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Shout-out to all the righteous dads out here.
Y’all are about more than just lawn care, thermostat stasis and grill accessories. I’m talking about diaper-changing, boo-boo-kissing, tea-party-having-ass dudes who cry at graduations and throw coming-out parties. I’m talking about hand-holding active listeners who unconditionally love and support their children as the unique humans they are. I’m talking about patient role models who are breaking generational cycles of trauma and who also maybe wear cargo pants that zip apart into shorts. Father’s Day is for you, and you deserve top-shelf all day.
This Father’s Day, whether celebrating your significant other, your father figures, or your damn self, consider indulging in at least one of these father-approved top-shelf cultivars.
For the Complacent Gamer Dad: Cake Crasher
This hybrid of Wedding Cake and Wedding Crasher is a deeply stoney couchlock cultivar that has a meditative head high well suited for self-care. For the video game dad who wants to spend the day dusting his progeny at Mario Kart or the tabletop gamer dad eager to start an epic new campaign, a few draws of Cake Crasher might provide the necessary balance of head-in-the-clouds euphoria and immovable-object perseverance to level up the holiday game play in a very dadlike way. Expect a bright, gassy perfume with funky fruit notes and a suggestion of citrus. The exhale is a commensurate mouthful of sweet, potent funk, so puff it outside or by a window lest you stank up the whole house.
Get it from: The Kings of Canna, 1465 NE Prescott St,, 971-319-6945, thekingsofcanna.com.
For the Rugged Outdoor Adventure Dad: Poontang Pie
This cross of Tropicanna, Grape Pie and Papaya is aptly named for its transcendental flavor profile, which many users describe as similar in taste to a goddess’s genitals. Genetically, this cultivar expresses dominant indica traits, but the inherited sativa of Tropicanna balances the stonier head high with a fizzy body buzz that arrives in a shuddering onset but eventually mellows to effervescent relaxation. This is a great phenotype to take on a low-stakes hike that ends with a picnic, beach lounge, river dip or any other activity that calls for cutoff jeans or embarrassingly teeny dolphin shorts. Expect a complex perfume of pink peppercorn, tropical fruit, wet wood, and dank pine that softens into a cottony exhale of overripe fruit and sweet lemonade.
Get it from: Oregrown, 111 NE 12th Ave., 503 477 6898, oregrown.com.
For the Scatterbrained Stoner Dad: J1
For fathers who just want some time to focus on their own self-care, be it home improvement, landscape maintenance or qigong and breath work, J1 is the strain to provide some much-needed laser focus. This hybrid of popular sativas Skunk #1 and Jack Herer serves a clearheaded, sheer psychotropic high and manageably brisk body buzz in smaller doses, but bigger tokes will likely require an easygoing project to keep the high from becoming frenetic. So reserve the dabs for creative enterprises and/or artistic endeavors. Expect a sweet, fruity perfume and a grassy, resinous exhale that makes for a robust and flavorful concentrate.
Get it from: Lemonnade PDX, 6218 NE Columbia Blvd., 971-279-2337, thereallemonnade.com/pdx.
For the Domestic Diva Dad: Steel Bridge
Steel Bridge is a phenotype exclusive to Pruf Cultivar, a hybrid of Golden Goat and TH1 that leans into its sativa genetics with a tenderness that uplifts the body without overstimulation and quiets the mind without smothering the user’s cognition. For dad types who embrace the homemaker roles they either manage exclusively or share with their partners, a sparkling bowl of Steel Bridge and an afternoon of wholesome kitchen shenanigans resulting in celebratory snacking might be the best recipe for the day. Pro tip: Medicate a few of your snacks post-baking with a squirt of tincture or infused oil so you can prolonged your high and freely snack the night away. Expect a familiar citrus-pine nose, a gassy, candy-sweet exhale, and a pleasantly lingering, woody aftertaste.
Get it from: Five Zero Trees, 909 NE Dekum St., 503-954-3844, fivezerotrees.com.
For the Unflappable Armchair Philosopher Dad: Jah Goo
For the dads who are happy just to get high and hang out with minimum expectations, a cultivar like Jah Goo has an appropriate balance of chipper euphoria and cashmere relaxation. Jah Goo was bred from a cross of Asian strains Purple Jasmine and Afghan Goo, both having reputations for long-lasting, relaxing highs with gauzily energetic undertones. Jah Goo delivers on its genetics: The body high is expectedly heavy without being incapacitating, and the head high is dreamily joyful. This is reportedly an easygoing high dads across the board can appreciate, whether they prefer to spend the day cracking dad jokes from a reclined easy chair or ping-ponging their focus between the laziest of weekend dad tasks. Expect a sweet, fruity, woody perfume reminiscent of hash, and a piney-sweet exhale with a rich, earthy aftertaste.
Get it from: Weedland, 4027 N Interstate Ave., 541-904-0000.