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Near where ocean waters cascaded off the earth's edge, old maps had a warning: "Here be dragons." At Portland's old-time Hal's Tavern, you might have needed the same heads-up; the bar was always full of grizzled men who woke to boozy tumblers that dragged them to the depths. At There Be Monsters (1308 SE Morrison St., 971-319-6983, tbmpdx.com), there are no monsters, and the seas are all well-charted, lit by Edison bulbs and a kitschy glowing mustache propped behind the bar.
In spirit, the navigation-themed bar where Hal's once was is less a pirate voyage than a convivial, midpriced Portland cruise. The rehabbed dive has intentional rough edges—an unfinished wall, a patio like a storage locker—but the sturdy old-time cocktails are $9, and the taps include a terrific barrel-aged cider from Carlton. The food is whatever you might find on a British ship—whether shepherd's pie or salmagundi—with the guy in the galley free to whip up occasional ambitious specials like chanterelle-topped flank steak with Brussels sprouts. (Avoid the weirdly Mexican-tinged tikka masala bowl.)
Still, whatever the colonial theme, the real piece of history is the midcentury shuffleboard table, which the bar inherited from Hal's. I've seen it used precisely zero times during a number of visits, but multiple customers have bragged across the bar about their boarding prowess, telling it like an old fish tale—something from times long gone, when there were things to fear on Southeast Morrison.
WWeek 2015