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Hang onto your golf visors, Portland.
In the club sector of the Pearl once home to the angry spray tans of Real World: Portland, we will now have a Pink Taco.
A "clubstaurant with tacos" recently bought by the same cutting-edge chain behind Chevys and Acapulco Mexican, the grotesquely named Pink Taco is a hot mess of pink-stained "Rock n' Roll Mexican" that'll make East Burnside's neon-karaoke Trio Club look like the Reel M Inn.
Eater was all over this scoop about the nationally renowned douchebag magnet will take over the1203 NW Glisan St. location once home to comparatively sedate, tasteful Trader Vic's.
It appears that from their humble remaining outposts on the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles and the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas—after nearly a decade of receding fortunes—the Pink Taco chain has once again declared war on the United States this year, also announcing a new location in Chicago's cologne-and-cocaine district, River North.
Will the Hot Pink taco hole be a sweat-soaked shame spiral? Yes. It will be a sweat-soaked shame spiral in club-gothic font.
For reference, a now-closed location in Scottsdale was named one of the best spots in the country to have an affair by extra-marital dating website Ashley Madison. A now-closed Century City location drew fire on Cinco de Mayo for painting an actual, living donkey pink as a party decoration.
Note, however, that the Pink Taco clubstaurant is explicitly not vagina themed. It is themed after tacos with pink onions on them. Their founding president Harry Morton, a classy man, informed Ed Helms of the Daily Show that if his restaurants were actually vagina themed, they'd have "vaginas all over the walls."
Anyway, Portland's Pink Taco will open in summer of 2018. Iron your polo shirts now.