Skip to main contentLeaky Roof
It's got every kind of Irish whiskey Oregon can get its hands on, and the Roof's helpful-but-not-intrusive owner, Séamus Blaney, is quite happy to tell you all about them.
Even if the Portland rains start a-pourin' down and make this Goose Hollow joint live up to its name, you'd be well advised to put a bucket on your table (or head) and carry on, 'cause this is as cozy as cozy gets. Warm lighting and the scrumptious smell of fish and chips (made with wild-caught salmon or halibut) make the mainly green- and wood-toned pub-style room all the more welcoming, and the servers seem genuinely happy to see you. The Roof prides itself on its menu—which features organic produce and hormone- and antibiotic-free meats—but it's this tiny spot's personality that makes it such a charming keeper. FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, SMOKE-FREE, LIVE MUSIC, FIREPLACE. (AGM)
Life of Riley
The absurdly long shuffleboard table.
As Portland watering holes go, the Pearl District's Life of Riley is pretty average, but the fact that its smoke-filled, clubhouse-style basement bar makes you forget you're in the Pearl is anything but. While the more food-centric upstairs (try the calamari) features dark leather booths, hardwood floors and subdued colors, the downstairs area would be just as comfortable nestled between Angelo's and the Watertrough or on Northeast Alberta. You are still in the Pearl, though—micro pints run $4. GAMES, SMOKING LOUNGE, VIDEO POKER, HAPPY HOUR. (AGM)
Limelight
"I make a really good Cosmo; I just like to learn different drinks."
The Limelight is one half restaurant, one half barroom, and the two are pretty well separated. The barroom is darkly painted but well lit and cozy; you can still look your companions in the eyes. The eats are family-restaurant food, leaning toward the grill and fryer, perfect for soaking up some of that alcohol. A basic cavelike bar, but suitable enough for a group of friends to get their drink on before actually going somewhere. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, OUTDOOR SEATING, TV, JUKEBOX. (JL)
Lotus Card Room
Chocolate Martini ($8).
The Lotus Card Room has a split personality. By day, it's an old-fashioned pub where suits go to chow on good burgers or get a li'l tipsy after a tough day at the firm. By night, the Lotus is a destination for the randy, white-hat-clad, bridge-and-tunnel crowd, hoping the trek from the 'burbs will pay off in body shots. Gold and purple beads hanging behind the bar are a reminder that Mardi Gras lasts all year—exposed boobies might be only a tequila shot away. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, VIDEO POKER, GAMES, OUTDOOR SEATING, TV. (MT)
Low Brow Lounge
"Don't throw tater tots. But if you print that, it will probably happen more."
Doing its best to earn its name, the Low Brow is the lone spot in the Pearl District where you can encounter a neon-lit velvet Elvis. Music is deafening and the patrons are a reliable collection of fratholes, but the $3.50 vodka cranberry—the most popular drink here—is strong enough to make you forget the shortcomings and enjoy the eclectic touches: a full wall of anti-Bush agitprop, and a table short enough to accommodate the children you should never bring here. Just watch for flying tater tots. HAPPY HOUR, OUTDOOR SEATING, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, MOVIES/TV. (AWM)
Lucky Labrador Brew Pub
Super Dog Pale Ale ($3.99).
This converted warehouse is a great place to stop in after work for a beer or to spend a leisurely weekend afternoon on the covered back patio with Fido and Fifi (yup, it's dog-friendly). Imagine a European beer hall, complete with dart boards and long tables, only really, really clean. Sandwiches ($3.50-$6) are great, but avoid the hummus plate—some things just shouldn't taste like peanut butter. Minors allowed until 9 pm. Also check it its new Northwest and old Multnomah Village locations. SMOKE-FREE, OUTDOOR SEATING, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, HAPPY HOUR, GAMES. (DW)
The Lutz Tavern
Why sit in a bar when you can get a keg to go?
It doesn't get more laid-back than the Lutz. This local Reedie dive boasts a relaxed '70s atmosphere that aptly echoes its Woodstock neighborhood's namesake. But before you get comfy in those vintage vinyl chairs, be sure to stop at the ATM across the street—the joint is cash-only. DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, JUKEBOX, VIDEO POKER, TV. (JB)
MacTarnahan's Taproom
A peanut-butter, banana and honey sandwich takes away the pain the morning after.
If you ever find yourself aimlessly wandering through the wasteland of the Northwest industrial district, stop by this plain but approachable oasis for some decent pints and Scottish charm. Take your pick of 12 brews on tap and munch on some freakishly large portions of garlic-rosemary fries ($3.95) or Scottish pie ($8.95). You'll get a big gut hanging around here too much, but are you surprised? Expect a suit-wearing or frat-inclining clientele. OUTDOOR SEATING, WI-FI, HAPPY HOUR. (WC)
Madison's Bar & Grill
He was too busy counting his tips to acknowledge us.
Probably best to have a seat at one of the tables and get helped by any of the lovely waitstaff at this bi-level, hotel-bar-esque watering hole. At the bar we had more meaningful interactions with our bowls of soup than with our bartenders. The strong on-tap selection made up for it, though—that and the saloonlike doors that lead the way to the video poker. HAPPY HOUR, SMOKE-FREE, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, VIDEO POKER, TV, OUTDOOR SEATING, GAMES. (CM)
Magic Gardens
The most popular drink that accompanies naked girls? Vodka tonic.
"This is the first titty bar I ever went to!" roared a recent Friday-night patron. "I was, like, 13." He must have received quite the education, much of it musical: This red-lit, cozy strip joint stands apart for the quality of its tunes. Nowhere else will you find a dancer gyrating to Ryan Adams'
. Add $4 glasses of Sutter Home wine and you've got one classy nude revue. STRIPPERS, POOL, VIDEO POKER, JUKEBOX. (AWM)
Maiden in the Mist
From 4 to 7 pm Thursdays, you can get your palm read by an authentic gypsy. She should tell you to try the chicken noodle soup ($3).
This is a cozy, albeit nondescript, corner bar recently revamped (get this) into "a Mediterranean waterfront tavern." Not as goofy as it might sound—apparently that translates here into hanging mermaids on the walls and giving the cocktails ($6.50) names like Trim the Winch (rum, mint, lime and blackberry puree, $7). If you're not in the mood for fancy sea-dog drinks, the Laurelwood Free Range Red ($3.50 a pint) flows, well, freely. FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, HAPPY HOUR, OUTDOOR SEATING, SMOKE-FREE. (AWM)
Mary's Club
Server to stripper: "I'm not going to eat your quesadilla."
