTHI

Tom Cruise Wears Elevator Shoes: Jack Reacher Reviewed

jack-reacher

Tom Cruise is 5'6". Jack Reacher is 6'5". Does Cruise pull it off? Our critic isn't quite so sure.
Critic's Grade: B-
In the opening of this impeccably timed Tom Cruise vehicle, a sniper in Pittsburgh guns down five apparently random people, including a woman babysitting a young girl. Detective Emerson (David Oyelowo) finds a wealth of evidence at the crime scene to convict a f...   More
 
Friday, December 21, 2012 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Chip Kelly’s Secret Offense

Why boosters are annoyed by the most successful football coach in Oregon’s history.


Cover Story
When the Oregon Ducks plucked a little-known offensive coordinator named Chip Kelly out of the University of New Hampshire in   More
 
Wednesday, December 19, 2012 JOHN LOCANTHI

Youth Soccer is a MILF Goldmine: Playing for Keeps Reviewed

Gerard Butler stops being a shitty father and bangs hot soccer moms.

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Maybe Playing for Keeps screened after WW press deadlines. Or maybe our critic was just too busy prowling for granola bars, orange slices and middle-aged babes at the nearest kids' soccer game. 
Critic's Grade: C-  
Divorce can be hard on a young child. You only get to see your parents at separate times. There’s that lingering awkwardness whene...   More
 
Thursday, December 6, 2012 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Gift Guide 2012: The White-Collar Hipster


Featured Stories
Some people call your friend a yupster. Others, simply a douchebag. But it’s only because they’ve accomplished what others could not: hold down a white-collar job while still being cool. IMAGE:   More
 
Wednesday, November 28, 2012 JOHN LOCANTHI

Almost Live: Oregon vs Oregon State

Ducks aim to lick, pound, [insert sexual verb] Beavers in the Civil War

beaverjuice

The attitude throughout the Oregon community has been muted over the past week. The braggadocio that once defined the fanbase has given way stunned, mildly appalled melancholy. But as fun as it was wallowing in self-pity after the Cardinal’s upset last Saturday, the time has come to move on. We’ve a war to prepare for. 
There are plenty easterners, Southrons, and history books that wi...   More
 
Saturday, November 24, 2012 by JOHN LOCANTHI

Almost Live: Stanford vs Oregon

Perennial also-ran takes on perennial champion for the Pac-12 North title

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Stanford has a wonderful football program. It holds its student-athletes to the same rigorous academic standards as its less athletic students. The Cardinal plays fundamentally sound, physical football. It consistently beats teams not named Oregon. Even in a season when other Pac-12 teams engage in a boorish competition to see which team can embarrass itself the most, Stanford is rock solid—min...   More
 
Saturday, November 17, 2012 by JOHN LOCANTHI
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