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Let me be clear: I went to grad school. For poetry. I dropped out, but still: I’ve drunk my fair share of the hard stuff.
But something…happens as you approach your mid-30s. Hangovers hit differently. IYKYK, as the Gen Zers (who don’t yet have this problem) would say.
Fortunately, there’s a solution for when you want to get in the spirit without the spirits: mocktails. And Portland’s got some great ones. From herbal delights to fizzy concoctions, here are four of our current favorites you can sip as spring turns to warm summer evenings.
Refreshing and Herbal: Beautiful Stranger at Victoria Bar ($10)
I’ll admit it: This is the drink that inspired this story. A friend of mine called it the best mocktail she’d ever had, and Adam LeBeau, co-owner of the Lightning Bar Collective (which includes Victoria Bar as well as The Uncanny), told me it’s a “heavy hitter” among the bar’s offerings. Originally mixed for a fundraising event for pet rescue organization One Tail at a Time, the Beautiful Stranger (yes, as in the Madonna song) has been on the menu for two years now.
I was skeptical, but when I tasted it, I understood: light, refreshing, with a ginger beer sweetness undergirded by the slight astringency and backbone of Dhōs Gin Free. The drink is garnished with a paper-thin cucumber slice—the perfect curling of which, Andrew, the bartender who mixes it for me, confirms, is “one of many” steps it takes to open the bar. Ironically, eating it is the last step in enjoying the drink; its crunchy snap serves to punctuate the refreshment, whose gentle and lingering spice hangs around for a while—in just the way you’d hope a beautiful stranger would.
Fizzy and Fruity: Pineapple Sour at Bar Cala ($10)
Sitting between the enormous twin monsteras that serve as Bar Cala’s sentinels, I ask who came up with the drink before me: the pineapple sour. The honor belongs to Brian Lucas—who has since moved on to mix a new adventure, bartender-on-duty Derek Mellinger tells me. This is Mellinger’s take on the shaken-not-stirred concoction, which contains housemade pineapple along with mint, lime, demerara sugar and an egg white. “We sell a lot of it,” Mellinger says, smiling. It’s one of the most popular cocktails on the menu, including the ones that actually contain alcohol.
I can understand why—its smooth, creamy mouthfeel and subtle sweetness transport me on a tropical vacation, and a classy one at that. On the back bar counter, I notice a whole pineapple—a ubiquitous sign of welcome and, here, a talisman. My drink is garnished with a small slice of one of its leaves. Even on a Wednesday night, the fruit has already had quite the haircut.
The Margarita That Isn’t: Ranch Hand at Fools & Horses ($10)
“If there had been a senior superlative for least likely to become a bartender,” says Portland-born Asher Fleming, the mixologist behind this smooth and smoky sip, “that would have been me.” He was a shy, quiet kid in high school, he assures me, with a personable grin that says he’s grown a lot since then. (He still has a sharp observer’s eye as a photographer, though.)
The mocktail, too, belies his assertion: Bright, bubbly and refined in equal measure, the Ranch Hand’s rim is speckled with volcanic black salt and topped with a hand-torched sprig of rosemary, the only source of its subtle yet sublime smoke. Its spirit-free backbone of Wilderton Citrus gives it an orangy punch that works perfectly with a splash of housemade rosemary syrup. Fleming says it’s “loosely a margarita,” and it’ll work if you want one—but truly, the drink is in a category all its own.
Spicy and Smooth: Gold Griot at sousòl ($15)
As the bar brainchild of celebrity chef Gregory Gourdet, who’s been sober for more than 15 years, it’s no surprise that sousòl boasts a robust roster of non-alcoholic and zero-proof drinks—and the Gold Griot, bartender Kylie Bissett tells me, is Gourdet’s favorite. I can see why at first sip: On the fruity backbone of the housemade jackfruit shrub, the drink’s spicy profile shines, with the mixture of clove, allspice, star anise and cinnamon making the experience feel like Christmas in the Caribbean.
Bissett and I chat as she mixes drink after drink, eventually revealing that she, too, has been sober for more than three years. Whereas people used to question her about that choice, she says, today she mostly just hears support and congratulations—a shift probably owed at least in part to the rise in popularity of zero-proof drinks. “I just love that we can order something that is not a soda,” she says. “It’s a fun cocktail.” Sipping on what she just made for me, I can say she’s absolutely right.