The grandmama of Portland strip clubs—open every day since 1954 on one of the scariest corners left on West Burnside Street—is neither particularly creepy nor especially dirty. Nah, as a matter of fact, this tiny, legendary joint is downright homey. If, y'know, your home has a brass pole, a jukebox heavy on Van Morrison, and a giant nautical mural. One of these days some collector is inevitably going to buy the whole joint for a museum of Portland history, so get your jollies in while you can. Cover Fridays-Saturdays ($2). STRIPPERS, VIDEO POKER, GAMES, HAPPY HOUR. (BW)
Mash Tun
Make your first beer a homebrew—the in-house ($4 on a regular night) suds here could rock most anything else in town.
Aside from Last Thursday, when the crowd turns to Pearl District/suburban imports, this is a proper little neighborhood joint, serving up better-than-average pub food and boasting a small line of homemade microbrews (we recommend the Razorback Red). While it does have that "new Alberta" vibe (clean, good artwork, white), it still keeps it more real and laid-back than most places popping up around it. This is more a place to get buzzed on the large patio for a few hours than sip an overpriced drink after an overpriced dinner down the street. DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, TV, JUKEBOX, WI-FI. (MB)
Matador
A room divider filled with bottom-lit,
-esque snake plants adds a hip charm.
Despite a new sign and some fancy, matador-related neon lights gracing the classic, blacked-out windows, the new owners of this favorite P-town dive have changed things only subtly—and for the better. Freshly painted, deep-red walls are noticeable only after your eyes adjust to the dim light of new, slightly swanky fixtures. It's still dark and smoky, the tunes are still good, and the elder bartendress who seems a permanent fixture still pours your drinks. Let's hear it for consistency! HAPPY HOUR, DRINK SPECIALS, DJs, VIDEO POKER, TV, JUKEBOX, GAMES. (AGM)
Mock Crest Tavern
Full-house shows by Sneakin' Out.
"The home of North Portland Blues" really is a "home." Out in the beer garden, you'll find yourself able to wave to the neighbors as they mow their lawns. There's live blues five nights a week in a 4-foot space by the door, and Sneakin' Out makes capacity regularly. The egg sandwich ($5.45) and blue-cheese "bluesburger" are delicious and cooked up right in front of you. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, LIVE MUSIC, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, TV, OPEN MIC, WI-FI. (JS)
Moloko Plus
Chèvre sandwich!
As you may have figured from its name, this narrow storefront bar is a takeoff of
's Korova Milk Bar (Moloko Plus is the LSD-laced milk served in the movie). Like the Milk Bar, Moloko is shimmering, stark white and over-designed with fishbowls laid into the walls. While the joint still seems out of place (and spendy, with a $4 minimum for cocktails), it manages to bring in a few grubsters with the pretty people. SMOKE-FREE, OUTDOOR SEATING, HAPPY HOUR, DJs, TV, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS. (MB)
MoMo
If you're sitting inside on a clear night, you're a moron.
Step into the back garden of this otherwise undistinguished establishment and you won't believe you're downtown. A quaint grotto, complete with a rock garden, latticework and picnic tables, provides the perfect spot to watch the sunset without leaving the shade of office towers. Happy-hour beers ($2) make the glow even rosier. HAPPY HOUR, OUTDOOR SEATING, DJs, GAMES, TV, JUKEBOX. (AWM)
Moon and Sixpence
Your only taste of a thick Irish accent at this U.K.-inspired pub will come in the form of your bartender's top brew—a dark, thick Guinness.
If you're one who loves to chow and guzzle amid a nicotine haze, Moon and Sixpence will be quick to strike your fancy. Hibernate in a booth seat and soak up the dark wood decor, an "everyone knows your name" atmosphere and the laundry list of draft and imported beers, liquors and microbrews, plus some cold-weather pick-me-ups (the Stumptown Special, $6, boasts a rich mix of vodka infused with the famed roasted beans, then whipped with crème de cacao). Live music sets Sunday-Tuesday only add to the mellow pub vibe. DRINK SPECIALS, LIVE MUSIC, OUTDOOR SEATING. (EB)
Muu-Muu's
Patrons and staff confront several vexing questions daily. Did Mrs. Roper wear underpants beneath her muu-muu? And when will it be acceptable for the rest of us to wear the frocks 24/7?
Muu-Muu's celebrates its 10th anniversary this year, and, quite remarkably, several of the waiters have been working at the Northwest 21st Avenue establishment for nearly as long. But don't expect them to explain why the owner chose to hang an arty mobile made with crutches from the ceiling. On the other hand, you can expect a sweet and sassy Ginger Drop ($7) and reasonably strong well drinks ($2.50 during happy hour, weekdays between 3 and 6 pm). HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, TV, SMOKE-FREE (UNTIL 9 PM), OUTDOOR SEATING. (BS)
My Father's Place
Drink specials err on the side of windshield-wiper fluid, like the Desert Sunrise ($4), a tequila sunrise that replaces grenadine with blue Curaçao. Bartender sez, "Sounds gross to me."
Some things never change. Among them this sticky dive. Like Barracuda (the island-themed dance club on 2nd Avenue, just north of Burnside Street), but for punks and other nightlife creatures, the scene gets livelier with the approach of last (booty) call. If you haven't had enough deep-fried starch, cheap booze and cigarette smoke by then, come back in the morning for bloody Marys ($3.25) and huge, greasy hangover breakfasts. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, TV, JUKEBOX. (SC)
The Nest
Bartender's choice: Favorite drink has to be the Dirty Shirley—7-Up, grenadine and vodka makes an alcoholic Shirley Temple.
The Nest has been the victim of several eggings—that's right, raw eggs thrown into the bar. When it took over Joe's Place—the last black-owned bar on Alberta—the Nest became a symbol of gentrification and a scapegoat for angry locals. Smoky and crowded at night, the Nest is not the place for a laid-back pitcher. But with stiff drinks, a rowdy mix of hipsters and old Joe's Place regulars, and a raucous jukebox, it can be just right for a good, wild drunk. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, GAMES, OUTDOOR SEATING, JUKEBOX, DJs, LIVE MUSIC, OPEN MIC. (ES)
New Old Lompoc Pub and Brewery
Befitting the hardiness of her native Australia, our bartender's advice for a hangover: "hair of the dog" (it's even lovelier when you say it with an Aussie accent), as in a Bloody Mary.
