Five Tips for Celebrating "Decemberists Day"

Portland is dedicating Jan. 20 to Colin Meloy and crew (and snubbing Sleater-Kinney).

By MATTHEW SINGER

I believe it was Andy Warhol who said, "In the future, everyone in Portland will have a day named in their honor." Thanks largely to former Mayor Sam Adams' insatiable appetite for proclamations, our calendar is stuffed with commemorations of everything from Bill Schonely to sea otters to the Norwegian Constitution. It's amazing there are any days left which haven't yet been occupied. Luckily for the Decemberists, Jan. 20—the release date of the band's new album, What a Terrible World, What a Beautiful World—was still open. And thus, lest anyone forget the contributions Colin Meloy and his band of indie-folk brainiacs have made to Portland culture, we finally have The Decemberists Day.  

Per Capitol Records' press release: 

That's nice and all, but there's an obvious question here: What about Sleater-Kinney? The revered indie-rock trio is also releasing its long-awaited (and totally ruling) reunion album, No Cities to Love, on Jan. 20. Why the snub, Sad Eyes? Maybe getting your own day here is like being "made" by the mafia, which requires a pure Italian bloodline: S-K technically started in Olympia, Wash., so maybe that renders them ineligible. Then again, Oct. 15 is Portlandia Day, so perhaps that's meant to cover all of Carrie Brownstein's endeavors. 

Next obvious question: How, exactly, does one celebrate Decemberists Day? We've got a few suggestions:

  1. Spend an hour waxing your Buick-sized replica of an obscure Civil War battleship.
  2. Go glasses shopping.
  3. Stand on your neighbors lawn playing "16 Military Wives" on the bouzouki. It does not matter if you know how to play the bouzouki or not.
  4. Turn the nearest shrubbery into a Decemberists tree. Suggested decorations: lockets with photos of fallen soldiers from the 1800s; yellowed 17th century nautical manuals; old bits of silver; a stuffed wren; your great-great-grandfather's cufflinks; whatever came in your last NPR subscription gift bag. 
  5. If you're former WW Music Editor/Colin Meloy doppelganger Casey Jarman, go around to various Portland businesses, tell them you're Colin Meloy and it's your special day and demand as much free shit as possible.

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