Who’s Not Picking Up the Dogs’ Poop on Mount Tabor?

Dr. Know, we need you. Mt. Tabor Off-Leash Dog Park needs you to unravel this poop bag mystery. As you can see by the attached photo, our busy dog park hasn’t had regular waste pickup for more than six months. Who’s not picking up the dogs’ poop? —Tom H.

Thanks for the photo, Tom—I must say, I’ve rarely seen a more eloquent argument for getting a cat. (Sure, having a litter box is no picnic either, but at least I have to empty it only twice a year.)

In case you can’t see it, what we’re looking at here is a large public trash can in a park, seemingly overflowing with what I would describe as a tidal wave of dog crap if tidal waves came in thousands of tiny, individual bags. What lazy public employee has so neglected their trash-emptying duty as to leave all these innocent dog owners with no choice but to pile their pet waste ON the receptacle they should be IN? It’s an outrage!

Unfortunately, this MAGA-ready narrative becomes a bit more nuanced when you notice the two large signs on the can clearly stating that it’s out of service. Also, it turns out that the can has been covered and locked this whole time, so it’s not so much “overflowing” as “being vandalized.” Add in the fact that there are three other working cans close by and the dog owners start to seem less like innocent victims and more like the kind of people who’d pee on the locked door of an out-of-order restroom and then complain about the smell.

Still, why was the can out of service for so long in the first place? It turns out that these are special “deep cans” that extend far underground. (The green cylinder we see at street level is just the tip of the shitberg.) Such cans have to be emptied by crane trucks, and during the recent renovation of the Mt. Tabor Yard maintenance facility, those trucks couldn’t get close enough to this one to empty it.

In fact, they still can’t—at least, not easily, which is why this particular can was removed two days after I contacted the parks bureau about it. Behold the power of the free press! Still, it wasn’t a total waste—this picture is bound to come in handy the next time your kids start insisting that they really do want a dog.

Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com.