Best Nights

Best Reading Series

If you're ready to upgrade your bar entertainment from a jukebox to a poetry reading, swing by Tony's Tavern (1955 W Burnside St., 228-4574)

Thursdays between 8 and 10 pm for a more macho than usual open mic. In the back of the bar, which is lit by Christmas lights and a Playboy pinball machine, co-host Tommy Gaffney introduces each reader as a "great friend," without any trace of sarcasm. With $3 generous pours of bourbon, the scene is anything but gentle or pretentious and topics typically center on, Gaffney says, "booze, fighting and fucking." ALLISON FERRÉ.

Best First Date

A dinner, a show, some social lubrication—that's what every date expects. But why bore him or her (and yourself) by blandly delivering? Instead, make your first meeting truly memorable by visiting the

to view one of the largest public displays of

convincingly floating behind glass with their unformed eyes tightly squinted and their little proto-fingers curled. But people, please—for Christ's sake and for beleaguered Jane Roes—don't be talking the politics. Or the sex. And no grosser-than-gross jokes, either. Matter of fact, don't even think about saying anything beyond, "Wow." The genius of this date is that

What you do is stand in fear and in numbing wonder until the two of you have to hold each other close to feel anything at all. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Restroom Line

Nobody likes a restroom line, it's true. It's awkward to stand with your legs crossed and your palms squeezed over your zipper, your back hunching rhythmically over your hips, thinking please, please, please open the door. But still, we humans—tribal, all—bond best when there's a common enemy, and the common enemy in a restroom line is nothing less than time itself. Thus, the brilliance of the restroom layout of

Portland's ground zero for rock and rocker hair.

lie at the end of a long, dark, largely sound-insulated hallway that is always full of

It's like that proverbial tunnel to heaven, if heaven is sweet relief. So, about that devastatingly pretty girl or fey indie rocker standing next to you in line? By the time you reach the dirty, dirty restrooms—in the dark, in shared hope, in mutual hatred of time—you'll be downright needing to go in there together and do something awful with each other. And God bless. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Bus for Burners

Who knew the grunge built up on a TriMet bus running down Burnside for 20 years could turn into funk? Portlander

an expired TriMet bus from a friend for a mere cigarette. After he added a

a sound system and a lighting tower, the clunker was transformed into an art piece for Burning Man 2005. Christened the

it now cruises Portland, blasting groovy tunes and hosting dance parties.

The bus hosts a full kitchen with plenty of counter space in the back for DJ equipment, sushi platters or drinks. Need a party bus for a special occasion? If you are truly worthy, the Mobile Groove Bomb may attend your event (you can ask at groovebomb.org). But the Groove Bomb cannot be rented in the usual sense: This rolling dance club is community property. KATIE LITVIN.

Best Anthem

The most memorable moment of

solo show about mental illness and drug abuse,

playing through Aug. 16 at Portland Center Stage, is an uplifting singalong:

a rousing satire of the worst of Lilith Fair and celebration of genitalia of all sorts. The chorus—

—has become the summer's top song among a certain set of locals. It's been sung at the Drammy Awards, at other plays and on the bus. Mayor Sam Adams and radio host Rick Emerson, among others, sing the chorus on the album and in the James Westby-directed video. It's like "We Are the World," if you substitute outsize yoni for the children. Give it a look below:

Or give it a listen. [audio:http://media.wweek.com/attach/2009/07/15/06_8_Miles_Wide.mp3] BEN WATERHOUSE

Best Party Pit

High in the hills of Linnton, just outside Forest Park, is a dirt pit called Fey (myspace.com/feyvenue). The pit is 10 feet deep and was dug over the course of one month by two skinny girls, Tigerlilly Holyoak and Larissa Hammond, using two pickaxes, three shovels, an ax, a hoe, a rake, a wheelbarrow and their hands, feet and teeth. That's a lot of numbers, but they add up to one epic cavernous music hole. For the past year, Fey has hosted heavy-hitting Portland musicians such as Castanets, Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson and Nick Delffs (of the Shaky Hands) to play in its subterranean music abyss, which includes a fire pit for lighting and a drainage system.