Disclosure: This pub along ultra-trendy 23rd Avenue is a
hangout, being that it's but a short stagger from our (feel free to say this with tongue fully implanted in cheek) ultra-trendy office. But there's a good reason it's a hangout. The ales and lagers are tasty, and affordable at $12 a pitcher. Try the Proletariat Red if you need to ease your Soviet-style working-class misery, or the Centennial IPA if you're feeling more kinship with the British Empire's ruling class. The American bar food ain't bad either; the fried calamari ($7.75) and Lompoc burger ($6.75) are suitably succulent and alcohol-absorbent. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, TV, VIDEO POKER. (HS)
Night Light Lounge
Ninkasi on draft.
The aftershavey hope of Night Light on a weeknight happy-hour doesn't disappoint. Noir evening light filters through the west-facing windows. Tea lights on the bar give flawless skin. The back room's comfy couches solicit stretching. Whether you're there to get picked up or just pick up your dirty martini, Night Light comes through with a snazzy outdoor area, comfy seating and even a photo of a kitten behind the bar. We heart. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, GAMES, JUKEBOX, LIVE MUSIC, DJs. (CM)
9 Muses Acoustic Tavern
Twice-yearly "pick-off" with a $1,000 prize to the winners.
This converted house is like a labyrinth: The bar is in the first, coffeeshop-looking room; downstairs, there's a venue-type area nicely set up for music of the singer-songwriter sort. Upstairs, there are two more rooms: One features a window into the venue and sweet little foosball table; the other feels like a college dude's basement with a crappy couch, icky carpet, board games and
pinball. OPEN MIC, LIVE MUSIC, GAMES, TV, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS. (AGM)
Noir
"How much money do you want to spend?"
Why didn't they call it Rouge? This half-aboveground, half-underground den is very, very red. Upstairs is a formal dining area with huge red paintings and crimson-covered pool tables. Downstairs are nooks and crannies and a red-walled dance club featuring goth-leaning DJs most nights. There's a dance floor, but it's also a comfortable place to hang out at the bar and chat with the lovely bartenders. Saturday's "Dementia" goth-industrial dance nights are huge, with a rotating DJ roster. FOOD SPECIALS, GAMES, DJs, QUEER NIGHTS. (BO)
Olive or Twist
Hendrix Gin Martini.
It seems these days like every city has a martini bar called something akin to Olive or Twist, and Portland finds its own in the Pearl's north end. This low-key neighborhood haunt thrives on the down-low and is a good spot for quiet sipping. As the masses go crazy over vodka, Olive or Twist emphasizes gin-fueled libations with great gimlets ($8) and dirty martinis ($8). Give the Marionberry Cosmo ($8.50) a chance—it could make an honest man of Washington, D.C.'s former crack-smoking mayor. DRINK SPECIALS, SMOKE-FREE. (MT)
Outlaws/Aces High
Get your gal wasted on Thursday nights—she's in for free before 11 pm, and ladies' drinks are a buck (wells) all night.
Outlaws tried a character shift last December, dropping the urban-cowboy emphasis (though the enormous glittering cowboy hat still twirls from the ceiling) and playing up the venue aspect, keeping the joint full with everything from generally bad hip-hop to generally bad punk. Upstairs from the spacious main room is a little strip club known as Aces High, where, to the din of astonishingly loud music, you can watch dancers while you keep an eye on the action in the main room through overlooking windows. A fun game at Outlaws is to try and find the one line of sight that won't lead to a Camel logo. DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, TV, LIVE MUSIC, DJs, STRIPPERS. (MPB)
Paddy's Bar & Grill
"We were one of the first places to find a Lemon Drop, says the manager. "We serve 'em in a big martini glass—that's another thing we started downtown."
Irish, smirish. Sure, everybody knows this is the place to flock to when you want to get your Éire on, and it doesn't hurt that they have a countdown clock until the next St. Paddy's Day. But did you know this comfy/cushy/cozy bar bears a wall of nearly 500 spirits that go way beyond your basic Irish whiskey, and a menu that's more than just Mulligatawny stew ($3.50-$4.50) and meatloaf ($9)? Tempura corn dogs ($8), oyster po' boys ($11) and Moroccan roasted chicken ($12) are just a few of the non-Irish delights you'll find here, along with Pink Martini's frontman, Thomas Lauderdale, who zooms into this joint for an occasional late-night bite. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, TV, VIDEO POKER, OUTDOOR SEATING, WI-FI. (BB)
Paragon Club
"My favorite drink? Probably the Carrie Bomb. I can't tell you what's in it—it's a secret."
Believe us when we tell you that the Paragon Club is Portland's well-disguised Cheers. Don't let the plain façade and the caged security entrance fool you. Yes, you have to be buzzed in, but the fact of the matter is this bar is one of the friendliest joints in town. The bartenders greet patrons with a variety of pet names and regulars are like family. Paragon is a true neighborhood haunt that frankly deserves to be immortalized in a television series. The customer base is incredibly diverse: They serve skanks and skeezeballs next to punks, preppies and octogenarians. This Paragon (not to be confused with the one in the Pearl) is just a darn friendly place; a refreshing change of pace from some other, more exclusive clubs. LIVE MUSIC, QUEER NIGHTS, KARAOKE, GAMES, VIDEO POKER. (LS)
Pi-Rem
Not to bounce the guy who stripped and danced on the speakers. His body, his choice.
A chilled-out basement lounge with comfy couches and excellent DJs, Pi-rem caters to an eclectic mix of hipsters, ass-shakers, goths and casual drunks. Low lighting and separate rooms partitioned with flowing curtains give the place a harem atmosphere, and the music is all electronica. Look elsewhere for the hard stuff: They serve beer, wine and sake only. Locate the club by the mathematical pi symbol on the sign. DJs, LIVE MUSIC. (JP)
Pink Feather
A mean margarita made with fresh lime and the mysterious "Maggie's touch."
Bartender Maggie is one of the coolest ladies you'll ever meet, and she's totally not down with beer taxes or the smoking ban. She recommends the food at the Pink, especially the Broasted Chicken ($9.25), and she actually laughed when We said we were traveling with a vegetarian. Check it out for super-nice, quick service, a chill boothy lounge and the hottest ladies east of 139th Street. HAPPY HOUR, FIREPLACE, SMOKING LOUNGE, VIDEO POKER, JUKEBOX, KARAOKE. (KS)
Pirate's Cove
Not playing nice with reporter—big, hairy, frightening man would not answer our questions.
