Skip to main contentHaving held tightly to his misogynistic, homophobic, violence-ridden rants for a half-decade, crap-rapping Eminem is in need of a good, old-fashioned enema.
And, oh, how I'd love to give it to him.
But since I'm sure I'll never have the pleasure of that honor, my dream colon-hydrotherapists for this badass hatemonger would have to be local members of the Lesbian Avengers.
Maybe my wish will come true when our feminist pals (best known for parading down the street topless at the annual Dyke March) throw a guerilla girl-style "Eminem Dyke Look-alike Contest" outside the Rose Garden arena just minutes before tonight's big Eminem show.
And I ask you, who better than a bunch of fun-loving dykes to show the evil Em-word the error of his ways?
Besides, Eminem--né Marshall Bruce (!) Mathers III--already copped his look from the butch girls. The bleached hair, the wife-beater, the tennis visor: It's all very lesbian-chic, circa 1995.
This is going to be the perfect place to flip the bird back at one of the most controversial "artists" ever to hit the music scene (more of a "controversy artist," really--dude, can you rap about anything else?). Eminem is a homey who tells his listeners his rhymes have the power to kill homos ("Criminal" include the lines "That'll stab you in the head whether you're a fag or a lez," and "Hate fags? The answer's yes").
The Anti-Em pre-show had its roots at a Lesbian Avenger ice-cream social. "We want to show Eminem there are better ways to have fun," says 16-year-old college student--and appropriately named Avenger--Emma Rood. "But we also want to separate ourselves from the people who stand around waving signs. That's when we collectively came up the with the look-alike contest."
But don't go to the Rose Garden expecting to see a bunch of avenging Eminem haters. "It's necessary to address the homophobia in his lyrics and the fact that he has never apologized for his misogyny," says Rood, "but a few of us are closet Eminem fans."
And it's the fans who are this contest's true target.
"I know Eminem's show is partly an act, but I also know a lot of high-school guys who are like him--and they're not acting," says Rood.
But with anxious, amped-up concert-goers as their only "audience," don't Rood and her girls expect a volatile clash of cultures?
"We hope to be ironic," said Rood. "But it's going to be very portable, just in case."
And that's good, because when I asked Rood what single thing she'd say to Eminem, she said it would be "Fuck you, you homophobic bigot!" Then she added, "I'd also tell him we're listening to you, and we are not going to take it anymore. I want him to be aware of how his fans beat the shit out of people like me."
Me, too, sister. Me, too.
Slim Shady Ladies
The Lesbian Avengers will host an Eminem look- alike contest/ protest tonight. Bring your own bleached- blond hair.
Rose Quarter, 1401 N Wheeler Ave. For more information call 309-5777. 6 pm Wednesday, Aug. 7
Eminem
Rose Garden Area, 1401 N Wheeler Ave., 321-3211. 6:30 pm Wednesday, Aug. 7. $35-$40 advance (Ticketmaster).
Color Me Queer
Listen to music, eat food and play queerified games at this Sunday in the Park event designed to bring together people of color in the queer community.
Wilshire Park, Northeast 33rd Avenue and Skidmore Street,
1-5 pm Sunday, Aug. 11.
WWeek 2015