Sea Lions 1, Fake Orca 0

The Fake Orca of Astoria has failed in his mission to end a plague of sea lions.

By Lizzy Acker

Much like LeBron James, the fake orca of Astoria has failed in his mission to fix all the problems of one town on his own. 

The fiberglass orca captivated the world as a solution to the growing number of sea lions who have taken over Astoria's docks, blocking locals from their boats. But when it finally launched this morning after engine trouble delayed its inaugural float, the once-proud fake orca, which was actually a boat with a man inside, was pushed over by the wake of a passing ship. 

“Our crew from the port had to go rescue the operator so he didn’t drown,” said Jim Knight, executive director of the Port of Astoria, according to KOIN News.

The sea lions, who were silenced for a moment when the fake orca hit the water, resumed their loud lives as unbeatable winners as soon as the orca was defeated. No word on whether any of them will bring an adorable sea lion pup to a press conference about their victory.

Astoria officials say they might try take the fake orca out for another spin in August.

Oregonian reporter Andrew Theen tweeted the following:

And he would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.

 

WWeek 2015

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