The Jug, despite its current name, will always be the Jug. Originally built to serve the nascent automobile commuter, the vaguely phallic and sorta breastlike building survives as the neighborhood strip club. By the way, the only thing "pirate" is the bartender, and that's only because of his Captain Hook mustache. Come Mondays for Goth naked women, Tuesdays for '80s retro naked women and Wednesdays for anime naked women. HAPPY HOUR, VIDEO POKER, TV, DJs, STRIPPERS. (ND)
Pour
The Marietta Angeli Cuveé ($9).
If Austin Powers and Moby joined forces to open a wine bar, this would be it. Mod white chairs, small tables, minimalist decor and soft electronica playing as you pore over wines by the glass—red, white, bubbles and port ($6-$15)—and nibble on some easily made goodies like panini ($5-$8) and a beet salad ($7). Indulge in a bottle for optimum mojo—Oregon Pinot, California Cabs and Zins, French & Italian reds. Yeah, baby, yeah. HAPPY HOUR, SMOKE-FREE, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING. (CM)
Press Club
"Feel like crêpe tonight?"
The Press Club helps you gain back those lost brain cells. This erudite yet welcoming cafe and bar offers periodicals from all over the world, as well as monthly art shows and esoteric movie nights. Bottled beers ($3.50-$7) range from Stella Artois to fruity Lambics, and the Press Club offers wines by the glass ($5-$11) as well as the bottle, most in the $30 range. Add a selection of delicious sandwiches, salads and crepes, not to mention wi-fi, and you'll never have any reason to leave. We're typing this from the Press Club now, actually. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, MOVIES, WI-FI. (CM)
Produce Row
Delicious draft Newcastle ($4.50).
Enjoy many, many beers on tap, live music and a patio that will remind you of late nights in Chicago. The onion rings are fantastic, but the best thing about this spot is its mellow vibe and hidden location, so, like, meet your lover there if you're having an affair. OUTDOOR SEATING, HAPPY HOUR, LIVE MUSIC, GAMES, TV. (KS)
The Pub at the End of the Universe
The nice bartender waters the bamboo plants with inspiring alacrity.
Levels. Lots of different levels here. If you want to pretend you're in the coolest basement rec room ever, come to the PATEOTU and play some good-time games. But don't drop anything—the shaggy carpet shows no sign of allowing a hygienic recovery. The hippie chic and proximity to Reed might scare some away, but have no fear, drinkers of every stripe get messed at this universally accepting pub. Beer and wine but, alas, no spirits. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, TV, JUKEBOX. (ND)
Red Room
Providing (and playing)
on a big-screen TV—for free, all the time.
The Red Room's motto is "Don't fear the 82nd," and—if you're a Pabst- and rock-loving Portlander worth your hoodie—you might wanna heed that advice. Though its facade vaguely implies strip club, this red- and black-clad quasi-dive is actually one of Portland's most promising (if outskirt-dwelling) live music venues. Owners Jeremy and Tina Judy host everything from punk and metal acts to singer-songwriters and Guitar Hero tourneys, bringing a welcome dose of culture to Portland's most reviled avenue. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, LIVE MUSIC, TV. (AGM)
Ringlers Annex
A good screwdriver guarantees your hangover will disappear, but you may become an alcoholic.
This tiniest of McMenamins' joints sulks in the basement and mezzanine of a 1917 Flatironlike building on a West Burnside corner. It really does look like what the staff call a French Resistance hideout. The usual delicious McMenamins microbrews are on tap ($3.75 a pint) with some bottled beer and a few wine options. You'll find a decent margarita ($6.25) with Sauza, triple sec and fresh lime, and some cheap but tasty panini to soak up what you pour down. A mixed crowd uses this base for either getting started or capping off the night's mission. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, WI-FI, DJs, OUTDOOR SEATING. (WC)
A Roadside Attraction
It's all about the kebabs, baby.
A hodgepodge of artifacts decorate this surprisingly cool, eclectic pack-rat garden bar that could easily be in either Central Oregon or on Mars. We realize this is sort of an underhanded compliment, but truthfully, this place is great. The people are great. The food is great. The trippy red interior is great. Also, $4 call drinks are AWESOME! OUTDOOR SEATING, HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, JUKEBOX, LIVE MUSIC. (KS)
Rogue Public House
The most beloved Brutal Bitter beer ($5).
On a visit to the public house you may faintly hear music or the buzz of a television. Single men line the bar, reading newspapers and talking on their cell phones in post-work repose. Board games and family reunions seem to be the preoccupation of those who aren't staring off into space. Yet, despite a lackluster atmosphere, creativity in the drinks—such as the Juniper Pale Ale ($4.50), which provides a light romp for your taste buds—keeps this establishment afloat. Along with the overwhelming menu of boozy possibilities, servers deliver a complimentary tasting in a generous shot glass. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, VIDEO POKER, OUTDOOR SEATING. (AS)
Rontoms
Indio Marionberry Vodka Soda ($5.50).
This new accomplice in the ongoing gentrification of lower East Burnside has a lot going for it: lots of seating, a 20-foot ceiling held up by the kind of beams you just don't see anymore, good music, hot bar boys, and the best gin and tonic in town. Toss in a friendly garage vibe, monthly tango nights, and B movies every other Sunday, and you've got an excellent alternative to the high-strung hipness of the Doug Fir. Whether you're tossing back $3 pints of Miller High Life or $7 manhattans, you're sure to be welcome here. SMOKE-FREE, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING. (BW)
Safari Show Club
A waitress, who chooses to remain unnamed, told us a tale of a club manager who dumped a handful of mice (just because?) into one of their three wicked-creepy piranha tanks, and one escaped. A "PETA girl" bartender swatted it to safety, only to have the manager squish it into the carpet as it rushed toward freedom. YIKES.
This jungle-themed strip club is more a place to be seen than to see, as evidenced by the almost uniformly empty rails and full, chatty tables. Drinks are ridiculously expensive, even for a strip club (a bottle of Heineken goes for $5)—add the cover and it's hard to make a case for Safari. Except for Wednesdays, that is, when they break out the hot tub for "slippery time." DJs, STRIPPERS, VIDEO POKER. (MPB)
The Sandy Hut
The Duck Fart ($6.50), bartender Jess' mix of Crown Royal with a cloud of Bailey's and Kahlua, which "looks like a duck farted in it."
