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Contributors: Matthew P. Singer, Mac Smiff, Casey Martin, Parker Hall, Chris Stamm, Mark A. Stock, Blake Hickman, Cris Lankenau, Maya McOmie, Isabel Zacharias, Cervante Pope, Nathan Carson.
FIVE BEST THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN PORTLAND MUSIC THIS YEAR
1. Aminé plays The Tonight Show.
2. The Explode Into Colors reunion.
4. Friends of Noise launches with the intent of founding a nonprofit all-ages music venue.
5. The Thermals open for Bernie Sanders. (MPS)
FIVE WORST THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN PORTLAND MUSIC THIS YEAR
4. RIP Radiation City, Gossip and Agalloch.
5. That whole Joel Magid thing. (MPS)
FIVE MOST WTF PORTLAND MUSIC STORIES OF THE YEAR
1. YACHT's fake sex-tape stunt.
2. Local metalhead's stolen vest shows up in a display at Macy's in New York.
3. World-famous Bono impersonator tricks Portland into thinking he's the real guy.
4. iLoveMakonnen lives here now for some reason.
5. Isaac Brock causes a multiple-Subaru fender-bender on the Morrison Bridge. (MPS)
FIVE BEST PORTLAND RAP PROJECTS OF THE YEAR
4. Myke Bogan, The Last Artful, Dodgr and Neill Von Tally, Rare Treat
5. A-RU$$, You Know Who You Are (MS)
FIVE BEST PORTLAND METAL ALBUMS OF THE YEAR
3. The Body, No One Deserves Happiness
5. Saola, Black Canvas (CM)
FIVE BEST PORTLAND JAZZ ALBUMS OF THE YEAR
1. Coco Columbia, When the Birds Begin to Walk
4. Ryan Meagher, Mist. Moss. Home.
5. Trio Subtonic, Fiction (PH)
FIVE BEST PORTLAND PUNK DEMOS OF THE YEAR
1. Macho Boys
2. Sweats
3. PMS 84
4. U-NIX
5. In Flux (CS)
FIVE BEST PORTLAND ALBUM COVERS OF 2016
1. Radiation City, Synesthetica
4. Summer Cannibals, Full of It
5. WL, Light Years (MAS)
FIVE SADDEST PORTLAND SONGS OF THE YEAR
2. Little Star, "For Goth Easter"
3. Mean Jeans, "Are There Beers In Heaven?"
4. Eluvium, "Posturing Through Metaphysical Collapse"
5. Sam Coomes, "Fordana" (CS)
FIVE BEST PORTLAND RAP SINGLES
1. The Last Artful, Dodgr, "Squadron"
2. Maze Koroma ft. Blossom, "Curfew"
4. Blossom, "Black Magic Woman"
5. Mic Capes ft. Vinnie Dewayne, "Jumper Cables" (MS)
FIVE BEST SONGS I HEARD LISTENING TO 99.5 THE WOLF ON MY WORK COMMUTE
1. "You Look Like I Need a Drink," Justin Moore
2. "Drink On It," Blake Shelton
3. "Drink in My Hand," Eric Church
4. "Pretty Good at Drinkin' Beer," Billy Currington
5. "Drinking Class," Lee Brice (BH)
FIVE PORTLAND SONGS TO HELP YOU COPE WITH THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION
1. Kyle Craft, "Before the Wall"
5. Chuck Westmoreland, "There's a Pattern in the Blood" (MAS)
FIVE MOST UNDERRATED PORTLAND RAPPERS OF THE YEAR
1. Donte Thomas
2. Elton Cray
3. Raquel Divar
5. I$$A (BH)
FIVE BEST FINDS IN THE USED VINYL SECTION OF EVERYDAY MUSIC THIS YEAR
1. Arthur Russell, World of Echo,
still in shrink-wrap.
2. Beulah, The Coast Is Never Clear
3. TV on the Radio, Dear Science, priced at $25 but paid $5 when the cashier failed to recognize the faint imprint of a "2" on the price tag.
4. Damien Jurado, I Break Chairs
5. Destroyer, City of Daughters (CL)
FIVE FAVORITE RANDOM CONCERT MOMENTS OF THE YEAR
1. Ice Cube assuring the crowd at MusicfestNW presents Project Pabst that he's still a hard-ass, then performing "Check Yo Self" against a video of him murking people in movies.
2. Half the crowd onstage at the end of the Insane Clown Posse show at Hawthorne Theatre, drenched in Faygo and sweat, and chanting, "Family!"
3. Tim Frazier running onstage at the Crystal to do the Tim Frazier Chronicles dance during Damian Lillard's concert debut.
