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Lauren is used to a simple life, one full of sex, bar hopping, and a job that pays the bills, more or less. Things feel exciting and stable and fun—until she arrives home one day to a tragedy she could never have imagined.
Portland author Bristol Vaudrin’s debut novel, Afterward (Tortoise Books, 242 pages, $18.99), follows narrator Lauren Delgado through the messy aftermath of navigating a loved one’s trauma and the ripple effect that event has on her own life.
While her boyfriend Kyle begins a long and complicated process of recovery, Lauren thinks she can clean up the mess on her own and move on. But soon she realizes Kyle is no longer the same person. Had she ignored the signs before? Or had something always loomed under the surface?
While Kyle is home recuperating (or, from Lauren’s perspective, stagnating), Lauren starts hitting bars more often than she used to. And when her solo drinking gets boring, she welcomes invites from previously not-so-interesting co-workers to take long, boozy lunch breaks and endless happy hours. Meanwhile, Kyle is at home, so glued to sports on the tube it’s easy to see why Lauren would be annoyed with him. Soon, the couple starts drifting apart, and though Lauren doesn’t seem to see it herself at first, we wonder: Is their relationship strong enough to survive tragedy?
Following Lauren around her unnamed town is both entertaining and frustrating. Though we spend most of the book not fully understanding the details of what happened that fateful day with Kyle, we get enough hints to piece it together. The unnameableness of the incident serves to mirror Lauren’s own denial. She is so shocked by what happened she cannot bear to talk about it with Kyle or even in an honest way with herself.
Denial becomes the name of the game in Afterward: denying feelings, addictions and oneself the opportunity to process difficult circumstances. Told through a strong and youthful voice, Afterward introduces an at times goofy yet headstrong narrator in the throes of her life’s first crisis. Vaudrin shares that while Lauren’s age is never directly stated on the page, she wanted her to be “a young 26. And I say young because she really shows a self-centeredness and lack of maturity in dealing with the issues that come up in the book.” (After this, Vaudrin would invite me to share a stage with her to continue this conversation as a co-launch event for our respective books.)
Lauren must also respond to frequent biases around her identity. As a mixed-race Mexican American woman, Lauren faces constant microaggressions. How will Lauren respond to the side eyes and questions, the constant othering?
Vaudrin, who grew up in Anchorage, Alaska, pulled from the experiences of her peers to create Lauren’s experience. “I was raised in a neighborhood where I was in the minority,” Vaudrin says. “So even though I’m a tourist to that true life experience, I have seen it growing up and how it has affected my friends, and I wanted to give it a voice, however small.”
The narrator’s voice is written so strongly, Lauren is immediately alive on the page; she feels like a little sister I want to help. Afterward is a great example of conversations-gone-wrong: it’s not what the characters are saying, but what they’re not saying. I spent the whole book cringing at Lauren’s decisions and reactions, but rooting for her all the same. Her counterpoint, Kyle, is a sympathetic character who I found myself really feeling for.
It’s my hope as a reader that Lauren grows as a result of her circumstances. But how far must she fall before she will wake up and make a change? Thankfully, Lauren’s coping skills aren’t all bad. She begins a regular workout routine—though she often indulges in post-workout martinis and wine—and tries to read at the end of the night instead of zoning out to TV with Kyle. As she becomes stronger physically, an obvious parallel emerges: Lauren’s empathetic and conversational strengths could use toning.
Afterward is a story about the first struggles of young adulthood, mental health, and the confusing places we find ourselves when things just aren’t working out.
GO: Bristol Vaudrin reads with Michelle Kicherer at a joint book launch party at The Old Portland Wine Bar, 1433 NW Quimby St. 7 pm Tuesday, March 4. Free.