Sandy's most beloved hipster dive is notorious for stiff drinks, rowdy nights and one-night stands. And it's damn proud. Hell, they even sell pink thongs with "Handy Slut" printed on the crotch ($12). Everything you've heard about the Hut is true: It's smoky, it's packed, the bartenders are sexy and friendly, the patrons are randy and the drinks could start a fire. Handy Slut kicks ass. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, TV, JUKEBOX. (APK)
Sassy's
What drink goes best with the boobies? A barrel-sized can of Schlitz malt liquor.
If Magic Gardens is the Pabst of Portland strip clubs, then Sassy's is the Heineken. It still ain't microbrew, but the inner-eastside joint's got some class, from red-cushioned private rooms to a respectful clientele—excepting, of course, the occasional sleaze masturbating at the rail (according to one of the club's DJs)—including hipster runoff from neighboring Holocene, Pearl District folks and a not-surprising number of suburban strip-club newbies (they're the ones giggling). Oh, and if you don't feel like dropping your dollars for the dancers, there's a pair of pool tables in an adjoining room. But, really, that's just lame. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, DJs, VIDEO POKER, STRIPPERS, GAMES. (MPB)
Satyricon
He didn't talk much and wore a black faux-fur coat and a 5 am shadow.
This alternative rock club returned last year after a long hiatus. One side of the venue is all-ages (that's where the shows are) and the other side is for drinkers. The exposed-brick interior walls and comfy, sparkly booths make it a good place to smoke—watch your smoke rings (if you can blow them) rise to the top of this dark (and fairly empty) space and remember the good old days when this place really rocked. Bottles of PBR ($2) and cans of Sparks ($4) will get you ready for the hardcore punk next door. LIVE MUSIC, HAPPY HOUR, DJs, GAMES. (BC)
Scandals
Cosmos. When the guys aren't drinking beer, they are drinking Cosmos.
This gay bar represents the comings and goings of Southwest Stark Street better than anything else on this boulevard of bent dreams does or could. That's because this true survivor of the culture wars that seem to be squeezing all the other queer joints out of this part of town keeps things honest and old-school. Don't expect lots of froufrou cocktails or weird-ass concoctions from the kitchen. Just plop your ass into one of the comfy viewing points around the bar or pool table, invite a few friends over and start rating the passing parade of freaks who stroll up and down the street all night long. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, TV, DJs, VIDEO POKER, OUTDOOR SEATING, WI-FI, QUEER. (BB)
Shanghai Steakery
Go easy on the $2 wells, or they'll be carting you out in a wheelbarrow.
We have absolutely no idea how this super-mega-divey Northwest Broadway staple stays in business other, than they have tasty fries, hot gay guys and, oh yeah, an all-day happy hour (7 am-8 pm)! This bar is not for the weak. But they have a pool table, a few janky tables and tons of crazies. Check out the infamous Club I.T., "Portland's most unpretentious dance party," held the first Friday of every month, if you dare. If you're hardcore, though, you'll love it. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, DRAG, QUEER, DJs, SMOKING LOUNGE. (KS)
Shanghai Tunnel
"Birthdays. People coming down and asking for free shots on their birthdays. If you're 36, you know the deal."
Addictive noodle bowls accompany cheap drinks in the city's most laid-back basement. It's packed to the verge of obnoxiousness on weekends, but the perfect hideaway on a Wednesday night. And if you climb up to street level, you'll often find a kung-fu movie projected on the wall. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, GAMES, VIDEO POKER. (AWM)
Side Door
Spire hard cider and homemade cookies.
Large windows, exposed brick, full espresso menu, Tazo teas and free wi-fi give the small-but-cozy room more of a coffee-shop than bar vibe. Think of the J&M Cafe, plus lots of beer and a little wine...and pinball machines and a sweet jukebox. The atypical bar menu includes granola, housemade pastries, sandwiches (the "Stark Dip" adds Swiss cheese, caramelized onions and horseradish aioli to the old standby, $6.50) and daily rotating pasta specials. An ideal rendezvous for mixed groups of drinkers and nondrinkers—everyone fits in here. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, JUKEBOX, WI-FI. (JLM)
Slabtown
While you'll no longer catch members of the Dandy Warhols milling about Slabtown, the bartender insists that the chill, hang-out atmosphere, live music sets and trove of games make for a breeding ground of up-and-coming local bands.
The ideal dive bar to just marinate in, this sleepy, Northwest-industrial neighborhood hideaway also is a funhouse of pool tables, video games, big-screen TVs, brats and beer. A ruckus of rock 'n' roll and thick smoke linger overhead, but this local's hangout still feels airy and spacious. Double-fist a fried egg sandwich ($3.50) and a nice cold one ($3) for some mindless quiet time. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, GAMES, TV/MOVIES, LIVE MUSIC, JUKEBOX. (EB)
Slingshot Lounge
Featuring fresh juices and Emergen-C, the Guns 'n' Ammo cocktail is the best hangover cure in town (imbiber beware: Too many may cause an inconvenient side-effect known as "sting ring").
Don't let the gun store across the street fool you; the Slingshot Lounge is a surprisingly chic and winsome watering hole. Featuring eclectic brews like dunkelweizens and Lindemans Framboise, this "it's perpetually happy hour" hideaway proves there's nothing to fear in FoPo. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, JUKEBOX. (JB)
Slow Bar
Cocktails garnished and mixed with blood oranges (when in season); try a Campari and soda ($5.50) with a squeeze of that wicked little fruit.
With red vinyl booths, a slick-but-not-too-slick bar setup, flat-screen TVs and a punk-centric juke, Slow Bar is pretty much the embodiment of what you wished you were like in high school—and the cool kids (read: bartenders) are even nice to you! Add the most indescribably delicious burger in town—the Slowburger ($9) doesn't seem especially innovative with its onion rings, Gruyère, caramelized onions, bacon, et al., but it's downright heavenly—and you've found bar nirvana. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, VIDEO POKER, TV, JUKEBOX, WI-FI. (AGM)
SoLo Bar Experience
Anything infused. Or vodka and soda with cranberry for the "well types."
SoLo is the trendiest bar ever to spoon an Office Max. Expect a posh and extremely haute crowd and an awesome trio of wimpy burgers ($8). As the bartender said, their infused drinks, including the Red Snapper (pepper-infused Crater Lake vodka and herbal Bloody Mary mix), are what to order. They're a kick in the Christian Dior snakeskin pants. TV, OUTDOOR SEATING, SMOKE-FREE, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, HAPPY HOUR. (BC)
Someday Lounge
Friendly doesn't begin to describe the lads and ladies behind the Someday bar, who went out of their way to find a much-desired soy ice-cream bar for a writer in need of a nosh.
