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You know who Ian Karmel is. You know he's one of the biggest standup comedians to come out of Portland, you know he's written for Chelsea Handler, and you might even know he's now writing for James Corden, Craig Ferguson's replacement on The Late Late Show. But did you know he broke both of a kid's legs in middle-school football? Did you know he's a fan of Whose Line Is It Anyway? Probably not. (Because, why?)
Karmel
is recording a live album at Mississippi Studios this week. To truly
appreciate these sets, you need to know Karmel. Everything about him. We
set our top quizmasters to rooting out every last detail of Karmel's
life from the most obscure publications in the world, like The Portland Mercury. Test your knowledge below.
Part One: Multiple Choice
1. Which Beaverton-area high school did Ian attend?
A. Beaverton
B. Westview
C. Southridge
D. Aloha
2. In what L.A. suburb does Ian currently reside?
A. Glendale
B. Pasadena
C. Santa Monica
D. Burbank
3. What was Ian's first hip-hop CD?
A. Aquemini by OutKast
B. Kid 'n Play's Funhouse by Kid 'n Play
C. MP da Last Don by Master P
D. Cypress Hill IV by Cypress Hill
4. What CD did Ian wear out in the summer between the eighth and ninth grades?
A. Significant Other by Limp Bizkit
B. Infest by Papa Roach
C. Follow the Leader by Korn
D. The Battle of Los Angeles by Rage Against the Machine
5. What's the best band name ever, according to Ian?
A. Metallica
B. Anthrax
C. Megadeth
D. Slayer
6. Which Portland Trail Blazer once gave Ian a piggyback ride?
A. Kevin Duckworth
B. Joel Pryzbilla
C. Steve Blake
D. Bonzi Wells
7. What position did Ian play in high-school football?
A. Quarterback
B. Defensive tackle
C. Offensive lineman
D. Tight end
8. What other extracurricular activity did he devote himself to in high school?
A. Glee club
B. Dungeons and Dragons club
C. The school newspaper
D. Chess team
9. What did he major in at Portland State?
A. Theater
B. History
C. Political science
D. A and C
10. What's the worst place Ian's ever worked?
A. Spaghetti Factory
B. A sewer
C. The Mercury
D. Netflix call center
11. What advanced degree did Ian consider pursuing?
A. MFA
B. M.D.
C. Ph.D.
D. J.D.
12. Which X-Man did Karmel once engage in a push-up contest?
A. Storm (Halle Berry)
B. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman)
C. Professor X (Patrick Stewart)
D. Cyclops (James Marsden)
13. Ian has trouble gauging the quality of which beverage?
A. Coffee
B. Wine
C. Beer
D. A and B
Part Two: Short Answer
14. What number did Ian wear in football?
15. Where was Ian's first open-mic?
16. Where was Ian's first show?
17. Which came first, the open-mic or the show?
18. What would Ian do if a galactic civil war broke out?
19. What Twitter handles did Ian try for before settling on @IanKarmel?
20. What three groups does Ian say he belongs to?
SEE IT: Ian Karmel plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., on Saturday, Feb. 7. 8 and 10:30 pm. Sold out. 21+.
Answers:
Part 1
1. B
2. A
3. C
4. A
5. C
6. A
7. B
8. C
9. C
10. D
11. D
12. D
13. D
Part Two
14. 73
15. Tonic Lounge
16. Clinton Street Theater
17. The show
18. "I'd like to think I'd be in an X-wing or at least maybe spending a few months backpacking around Kashyyyk…you know, just figuring some stuff out before I head back to Oberlin."
19. "ChampagnePapi" and "HairWeaveKiller."
20. "Jews, comedians, really handsome fat guys."
WWeek 2015