How Hygienic Are the Benson Bubblers?

I sometimes see people lifting their canine friends to lap up a little hydration from the Benson Bubblers. Is this sanitary? Should I pour a little Everclear on the bubbler before taking a sip? Or drink a little Everclear after taking a sip? —Just a Little Germophobic

You're my kind of guy, Germophobic. That said, what you should really do is sip a little water without swallowing, then sip a little Everclear. This is not to disinfect the water—the water is perfectly safe already—but just so you can say you made vodka in your mouth, which seems like a fun way to kill an afternoon.

On to your question: While you're way more likely to catch something from another human than from a dog, you're not going to do either through the Bubblers. It's somewhat counterintuitive, but the nozzles on the public drinking fountains we know as the Benson Bubblers are probably one of the most germ-free surfaces in the city—certainly more so than the drinking fountain by the restroom at your office building.

The most likely parts of your work fountain to carry germs are (a) the "on" button, because every nose-picker and butt-scratcher in the building touches it, and (b) the basin that catches the excess water, because apparently some horrible people spit into it after the water stops flowing.

The Bubblers, however, run constantly—they don't even have an "on" button! Moreover, because they never turn off, their spigots and basins are continually flushed with fresh water—which, like all city water, has been treated to be inhospitable to the very microbes you're worried about. Even if some tacky person (or animal) puts a mouth directly on the spigot, any residue will be rinsed away within seconds.

If there's any part of a Bubbler that might carry germs, it's the exterior surfaces where a person might rest a hand while taking a drink. The Portland Water Bureau took pains to assure me each fountain gets cleaned by maintenance staff every 10 days or so, but if you want to be absolutely safe (and civic-minded), try to hover over the basin hands-free, like a little hummingbird. You'll look adorable.

Editor's note: Since this column was published, the Water Bureau shut off the Bubblers. Probably best not to lick them for a while.