Beezus Walks

Illustrations by Nick Patton

Ramona Quimby is the Portland child-lit equivalent of a Kardashian. She operates in a self-centered bubble and then gets guide-book chapters written about her. Heck, Portland built a life-sized bronze statue in her likeness and Oregon Children's Theatre is revisiting Beverly Cleary's books onstage. But Ramona's older teen sister, Beezus, is the real badass, with brains, a heart of gold and a willingness to share gummy bears. Where is Beezus' statue?

In honor of the series' true hero, we give you this tour of the Quimby legacy, in the name of Beezus.

Somewhere in this vicinity, Beezus and her little red wagon helped dreamy Henry Huggins haul 49 boxes of gum, dumped in a vacant lot by a vending-machine magnate who went bust. 3030 NE Weidler St., 280-1300, fredmeyer.com.

Portland always stole bikes. Beezus and hunky Henry Huggins went to a police auction featuring enough lost or stolen bikes "to equip half a company of soldiers." 4735 E Burnside St., 221-0415, portlandoregon.gov/police/30559.

Beezus devotes herself to baton lessons every Saturday. She has lofty dreams of twirling in Portland's yearly paragon of juvenile marching-band artistry. Northeast Sandy Boulevard and 52nd Avenue, rosefestival.org.

Beezus plays the Blessed Virgin Mary for the Christmas Nativity play. Jealous of her sister, Ramona ruins the rest of a fine Christmas evening by bitching about her sheep costume. 1624 NE Hancock St., 287-1289, westprespdx.org.

When Mr. Quimby loses his job at the storage company, Beezus takes umbrage with her father's cigarette habit, launching an adamant anti-smoking campaign. 1130 NE 28th Ave., 284-8111, ustorenw.com.

Beezus lives for crispy-outside, mealy-inside fries at Whopperburger, likely based on the gloriously greasy Hollywood [UPDATE: Now Reo's Ribs], which opened in 1954. 4211 NE Sandy Blvd., 288-6422, hollywoodburgerbar.com.

Both sleuthy and selfless, Beezus spends her time at home eavesdropping through the ventilation pipes and feeding the family cat, Picky-Picky. Beezus theoretically lived on Klickitat Street, but the real house is Cleary's old place on Hancock. 3340 NE Hancock St.

Creative writing class is the bane of Beezus' existence. But there's a whiff of Whitman in her attempt: "See the bird in the tree. He is singing to me." 1915 NE 33rd Ave., 916-6480, beverlyclearyschool.org.

GO: Ramona Quimby is at the Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571. 2 pm and 5 pm Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays through May 31. $26-$30.

Willamette Week