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Old Portland is dead.
We know this for many reasons, including the fact that a local theater group is staging a funeral for it this weekend. What we don't know is exactly when it was born, or when it took its last coughing gasp of breath.
Keep in mind: When people talk about Old Portland, they mean a sliver of time. It wasn't when people here were dying of dysentery, or when it was illegal for black people to step foot on Oregon soil, or when the city's mayor was rolling out the red carpet for the Ku Klux Klan.
Rather, the birth of the "Old Portland" people loved so well seems to have happened sometime after the early 1970s, when the first big wave of transplants from California and loud people with hard vowels began arriving, pulling the region from redneckery. That era appears to have ended roughly when a second wave of those people came and filled up the existing housing supply, causing the city to become unaffordable for an existing population that didn't have the foresight to purchase inexpensive real estate while it was available.
But wouldn't it be nice to have more specific dates? Of course. So, as Portland's newspaper of record on subjects of cultural epochs, we are conducting a poll to officially determine the birth and death dates of Old Portland. Vote below.
BORN
Bud "Expose Yourself to Art" Clark elected mayor
He makes everything wacky!
Satyricon opens
The former poetry bar becomes one of the most celebrated rock clubs on the West Coast and a rite of passage for bands from Nirvana to the White Stripes.
Fred asks Toody to play bass in his new punk band
Dead Moon forms and influences generations of DIY musicians in the Northwest.
Bob and Dianne score a buncha blues
The Drugstore Cowboy lovebirds rob the old Nob Hill Pharmacy. America falls in love with these scrappy kids and the weird little city they call home.
Free PBR Thursdays
EJ's, a strip club-turned-rock club, offers free PBR for two hours on Thursdays. Because it's free, people drink it without noticing it tastes terrible. It somehow becomes the most popular beer in town.
DIED
Charlie "DJ Sad Eyez" Hales elected mayor
He makes everything developable!
Portland P Palace doesn't open
Voodoo Doughnut owner Tres Shannon's dream of turning an old car dealership into "a nightlife nirvana where all the offerings—from putt-putt golf to pool to PBR—would begin with the letter 'P'" is thwarted by newfangled seismic codes.
Fred asks Carrie to help make jokes about organic produce and artisanal light bulbs
Portlandia debuts on IFC, and now it's all anyone asks about when you go home for the holidays.
Luke and Jess chillax at growler hour
Burnside 26 power couple hang out drinking gluten-free booze at sky lounge, the patio atop their swanky apartment building.
No-cone Thursday at a crime scene
Salt & Straw is forced to close for a few hours after a shooting during Last Thursday. Disappointed ice-cream lovers snap selfies near yellow tape. "That's not what I wanted when I opened an ice-cream shop," the tearful owner told The Oregonian.
Voting is closed. Thanks for participating!
GO: Services for Old Portland are at Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., on Sunday, Aug. 16. 4 pm. Free. In lieu of flowers, please buy tickets to a matinee performance of Time, a Fair Hustler.
WWeek 2015