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If you're reading this issue the week it publishes, chances are you're huddled inside, shivering beneath a weighted blanket, waiting for the downpour to pause so you can trudge down to the corner store for rations.
But don't worry, Portland—nicer days are ahead.
In a study published last summer in The Washington Post, climate scientist Brian Brettschneider analyzed 20 years' worth of data from 373 weather stations across the United States, in an attempt to figure out which cities have the most days of nice weather per year. What defines "nice weather"? The criteria includes days in which the high temperature is between 65 and 85 degrees, daily cloud cover is less than 65 percent and there's no measurable precipitation.
Despite that seemingly stacked deck, it turns out Portland averages 74 nice days per year—placing us in the top 20, below obvious choices like L.A. and San Diego but above the likes of New Orleans, Las Vegas and Austin, Texas.
It's not that your clogged gutters and vitamin D deficiency are figments of your imagination. As Brettschneider says in explaining Seattle's high ranking (they average four nicer days than us per year, the bastards), while it does rain here a lot, Pacific Northwest summers are especially nice. It also never gets particularly windy or humid, which means that, by Brettschneider's formula, we have 43 nicer days on average than Honolulu. Yes, the one in Hawaii.
Who else are we nicer than? See graph below.
1. Because we're not afraid of public displays of affection…
2. Because women are in charge…
3. Because our local theater scene tells true, inspiring Oregon stories…
4. Because Kevin Calabro and Lamar Hurd make even Blazer losses fun…
5. Because we're still No. 1 in semi-factual superlatives…
6. Because we have a sixth quadrant now…
7. Because the hottest rapper in the game is obsessed with us…
8. Because Oregon is gradually getting more diverse, and in unexpected ways…
9. Because we can work it out…
10. Because we helped jump-start the movement that's changing the tech
industry…
11. Because if you want to, you can dance to…
12. Because we're so sex positive, you can take a class on…
13. Because we're working to become a bike haven again…
14. Because after walking across Antarctica, I can still come back
to my favorite dive bar…
15. Because the Blazers' game-day posters are the coolest collectibles in sports…
16. Because our airport is Beervana…
17. Because our fake fast food beats the real thing…
18. Because the Big Pipe is keeping poop out of the river…
19. Because we're making an effort to diversify the cannabis industry…
20. Because we finally have a virtual reality playland…
21. Because we have nicer weather than Hawaii (no, really)…
22. Because Basic Rights Oregon is fighting for LGTBQ+ rights—and winning…
23. Because Portland State's gym just underwent an awesome makeover…
24. …and the courthouse is getting one, too.
25. Because our hotel bars are some of the best bars in the city…
26. Because you'll spend less time in jail here than the national average…
27. Because we make some of the best guitar pedals in the biz…
28. Because our Curry is better than that other Curry…