In the War Between Sea Lions and Astoria, a Victory for the Oppressors

Cruel humans are trying to use dancing monsters to scare sea lions off the docks of Astoria.

By Lizzy Acker

It's a tale as old as David and Goliath or, probably even older: the sea lions of Astoria want to chill on the docks of Astoria and the humans of Astoria would rather they didn't.

Last year in June, the humans came up with what they thought was a great deterrent to the barking sea dogs who they feel are ruining their docks: a fake orca piloted by a Scooby Doo villain.

The humans failed.

This year, according to KOIN 6, the humans came back to the battlefield with a new tactic: dancing balloons of the sort you might see in front of an auto dealership.

This time, the Machiavellian works of mankind seem to have succeeded. It turns out that terrifying dancing monsters make your chill spot much less chill.

Is it fair to kick the sea lions off your docks after you have built on top of the beaches and rocks their ancestors chilled upon unmolested? Of course it's not fair. Humans, for the record, have never gone in much for fairness.

The sea lions, for their part, seem to be regrouping. All it will take, really, is for one of them to realize they can puncture and vanquish the dancing demons with one bite.

And the battle rages on.

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