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December 24th, 2013 12:01 am WW Staff | Headout

Headout: Buzzed-Feed

Our 14 favorite ways to get drunk for New Year’s 2014.

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  1. The rum-punch drunk, which feels a lot less like being punched than like woozily waking up after being knocked out. You’ll be asking yourself: Where have I been all my life?

  2. That hyper-jittery punch-your-friend Red Bull-and-HRD vodka drunk that’s like cocaine without the sniffles.

  3. The imperial barrel-aged stout drunk where you don’t know how drunk you are until you stand up and can’t feel your feet.

  4. The I-think-the-bubbles-went-hic!-right-to-my-head drunk that comes from nabbing too many other people’s sparkling wine flutes off the platter at midnight.

  5. The old-man, cheap-gin drunk where your cheeks flush, your heart palpitates and everything you say and think is about a good old memory that’s a hell of a lot better than what’s happening in front of you right now. Go to hell. I love you.

  6. The André Peach Passion drunk where your mouth feels fuzzier than the fuzziest Georgia peach and you’re already developing phantom pains in anticipation of tomorrow’s soul-killing headache.

  7. The raging Schlitz.

  8. The highly literary, artistic, Parisian-expat absinthe drunk that mostly involves knocking over a bunch of chairs and insulting attractive strangers.

  9. The crappy light-beer drunk where your stomach is full because you had to drink so much to get drunk, and no matter how much you pee, you still have to keep peeing and your pee looks like the beer you just drank.

  10. The tequila dr—WOOOOO!—unk.

  11. The mom-pants, airy-headed, red-wine drunk that’s mildly forgetful and charming for being so unpracticed. It’s kind of like the first time you saw your grandma use the F-word.

  12. The vaguely animalistic Old Crow drunk that leaves your mouth feeling like the remains of a campfire, and nothing but piss and vinegar in your blood—probably from your kidneys not working.

  13. The gilded-stomach Goldschläger drunk: You’ll look a lot better on the inside than you do on the outside, baby.

  14. The 0.5-percent near-beer drunk that comes only from persistence that is too terrible to imagine.

GO!: New Year’s Eve is Tuesday, December 31. See our picks here.

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