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So, you're gay and you found love. Let's not sugarcoat your journey: select members of society's peanut gallery told you that you shouldn't find it, and you––you doubted if you could find it. It's not easy being picky, and emotionless sex was pretty cool there for a while. The bed is always greener when there's another side.
Despite the odds, you found Mr. Right. And whether he's a bear, a twink, an otter or even a seahorse (that's a Grindr tribe now, right?), he's going to expect something both nostalgic and sexy this February 14. Below, we give you a few gift ideas to chew over that just might do the trick.
Mr. Right and Mr. Always Right Shot Glasses
Ever get in those little fights with your boyfriend where he's like, "Wait, the first state to legalize gay marriage was New Hampshire?" And you're like, "No Dude, it was Massachusetts in 2004." And then things are quiet for ten minutes? (Fun fact, by the way). If anything, these homoeccentric shotlgasses might alleviate any tensions while the two of you prepare for a Friday night of heading to Stag. The two of you can settle arguments by designating which glass belongs to whom––turning a trivial feud into a humorous episode.
Whether you do or don't engage in anal intercourse, one thing is clear: butts can be nasty. As much as you enjoy thinking about your ex accidentally licking your excrement, that really shouldn't happen! An anal douche pushes fluid into the lowest part of your rectum, which rinses away lingering fecal matter. The OTBBA is FDA-approved and is pretty simple to use: you fill the bulb with water, stick the nozzle up there, and it's like a shower for your colon.
Looking: the Complete Series + Movie
Are you still upset that Patrick ended up with _____?
See, you didn't watch the movie! HBO's quickly abandoned gay staple of the early 2010's (is that what this decade is called!?) hit upon all the major gay male topics of the day––open relationships, sexual microagressions, Grindr cheating, and being Poz and out, to name a few. We should all be lucky that we got to spend, what, two years with these dudes? Also, I don't know about you, but even if the guys didn't look all that great throughout the show––I've gotta move to San Francisco. Snuggle up for a night in if you're over your vodka cran phase and do as the millennials do. Binge!
Pure Silicone Based Lube by Wet
Once you've properly douched, you might want to take advantage of your bottom. Many people don't know the difference between good lube and bad lube, and I'm not going to bother to explain it here. I will give one major pro-tip though: purely silicone lube means less pain. Wet Silicone Lube Platinum is a brand that produces a 100% silicone product that won't let you down. Cheap and dependable, consider it a V-Day stocking stuffer, if you will.
You can make all sorts of cute jokes when you present your partner with this one. This very affordable electric wine opener (with a charger) looks like a dildo at first glance, but it's leads to a different type of euphoria altogether. Tell your partner that it's time to leave vodka crans behind and book a wine tour for the two of you as a follow up to this gift. After all, you know what they say about wine. It's healthy, and it leads to better sex.
(Cool Stuff is a new feature at Willamette Week where we feature product reviews, roundups, sales and other commerce and shopping-oriented content. All Cool Stuff reviews are editorially independent, meaning we provide honest reviews and aren't paid by the brands we write about. If you do choose to purchase something after following one of our links, Willamette Week may receive a commission, which helps fund our journalism.)