Portland's schizo-hot live-arts venue and bar, where you run the risk of walking in on anything from a raucous opera cabaret revue-sical to a stony-silence poetry reading. Cocktails are inventive and potent; a highlight is the Brecht ($8), laced with Harlequin orange liqueur. A nicely varied, friendly priced vegetarian and vegan menu is another bonus. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING/PATIO, TV/MOVIES, DJs, LIVE MUSIC, SMOKE-FREE, WI-FI, OPEN MIC. (SMB)
Suki's Restaurant & Lounge
Where the regulars rule, so does the Pink Chantelle ($6). The cocktail, made with Stoli Razberi, Absolut Mandrin, pineapple, OJ and grenadine, is named after a customer who prefers her drinks on the froufrou side. "When she wears green, we substitute Midori."
Situated under a Travelodge, Suki's resembles a forgotten Vegas lounge with its smoky haze, cherry-glittered walls and lipstick-red bar. But thankfully, Mr. Newton won't be taking the room's center stage anytime soon. Instead, after-work crews re-create goofy '80s hits, and edgier
hopefuls belt out power ballads at the bar's neverending karaoke showdown. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, COMEDY, JUKEBOX, KARAOKE. (JM)
The Slammer
Bitters and ginger for her hangover; kisses from her bearded boyfriend when she thinks this undercover reporter is flirting with her when he's actually trying to mine her for precious information.
The tumorous haunted house growing off the back of the Slammer is only for storage. Too bad; the horseshoe bar allows little room for all the smoking, bike-riding, mustachioed hipsters that drink here, especially when there's live music. Open up the tumor and liberate the Slammer! HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, VIDEO POKER, TV, JUKEBOX, LIVE MUSIC. (ND)
Space Room
The Purple Alien ($6.75)—Three Olives vodka, Welch's grape juice, and...well, you'll just have to try it.
If you don't believe in time travel, you've never been to the Space Room. Upon opening the door, visitors find themselves instantly whisked back to a time when "Space Age" meant flying-saucer light fixtures, black lights and Technicolor cocktails. (We're thinking 1973.) Everything from the tables, chairs and wallpaper to the jukebox appears untouched by the evolutionary aesthetic of time, and, judging from the packed tables of hipsters and old-timers alike, that's just how Southeast likes it. FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, JUKEBOX, VIDEO POKER. (KH)
Spare Room
"My hangover cure? You mean
? Probably a beer. Just one, though—otherwise you'll be bingeing and that's bad."
The Spare Room is the perfect post-breakup hangout. It's dark (typical wood paneling dotted by random posters), fairly isolated and smoky as hell. Losers at love definitely will not run into their exes at this bar. Instead, they'll be greeted by burning tobacco, piano karaoke and the lively sights and sounds of senior citizens rocking the video poker (is it just us, or does that Oregon Lottery logo feel depressing?). Extraordinarily cheap drinks—especially on Ladies' Night—are just a bonus. We're talking $1.50 Pabsts here, ladies. The Spare Room is the good kind of sleazy, the equivalent of a friendly whore's privates, if you will: A warm, safe place in which to drown your sorrows like there's no tomorrow. VIDEO POKER, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, LIVE MUSIC, HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, DANCE LESSONS. (LS)
Thatch Tiki Bar
"I'm a single-malt scotch man myself. But the favorite here is the Donkey Punch. I didn't come up with that name; the owner did."
PDX tiki bars are quickly becoming a thing of the past. Way back when, there was Trader Vic's—but that old Benson Hotel haunt is long gone. Then, last year, the Jasmine Tree closed. Thank God we still have the Alibi and—since the beginning of the year—Thatch (named, of course, for the thatched roofs that tiki bars are known for). Don't get us wrong: It's indoors, but there's still a faux thatched roof. Which works. In fact, it's working very well: The space is small but is usually packed to the gills of Thatch's hanging blowfish lamps. Maybe it's because of a Long Island iced tea-esque drink named the Donkey Punch (FYI: The owner claims he didn't know it was slang for a vile sex act...riiight). We're still holding out for a drink like the Dirty Sanchez or Cleveland Steamer to rock the menu. It's doubtful, but we can hope. SMOKE-FREE, HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS. (LS)
Thirsty Lion
Scotch eggs—hardboiled, wrapped in sausage and fried.
Yes, it's pretty much a fake English pub, and it's run by Concept Entertainment, but, honestly, this place is pretty harmless. They've got beer, decent happy-hour specials (two mini-burgers for $3.95) and the dark, wooden accents you expect from an English pub. If you're downtown and craving a beer, this isn't such a bad spot. And for afternoon drinking on a nice spring day, the tall windows and open-air room are just the ticket. WI-FI, VIDEO POKER, HAPPY HOUR, SMOKE-FREE (till 9 pm), OUTDOOR SEATING. (AGM)
Thunder Ranch
"So I didn't get up and dance on the fucking bar. I still made money for this place collecting [table] bills."
Disneyland's Country Bear Jamboree really should have featured PG-13 strippers. Luckily, its spiritual twin, Milwaukie's "Western rock 'n' roll" Thunder Ranch Saloon, does—friendly "ranch hands" dressed in chaps and Victoria's Secret stretch-lace tangas. A massive space festooned with hanging Harley motorcycles, haybales, strobe lights, young 10-gallon-hatted urban cowboys and weathered divorcées, the bar is fueled by admirably stiff Jack-and-cokes ($4.25) and rides on its mechanical bull ($3). The lithe ranch hands also perform
-style shimmy routines atop the bar each weekend (sadly, it's often with all the energy of drugged sheep). Early in the evening, line-dance lessons and country swing moves make the cheesy bar charming—like visiting a foreign country named Tush Push ruled by someone named Kenny Chesney. Later, the dance floor devolves into a mob of singles awkwardly grinding to shittastic country/hip-hop remixes. Unfortunately, the Thunder is a ghost town at times. The bar recently changed hands and the staff is currently negotiating job descriptions—see our excellent newbie ranch hand's quote regarding her run-in with a Thunder manager the night we visited, above. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, TV, DJs, LIVE MUSIC, DANCE LESSONS, OUTDOOR SEATING. (KC)
The Tonic Lounge
Scrabble—the petite bartender loves to watch people play, and giggles at the triple word score for "hooters."
