Print this out to play at (Charlie's) home:
□ Choo-choo room. Scale model of Portland showing planned streetcars on every major street. The locomotives have been modified to move at the real-life pace of one inch per minute.
□ Conductor’s cap. For use in choo-choo room.
□ Dusty set of turntables. While former Mayor Sam Adams gains ever more fame as Portland’s best DJ of ritzy benefit galas, Charlie “DJ Sad Eyez” Hales project remains crated.
□ Sam Adams voodoo doll. “It’s all your fault!” [stab] “You spent all our money!” [stab] “Everyone liked you because you bought them things!” [stab]
□ Sepia-toned photo of the old Hales homestead in Stevenson, Wash. Charlie lived there from 2004 to 2009, avoiding some of Oregon’s higher income tax. The Gorge is so pretty this time of year.
□ A velvet bag containing a small collection of trinkets confiscated from homeless camps.
□ Golden shovel. Used for twice-a-week groundbreaking ceremonies at swanky no-parking condo complexes.
□ Framed picture of self as Chucky from Child’s Play.
□ Bulletin board borrowed from police station displaying photos and dossiers of every resident at the intersection of Southeast 127th Avenue and Mill Court, the mascots for Hales’ decision-making.
□ Golden scissors. Used at ribbon-cutting ceremonies for completed municipal projects. So far unused.
□ Collection of sailor’s knots carefully tied and re-tied while sailing up and down the West Coast on his sailboat.
GO: The 35th annual Duniway Holiday Home Tour is Friday, Dec. 6. Day session 10 am-3 pm, night session 6-9 pm. Tickets $25 at duniwayhometour.org.