Skip to main content
WW writer James Helmsworth selects his top moments from the first night of all-female comedy festival All Jane No Dick, which kicked off yesterday with a showcase of local comics (plus Kyle Mizono). The festival continues through Sunday; check out the schedule here. Read our Q&A with comedian Kate Berlant here, and find some of our festival picks here.
(And for those who were wondering: No, men's rights activist Matt "The Lone" Woof did not show up to protest.)
"Body positive, sex positive—sing along if you know the words—advocate for social justice and sensitive language. You know, just typical, typical Virgo. You know what that makes me, really? Just a giant pain in the ass." —Caitlin Weierhauser
"If a kid's being made fun of, we tell them to say, "Hey, I am rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you." But in my case, it's been a lot more like, "I'm Tupperware and you are tomato sauce. Whatever you say becomes a part of me and ruins me forever." —Katie Nguyen
"There was a point in my life when I got into porn a little too much. Got addicted to porn. They had to put me on Suicide Girl watch." —Whitney Streed
"So I've been trying to explore on my own, figure out my own ways of being more mature, more adult. Like, I changed the bottle on my gravity bong. I use the tonic water. It felt more mature." —Whitney Streed
"I feel the same way about my 401k that I feel about most David Lynch movies. I just assume I'm only going to get like half of this." —Whitney Streed
"I've been wondering if, by Shakespeare's standards, my life is a tragedy or a comedy. Because everybody keeps dying, but I'm making a lot of puns." —Lucia Fasano
"I grocery shop much like I date. Like, 'Uh, what's in front of me, I'll take it, it's giving me anxiety, I've gotta go! What is this couscous that won't call me back tomorrow? Perfect. Get inside me!'" —JoAnn Schinderle
"I hate dating with the same amount of passion that was missing from my marriage." —Veronica Heath
"There are some things in common between my tits and Precious. They're both critically acclaimed award winners. They're too gritty and real for a lot of people to deal with on a daily basis. They both steal chicken for some reason." —Amy Miller
"If you're a lady in this room and you're thinking about being a comic, don't. It's awful. This part's fine. I love this, I like your smiling faces. You guys are awesome. I love this part. But the rest of our time, we're just hanging out with a buncha dudes that are all convinced they're funny." —Amy Miller
"Ugh, women comics, amirite?" —Kristine Levine
"I told my Dad I'm so Portland I actually broke up with a guy that had a great job, worked 9 to 5 at a bank. He couldn't take a day off to go huckleberry picking with me. Now I'm fucking a magician. Because Portland. He's a magician that works part-time at a porn store." —Kristine Levine
"So, how I feel being an Asian American comedian? This one time I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I was with my boyfriend, who's a caucasian gentleman. And we were in line for sandwiches, and this homeless guy kind of stumbled in. And he seemed like he was on some kind of drug or something. And he looks at me and he goes 'VIETNAMESE!' And then he looks at my boyfriend and goes 'VIETNAM!' And then he looks at the Subway employee who's working and goes, 'I'll kill you with a basketball.' I think that's sort of how I feel being an Asian American comedian." —Kyle Mizono
WWeek 2015