Known as a starting point for new bands, the lounge part of the Tonic Lounge is oft overlooked. Which is a shame, because it's fucking awesome. A diverse menu (which kicks off with an early-bird breakfast) and good selection of beer and liquor are all inexpensive, and the vibe is chill. Because it's never crowded, there's always a great seat and great service on the massive patio overlooking beautiful Sandy Boulevard. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, GAMES, VIDEO POKER, PATIO, TV/MOVIES, JUKEBOX, LIVE MUSIC, FIREPLACE. (APK)
Tony Starlight's Supper Club & Lounge
"Um...beer? I'm kind of a vodka girl myself. But if you're going to order a fancy drink, the Brandy Alexander ($8.50) is fantastic. It's kinda milk-chocolatey."
A longtime fixture on the PDX lounge scene, Tony Starlight has a new home that occupies the somewhat-haunted corner of 37th Avenue and Sandy Boulevard—you know, the one that used to be a Mexican restaurant, and before that, Uncle Butchy's Low Carb Creations, Brandy's, the Blackbird.... But since we don't believe in cursed spaces, we don't care. The snazzy made-over spot has live music almost every night, fancy dessert drinks and a wall lined with the likes of Sinatra, Louie Armstrong and other swingin' types. The patrons seem to match the decor—we saw a girl, swaddled in a '40s-style suit with a trim little Sunday hat to match, shake her ass swing-style on the dance floor. Or, as they said back then, she was "dragging a hoof." And while the drinks are the fancy-expensive type, the mood is happy because lounging, singing and suppering is good for the soul. SMOKE-FREE, HAPPY HOUR, LIVE MUSIC. (LS)
Towne Lounge
He's afraid of the bar's sloped-floored basement with center drain—the spot used to be a funeral home.
The Towne Lounge has two beers on tap and a selection of flavored vodkas, along with TV dinners for the tragically ironic (often found here). But it remains a popular destination because of its eclectic, ever-solid live music schedule. Curated almost entirely by longtime Portland booker Chantelle Hylton's Blackbird Presents, the Towne Lounge is one of a handful of small PDX venues where patrons can find the future of Northwest music. If that means slugging tiny bottles of Sessions and spendy pints of Stella Artois in this dimly lit joint (a cross between the Alamo and the Sands), so be it. These are the sacrifices we make for rock 'n' roll. FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, LIVE MUSIC, DJs. (CJ/WC)
Trust: A Lounge
Try the "new" new wine. Purity is a deceptively dark and tangy concoction of Jack Daniels and muddled grapes.
Trust faithfully follows the instruction guide to owning a lounge in the Pearl: one-syllable name, sleek black lines, generous use of white space. The tiny, less-than-a-year-old space may still be searching for its identity—champagne focus (Dom for $85)? Or fancy martinis (Pom Fizz for $8)?—but the grub is nongreasy (baked chicken wings, $8) and patrons don't seem to mind the ambiguity. Nike execs rule on the weekends, while hipsters dig Wednesday's five DJs in five hours. Just keeping on trustin'. HAPPY HOUR, SMOKE-FREE, DJ. (JM)
Tube
Try the Mind Eraser—a concoction of vodka, Kahlua and soda water. "You take it as a shot and it's great."
Long before
, there were the rabbits in Tube's fuselage. The murals on the cylindrical walls of this stylish dive feature some rather intimidating red-eyed bunnies, but what makes the bar a mandatory downtown stop is its stellar lineup of turntable artists, including a DJ who plays some mean rockabilly on Sunday nights. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, TV, DJs, LIVE MUSIC. (AWM)
Twilight Cafe
Rock 'n' Roll Trivia.
R & R at the Twilight Room on Southeast Powell Boulevard means Rock 'n' Roll Trivia on Mondays (7 pm). When the clock strikes the bewitching hour, the Skynyrd is yanked off the jukebox and a reverential hush falls over the smoky lounge. "Put your rock 'n' roll brains on," says the bartender. And you'll need 'em, because they'll ask some far-out shit. Oh yeah, and the drinks are good and stiff, too. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, LIVE MUSIC, VIDEO POKER, GAMES, JUKEBOX. (CM)
The Twilight Room
After-parties from the kickball league.
By day, the Twilight Room is a neighborhood bar with plenty of graybeards and high-waisted work pants beneath the glow of Christmas lights (which have names next to them—the owner of the last bulb to fade gets $1,000). By night (especially Thursday), University of Portland booty dancers flock beneath the smoke-tinted foil ceiling. In the summer it's kickball after-parties—which bring in some of the nicest patrons around, the staff will tell you. GAMES, VIDEO POKER, OUTDOOR SEATING, TV, DJs, LIVE MUSIC, WI-FI, KARAOKE. (JS)
Vault Martini
Habanero Martini.
Vault is where pretty folk go to mingle and schmooze. If the Pearl District mating scene won't erect your condo tower, Vault's Deuteronomy-sized drink menu, outgoing staff and chic lighting probably will. Transgress your earthy ways through the Seven Deadly Sins ($8), hedonistic cocktail mixes for every day of the week, or try the Joyful Girl ($8), a blend of vanilla vodka and lemon. These are some of the best drinks in Portland. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, DJs, FIREPLACE, SMOKE-FREE. (MT)
Vendetta
A sloppy Joe will cure that hangover for ya.
Vendetta originally planned to open in the Pearl last June, but when the deal fell through, they took all the accouterments to North Williams. OK, not really, but they could have—it's very clean, very new, very blue. Sangria ($6) is best enjoyed on the large patio. Be warned: The shuffleboard is lopsided and bumpy. HAPPY HOUR, GAMES, OUTDOOR SEATING, DJs, LIVE MUSIC, WI-FI, QUEER NIGHTS. (JS)
The Vern
"Are those guys playing
?" "Yes. Yes, they are."
The servers' shirts may read "Hanigan's Tavern," but regulars have known this Belmont neighborhood dive as "the Vern" ever since the neon sign out front lost its first two letters circa 1843. The room may be dingy and choked with smoke, but the cheap-ass beer ($1.50 MGD every night and $2 draft specials), a formidable jukebox and plentiful games (pinball, classic arcades, free pool) make it worth adding to your regular rotation. As one of my drinking companions said, it's the sort of place where you can summon a Lord of the Pit without having to worry that a pretty girl might catch you at it. FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, OUTDOOR SEATING, VIDEO POKER. (BW)
Victory Wine Bar
Even if the mere mention of tequila conjures memories of puke-plastered dorm rooms, you'll love the Tequila Blanco in spite of yourself (secret ingredients: pomegranate and agave syrup).
