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Wednesday, Dec. 20
Cheer the Fuck Up: An OK Chorale Sing-Along
OK Chorale is a way for average Portlanders to convene in the name of harmony. Everyone knows at least a few Christmas songs, so you might as well stop by and shout along to "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" with a few cans of Rainier in your system, right? Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895, mississippistudios.com. 7:30 pm. $22 advance, $25 day of show. 21+.
Cool Kids Patio Show
Half standup show, half concert, Cool Kids is one of the most glorious comedy showcases in the city. It usually only runs during the summer, but it's coming back for a year-end show with some of the funniest people in Portland, like Becky Braunstein and Shain Brenden, plus music by wacky krautrock-cumbia duo Dreckig. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., dougfirlounge.com. 8:30 pm. $10-$12. 21+.
Thursday, Dec. 21
Erotic City Holiday Pre-Funk
Prince didn't write many Christmas songs, but that hardly matters. When it comes to getting funked up before a long weekend of eggnog and family time, ain't no better option than Portland's best Prince tribute band. The Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St., theliquorstorepdx.com. 9 pm. $7. 21+.
The Big Lebowski on 35mm
One of Portland's most joyous holiday traditions, Clinton Street annually screens their print of the Coen Brothers' absurd masterpiece and serves sake-based "rice Russians." Even if you've already seen this portrait of a lovable slacker tons of times, you're missing out if you've never seen it on film. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., cstpdx.com. 7:30 pm. Through Dec. 26. $8.
Mark O'Connor's Appalachian Christmas
Though he was born in Seattle, fiddler Mark O'Connor has plenty of bluegrass cred, which will offer Portlanders a window into the lively and lonesome sounds of An Appalachian Christmas tonight. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 503-248-4335, portland5.com. 7:30 pm. $18-$105. All ages.
Friday, Dec. 22
Elf
Will Ferrell's relentlessly naive Elf is a brief antidote to this whole shitty, cynical year. The Mission will be serving up the sweetest of cocktails—maple whiskey and ginger ale—to accompany the very sweetest of Christmas movies. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 8:45 pm. $11 includes Elf cocktail.
Candi Pop: All I Want for Christmas Edition
They say there's no such thing as a guilty pleasure, but for those of us who enjoy "Last Christmas" a little more than we'd care to admit publicly, poptimist dance party Candi Pop's night of guilt-ridden Christmas cheese is the safe space you're looking for. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 503-239-7639, holocene.org. 9 pm. $5 before 10 pm, $8 after. 21+.
Saturday, Dec. 23
Animated Christmas
For those who like their Christmas illustrated and/or weird, Re-Run Theater will screen a curated selection of 16mm, seasonal animated shorts that range from heartwarming to bizarre. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., hollywoodtheatre.org. 2 pm. $6.
Sunday, Dec. 24
The Nutcracker
Savaged by critics and ignored by audiences upon its 1892 debut in St. Petersburg, this Christmas ballet of rats, toy soldiers and confectionary sprites was saved from the dustbin of history thanks to its Tchaikovsky score, and is now one of the world's best-loved Christmas traditions. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 503-248-4335, obt.org.
Shift Drinks Sunday Supper
Every other Sunday, downtown's best cocktail spot Shift Drinks offers up a free meal—and for Christmas Eve, it's beef bourguignon alongside an all-night happy hour menu of $7 simple drinks. Lucky you, Christmas orphan. Shift Drinks, 1200 SW Morrison St., 503-922-3933, shiftdrinkspdx.com. 6 pm-midnight.
Monday, Dec. 25
Headwaters Christmas Buffet
Celebrate Christmas like a long-haul trucker—at a buffet with shrimp! Vitaly Paley's swanky Heathman Hotel seafood spot will serve up his Grand Buffet of upscale comfort fare on Christmas day. Headwaters, 1001 SW Broadway,: 503-790-7752, headwaterspdx.com. Grand Buffet served 11 am-4 pm. $62 adults, $38 kids 12 and under, all inclusive.
Drinking at the Radio Room
Almost as firmly entrenched as Chinese food and a movie, boozing it up at the Radio Room's all-day Christmas miracle of Bloody Marys, rabbit pot pies and surf'n'turf burgers is a Portland Xmas refugee tradition. Who needs a family? Radio Room, 1101 NE Alberta St., 503-287-2346, radioroompdx.com. 9 am-2 pm.
Tuesday, Dec. 26
Call Me By Your Name
The story of a love affair between Elio, a teenager summering in Italy with his scholarly parents, and a grad student named Oliver, Call Me By Your Name follows in the footsteps of last year's Moonlight as a smoldering queer love story rendered with remarkable depth of feeling. Fox Tower, 846 SW Park Ave.,
844-462-7342. Various showtimes. $11.95.
Die Hard
Celebrate the end of Christmas and the (maybe) last days of Bazi Bierbrasserie—bought this fall by bar chain the Thirsty Monk—with John McClane's no good, very bad day and a $10 burger, fries and beer special. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 503-234-8888, bazipdx.com. 7 pm.