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Over the past few months, I’ve seen quite a few “Student Driver” stickers on cars that don’t seem like driving instruction vehicles. Is this some kind of “Baby On Board” bandwagon trend, or are drivers just trying to get sympathy from the police if they get pulled over? —Nobody Cares
As I’m sure you can tell from my lustrous hair, sinewy physique, and godlike bladder control, Nobody, I’m far too young to recall the 1980s “Baby On Board” trend myself—like Jack Benny, I’m 39 and always have been. (Another way you can tell I’m not old is the way I express myself with references to 1940s radio comedians.)
If—hypothetically!—I were old enough to recall those “Baby On Board” signs, however, I would say the phenomenon had three phases: First it was a sincere (if misguided) safety measure, then it was a widespread fad, and finally it degenerated into self-parody with riffs like “Former Baby On Board,” “Ex-Husband in Trunk,” etc. “Please Be Patient: Student Driver” seems to be on a similar trajectory.
The “Student Driver” craze isn’t confined to Portland, either—I found folks from at least a dozen U.S. cities saying the signs are proliferating. It all seems to have begun during the pandemic: School closures were forcing parents to take over as driver’s ed teachers for their teenage kids, the signs were $4.99 on Amazon,* people were doing a lot of online shopping—how could it NOT happen?
That was the “sincere safety measure” phase. Once “Student Driver” signs entered the zeitgeist, however, everybody—including a lot of non-students, according to their social media posts—had to have one. The current top hit on Instagram for #studentdriver, for example, is a year-old post from a middle-aged mom saying that the sign lets her “drive however I want and everyone will be patient with me.” The post has 2,441 likes.
The final phase, self-parody, seems to be starting right about now. Examples include “Please Be Patient: I Am 9 Years Old,” “Please Stay Back: I Am Scared,” and “Please Don’t Park Too Close: I Am Fat.” My own favorite bumper sticker may have originated from this trend. Even if it didn’t, though, there’s no way I’m not mentioning “Please Keep Honking: I’m Behind the Wheel Trying to Suck My Own Dick and I’m Definitely Gonna Crash.”
*And still are! The top seller of them moved 10,000 units in the past month.
Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com.