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Southeast Portland swingers club the Velvet Rope—which occupies that dingy brick building at César E. Chávez and Powell boulevards, across from the Safeway with the worst vibes ever and just south of Supercuts—made a promo video.
It's three years old, but we figured everyone should still know about it because it's amazing. It's also developed, dare I say, a cult following, gaining almost 40,000 views. Here you go, and you're welcome:
I'm no swinger myself, but I know a few, and from what I can tell, this video depicts a far swankier version of my impression of swinging.
The night starts out innocently enough.
"Aren't these places filled with dirty old men?" the man asks, as if they had somehow just casually walked by on their way to Safeway or Supercuts and decided to go in.
But on a more serious note—you're lying if you say you've never wondered what it was like inside. Well…SPOILER ALERT, apparently, that small building has not one, but two Jacuzzis, a dungeon and a poppin' dance floor.
The video is expertly set to a Michael Jackson-Daft Punk soundtrack. Getting those rights must've cost them a fortune—but the Velvet Rope spared no expense.
The flossiness of the club is proved even further when the video pans over an impressive table of fruit and vegetable platters and a container of pasta salad. (Hey, proximity to a 24-hour Safeway has its advantages!)
The Velvet Rope proves the fun literally never ends. Even when the club isn't open, you can watch this video. And once you're sick of that, there's the beautiful world of the comments. These were my personal faves.
Another spoiler alert: "Paul Marcus" says it best.
Willamette Week