4. Bruce Springsteen's mumbled Sleater-Kinney shout-out at Moda Center.
5. Carly Rae Jepsen putting on a cape for one song at Wonder Ballroom. (MPS)
FIVE BEST MOMENTS AT MUSICFESTNW PRESENTS PROJECT PABST
1. A crowd of 30-ish people gathers on the bridge behind the stage during the Ice Cube show.
2. A friendship is formed when a singer joins a guitarist at Pabst Wax to record a cover song.
3. Just about everyone at Tame Impala passes around a joint to
their neighbors.
4. Andrew W.K. rips up the stage and spits up a huge loogie into his hair.
5. Ween fans chat excitedly how they came out specifically to see the band, and mouth every word to the songs. (MM)
FIVE MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE AT MFNWPPP
1. The guy who stood right in front of me at Ween in a shirt that read "Build Bikes, Drink Beer."
2. The narc who got my friend kicked out for smoking a cigarette.
3. The Ben & Jerry's promoters handing out free ice cream instead of water bottles.
4. Andrew W.K.
5. Anyone who left right before Duran Duran. (IZ)
FIVE BEST HOUSE SHOWS I SAW THIS YEAR
1. The Shivas, Kozyol and Reptaliens' first show at the Dacha
2. Love Cop, Panaderia, Toxic Slime and Funeral Gold at Pool's Closed
3. Cool Ghouls, Psychomagic, the Goobs and Dim Wit at Pal's Clubhouse
4. Homies, Dim Wit, the Shivas at Crush House
5. Birthday Block Party with Drowse, Sabonis, Mo Troper and the Assumptions, Rod, Chugger, Naked Hour, Rap Class and Amanda Eve at Southeast 22nd and Hawthorne (CP)
FIVE SHOWS THAT WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER AS HOUSE SHOWS
1. Ringo Deathstarr at Star Theater
2. Charles Bradley at the Crystal Ballroom
3. Sonny and the Sunsets at Mississippi Studios
4. Two Moons, Dowager, Quone and Lubec at Anarres
5. 20xx, Sculpture Club, Acracy, Drunken Palms at Anarres (CP)
FIVE BEST RECURRING SHOWS OF THE YEAR
1. Michael Hurley and the Croakers, third Fridays at Laurelthirst
2. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group, Thursdays at Jimmy Mak's
3. Kung Pao Chickens, Mondays at Laurelthirst
4. Atlantis Underground: Songwriter Sessions, Tuesdays at Mississippi Pizza Pub
5. Red Yarn, Thursdays at Mississippi Pizza Pub (IZ)
FIVE REASONS I LEFT THE FATHER JOHN MISTY CONCERT AT EDGEFIELD EARLY
1. I ran out of beer money.
2. It started raining.
3. I couldn't get backstage to meet Stephen Malkmus.
4. My daughter was getting sleepy.
5. Father John Misty. (CS)
FIVE BEST SYMPHONIES I SAW AT THE SCHNITZ THIS YEAR
1. Turangalîla
2. Holst's The Planets
3. Elgar's Symphony No. 1
4. Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony
5. Chopin's Piano Concerto No. 1 (NC)
FIVE BEST BARS TO SEE LIVE DJS
1. Beech Street Parlor
2. Before shows at Portland Playhouse
3. Ground Kontrol
4. Jade Lounge
5. The Tannery (IZ)
FIVE BEST OPEN MICS I ATTENDED THIS YEAR
1. Sonic Forum at the Goodfoot
2. Artichoke every other Thursday
3. Clyde's Prime Rib's Sunday Jazz Jam
4. The Lamp on Sundays
5. Pub at the End of the Universe
on Thursdays (IZ)
FIVE PORTLAND MUSIC EVENTS THAT (PROBABLY) WON'T EVER HAPPEN AGAIN
1. Watching Divers destroy the Know's Alberta location.
2. Seeing Mel Brown at Jimmy Mak's.
3. Dancing astronauts crowd-surfing on inflatable flamingos during STRFKR's MFNWpPP set.
4. Watching Kyle Craft at the Liquor Store in front of mostly friends and family.
5. A backyard house show double feature with Psychomagic and Cool Ghouls—too good to replicate. (MAS)
FIVE REASONS TO ACTUALLY LOOK FORWARD TO 2017
2. PJ Harvey playing Crystal Ballroom.
3. Frank Ocean headlining Sasquatch.
4. The Last Artful, Dodgr's new full-length album, Bone Music.
5. Maybe more Explode Into Colors shows? Please? (MPS)