Holyoak's background in music engineering and Hammond's experience in architecture and design sparked a vision that the two eventually made a reality. "We put two and two together after commiserating over the lack of intimacy and intention behind most music shows," they write in a joint email statement. "We both just really love music and space." The pit is located in the secluded, densely forested back area of a friend's residential Linnton property. The spot was carefully chosen by Holyoak and Hammond. "We know that building an environment requires an intimate relationship with the land and the people who own it; so until we are able to purchase our own land, it's more about the people," they say. Up to this point, Portlanders have shown mad love for the pit. And the pit has loved us back. That's all the intimacy a venue needs. WHITNEY HAWKE.

Best Late-Night Lengua

It's 3 am Saturday morning, anda menagerie of Portland night owls—drag queens, strippers still in costume, drunken barflies and just-off-duty cops—fill the tables of La Casita del Matador (607 SE Morrison St., 235-8170) as a lone waiter delivers chips and salsa to each. Where else can a hungry clubber get full-service Mexican food until 6 am without risking a DUII? La Casita stays open until dawn Thursday through Saturday, shelling out tasty tortas, enchiladas and burritos wet and dry, including a killer slow-roasted lengua for those adventurous (or drunk) enough to indulge in some tongue alongside a 6-foot-8 femme fatale with a huge Adam's apple. AP KRYZA.

Best Place to Eavesdrop

From its cult-popular ownership (former Mayor Bud Clark) to its cult-famous regular clientele (One-Armed Mike from

), the

is as storied a watering hole as one could wish for. But the best reason to go there is for

much of it documented by the bar itself. The clientele's been coming for 40 years' worth of dumb stories and dirty talk: for example, the guy who's convinced no women are ugly because "he can always drink them pretty"; the bathroom graffiti that once said,

; the old lady who wanted the bar to re-allow smoking because it "covered up the smell from the restrooms"; or the time Neil Goldschmidt, right after his scandal broke, was kicked out not by a bartender but by an overprotective patron. Said patron was later rejoined with, "What are you, the Goose Hollow mole police?" I still have no idea what that means, and I don't care.

MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Permanently Crashed Permanent All-Night Bash

I don't know when it really kicked off. It could have been Potato Champion's all-night party on New Year's Eve 2009. Or it could have been the inexplicable daylong drinking fest at the tent across the parking lot on the first day of that epic blizzard in December. But since at least January,

has been a magnet for every late-night screwball in the neighborhood, from

complete with parking-lot music and occasional disco lights. Buying late-night tacos or crêpes, in a vacant lot, in the dead of winter, had become not a drunken act of desperation, but a cause to celebrate. Well, stop celebrating and get over it, because it's been shut down—officially, anyway. As of June and after a raft of noise complaints, there are no more late-night noise permits, and thus no more legal all-night parties. Still, I doubt the jugglers and funny-hat crowd, much like moles or house mice, will be all that easy to get rid of. Exhibit A for the circus's continuation: the

that appeared on the corner July 4. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Hangover Cure

So it's Sunday morning and you're still feeling the effects of that bachelor party last night. Stop reaching for the Bloody Mary mix and hurry yourself over to

for a tall, cold glass of

a Mexican rice-and-cinnamon drink that will

Most horchatas have a tendency to be watery, grainy or otherwise unappealing, but not here. This sweet, creamy rendition is one of the best we've tried, and certainly better than any horchata this far north has a right to be. Bonus: The chips and pico are pretty good, too. ADRIENNE SO.

Best Vietnamese Karaoke

By day,

is a standard Vietnamese restaurant, serving up pho faves in a cleaner environment than most of the ubiquitous Sandy Boulevard joints; after nightfall Thursday to Sunday, it becomes an

The big, airy space, smelling of soap and egg rolls, boasts large-group seating, two video screens (the better to mimic the artists whose words you sing), a fat disco ball and a light show. The lengthy late-night menu (starting at 9 pm to keep in sync with the karaoke) includes $4 egg rolls and pho from $7.50; liquor starts at $6, and beer, from Tiger to Drop Top Amber, is $3.50. At the back of the karaoke songbook are

: Ricky Martin and S Club 7 and Britney Spears, oh my! CAITLIN MCCARTHY.

WWeek 2015