ESPRESSO
A "shot" of coffee made by forcing near-boiling water through a handheld filter packed with finely ground coffee beans. Traditionally 1 ounce, but most Portland coffee houses pour 2-ounce double shots by default. Pronounced "expresso" by precocious children, mouth-breathing adults and those who drive an upgraded Plymouth Breeze.
Milk: None. Consider this the blank canvas on which your barista will craft your caffeine fantasies. Read on for the myriad ways milk is added to improve (or ruin, if you're Eurotrash) the sweet, brown lifeblood of the Pacific Northwest.
LATTE
Similar to an Americano, only with warm milk instead of hot water added to the espresso. With a bevy of milk options and flavored syrups (vanilla! blue raspberry!), the latte's malleability makes it the #basicbitch of the coffee world.
Milk: Cow juice, or the milk substitute of your choice, is heated with steam in a metal pitcher then carefully poured on top of espresso. A small layer of textured foam allows the barista to use the low-density remnants of froth to draw a flower, a heart, or even his phone number.
CORTADO
A less milky latte "cut" with milk, favored in Spain and popularized in the Bay Area as a "Gibraltar" to roving tech bros with wine hangovers.
Milk: An even ratio of espresso and "wet" steamed milk. A dab of texture on top will suffice, but too much foam is inching into cappuccino territory.
MACCHIATO
Italian for "marked," it's a cute espresso-based drink with even less milk than a cortado. The goopy Starbucks "Caramel Macchiato"? Whatever the hell it is, it's not a macchiato.
Milk: A tiny dash of steamed milk on top of a shot of espresso. At an unfamiliar shop, order an "espresso macchiato" for the sake of clarity.
CAPPUCCINO
A latte's little brother, plus foam. Purists consider this to be the only acceptable pairing of milk and espresso to enjoy while polishing a Vespa. Not to be confused with a "French Vanilla Cappuccino" at Plaid Pantry, which is a traditional side dish for lottery tickets.
Milk: Quantity takes a backseat to texture: In a traditional 5-ounce pour, even layers of espresso, steamed milk and creamy froth are the ultimate goal. Asking for a "dry" yields lighter, bubbly froth that leaves a beerlike trail on the rim of the glass, while a "wet" capp contains more milk below a diminished layer of foam.
FLAT WHITE
Its origins lie in Australia and New Zealand, but the flat white is a newly popular fringe drink among East Coast transplants who believe foam is for the weak, with "too much f-cking froth on the top every time!" You'd be mad too if you were wrested away from Dunkin' Donuts against your will.
Milk: Steamed with as little frothing action as possible by the barista, then added to espresso as one would with a latte.
CAFFE BREVE
A latte prepared with steamed half-and-half rather than whole milk, because your doctor told you to stop using buttermilk and the barista got tired of running to the kitchen to grab the heavy cream.
Milk: Steam some half-and-half; ensure your home defibrillator is in working order.
CON PANNA
Espresso is strong, dark and bitter. Whipped cream is light, airy and sweet. You're an enigma wrapped in a conundrum with a preference for strange contrast served in a tiny ceramic mug. Pinkies up!
Milk: Whipped cream atop a shot of espresso. Make sure your beard is free of creamy trace elements before your bartending shift at your neighborhood metal-dude bar.
CAFE AU LAIT
For the milk lover who can't stomach espresso. It's fun to order, contains brewed coffee instead of the hard stuff, and ensures a creamy texture that's hotter than adding cream to a cup of coffee.
Milk: Like a latte, only with coffee: Milk is steamed and added to a cup of coffee. Far less fussy than the name suggests.
Our Favorite New Portland Cafes | Coffees From Around the World in Portland
Secrets of the Mermaid: Starbucks in Bizarro World | Milk Drinks Explained
24 Hours Straight in an All-Night Coffee Shop | Portland Coffee Gear
WWeek 2015