Ted

By AARON MESH
Contempt fuels the comedy of Seth MacFarlane. He's disdainful toward his own meal ticket, the Simpsons rip-off Family Guy. He sneers at other performers: His new talking-bear movie Ted has the gall to shit-talk Razzie winners before it manages to land a single joke of its own. Most of all, MacFarlane—Ted's writer, director and vocal star—bullies any member of the audience who dares take offense to his putatively outrageous poon-'n'-minstrel humor. Ted only values a joke if it makes people uncomfortable—never mind whether it's funny, or if it even makes any sense. (Talking bear to Norah Jones: "Thanks for 9/11.") It may be the first feature-length movie to exist primarily as an act of trolling. Yet somehow this sniggering abortion manages to fail at even this meager goal. The bear (voice by Peter Griffin, body by Snuggle fabric softener) is racist, sexist and forgettable. Mark Wahlberg joins, in raging fetal-alcohol Masshole mode, and the combination suggests an episode of Unhappily Ever After... hosted by Jeff Dunham. Family Guy is notorious for mistaking a pop-culture reference for a joke about said pop-culture reference, but in Ted the non sequiturs arrive slower, and stay forever. It opens with a narrator describing the fate of former child stars: "Eventually, nobody gives a shit." The movie's box office portends that Seth MacFarlane is nowhere near that ultimate obscurity—instead, he'll keep helping us to think less of each other.
 
  • Genres: Live action/animated, Comedy
  • Release Date: Friday, August 3, 2012
  • Country: United States
  • Language: English
  • MPAA Rating: R [ Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, Some Drug Use ]
  • Critic's Score: D-
  • Starring: Mark Wahlberg [John Bennett], Mila Kunis [Lori], Seth MacFarlane [Voice of Ted], Giovanni Ribisi [Donny], Joel McHale [Rex]
  • Directed by: Seth MacFarlane [Director], Seth MacFarlane [Screenwriter], Alec Sulkin [Screenwriter], Wellesley Wild [Screenwriter], Scott Stuber [Producer], Seth MacFarlane [Producer], John Jacobs [Producer], Jason Clark [Producer], Jonathan Mone [Executive Producer]
  • Visit the Movie Website | Watch the trailer
 

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