Exquisite is the best word to describe the Victory. The upscale fare features the best mac 'n' cheese in town (try the spaetzle). Paired with wines from around the globe and excellent service, this dig adds a certain
to the Division district. DRINK SPECIALS, SMOKE-FREE. (JB)
Vino Vixens
"Your mouth is also a dump bucket!"
With the success of her Beaverton store, the Wine Cellar, Erin-Marie Palmer was able to remodel this 5,000-square-foot space using recycled materials only (the floors of the Vatican classroom are from an old Jack Daniel's distillery; the room itself is a converted walk-in freezer) to create a three-part storefront: wine bar, classroom and game room. Most anything from the shelves—many are organic North American wines—can be poured by the glass, and the game room runs like a co-op—bring your own dinner if you like, just clean up after yourself. Otherwise, Ding Dongs and Planters nuts (as well as exotic cheeses and candies) are available to complement your chosen varietal. GAMES, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, SMOKE-FREE. (JM)
Virginia Cafe
Many patrons resemble cartoon characters more than actual human beings.
Part neighborhood bar, part hipster den, part greasy spoon, part cocktail lounge, the Virginia Cafe is the bar that sums up Portland best. Open since 1922, the place oozes history without being pretentious about it. The food is decent, the cocktails are better. Catch it while you can—the building is slated to be torn down in early 2008. TV, HAPPY HOUR, OUTDOOR SEATING, VIDEO POKER, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS. (JP)
Voleur
The sweet, petite, blond bar wench was chatty and attentive—asked how long she'd been there, she gave a wide-eyed response: "Couple of years, I guess. Which tells you how much I like this place, 'cuz I never like to stick with anything."
A class-act restaurant and bar, standing head and shoulders above the Old Town pub-grub rabble. Specialty cocktails are concocted from jaw-dropping house-infused liquors (cinnamon-raisin rum or Oregon pear vodka, for example); the Peach Cobbler ($6) is a stand-out, though they've got some pretty sweet wines up for grabs, too. A limited menu is available till 4 am, including the scrumptious kalamata-olive hummus ($6), which substitutes toasted rye bread for the requisite pita triangles and is plenty for two. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, TV/MOVIES, SMOKING LOUNGE, WI-FI. (SMB)
Voodoo Lounge
The Love Potion and the Big Easy, both house cocktails. Big-ass bouncers.
Frat-house-basement-cum-Burning-Man-haunted-house vibe not your bag? Then swing by Voodoo for their slammin' happy-hour menu (5-7 pm and 9:30 pm-close) before the bouncer-wrangled crowd shows up: House cocktails ($3) are borrowed from Isaac of
's own recipe file; bronzed rare ahi tuna is only $4; and 50-cent oyster shooters come in cocktail "flavors" (kamikaze, bloody Mary and lemon drop). Retire to one of two velvet-pillow-lined "VIP" (make-out) rooms to refuel with a Rockstar Energy Drink-laced elixir. HAPPY HOUR, DRINK/FOOD SPECIALS, TV, DJs, SMOKE-FREE, OUTDOOR SEATING, FIREPLACE. (JLM)
White Eagle Saloon
The seasonals, or, of course, the rich, dark Terminator Stout.
If you can get past the dudes forcing you to pay a cover even though you're not listening to the band, this is a cool, surprisingly divey McMenamins. The atmosphere of this NoPo die-hard is dark and woody (and some say haunted) on the inside, and wonderfully laid-back on the outdoor deck. And if you get too wasted you can stay upstairs at the hotel for around $50. OUTDOOR SEATING, HAPPY HOUR, LIVE MUSIC, TV, (RARE) DJs, OPEN MIC, SMOKING LOUNGE. (KS)
Wilf's Restaurant and Bar
Good rest is the only hangover cure that ever works.
Don that fedora and swing down to Union Station for a martini, some sustainable grub, a bit of jazz and a time-warp to the '30s (without the smoke). The prices may be a bit steep, but you'll feel like you're in a Bogart film. From the filet mignon ($39.75) to the Vegan Delight ($19.50), there's something for everyone—as long as you have the dough. A couple of Amtrak refugees might wander in, but this joint caters mostly to local dames and fellas splurging for a classic night out. LIVE MUSIC, SMOKE-FREE. (WC)
Wimpy's
A replica of a skull keeps watch over this bar, giving One-Eyed Willy a run for his money. On a recent evening he bore the name Mr. Joseph Mudflaps Nelson with pride.
Attached to O'Brien's next door, Wimpy's wears its dive well. Sure, it looks like a rough-and-tumble place on the outside. But behind the door exists a space that's equally welcoming to women clad in Forever 21 and the men who wished they were, too. Happy hour is more like happy day on Thursdays, when well drinks are $2 and PBR runneth over for $2.25 until 11 pm. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, VIDEO POKER, GAMES. (BS)
Wine Down on 28th
"Super yummy" wine menu; brie on the food menu.
Curtained-off booths, sexy servers, live flamenco guitar, a fireplace, for crying out loud—hell, even the bathrooms at Wine Down are romantic. If you bring somebody here on a date and don't score, it is not Wine Down's fault. With its cute but surprisingly accurate wine list descriptions, the place even makes it easy for you to seem like you know something about the vino. Appetizers are tasty, too. LIVE MUSIC, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, SMOKE-FREE. (BO)
XV
Who knows? The hunky, dark drink-slinger had patrons lined up around the bar; it was hard to get a word—not to mention a drink order—in edgewise.
Bar XV is all about heat: ruby lighting, stacks of candles on the bar, thumpa-thumpa from the live DJ and, uh-huh, plenty of sexual heat, too. Wicked Wednesday, a hip-hop night with DJ Wicked and DJ Wels, brings out all the hetero hotties lookin' for a li'l sumfin'-sumfin'—or at least a place to dance their pants off, down a spiky Hot Pants ($7.50), then get in someone's hot pants. Sho' 'nuff. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, OUTDOOR SEATING, DJs, JUKEBOX. (SMB)
Yen Ha Lounge
During k-breaks, one bartender is partial to playing large chunks of the David Bowie canon (most often the "Space Oddity" and White Duke years).
.
Three things assail your senses as you step inside the low-lit doorway of this tiny Sandy Boulevard hole-in-the-wall: the off-kilter lilt of karaoke, an eye-pinching waft of smoke and the mouthwatering smell of cheap Asian grub. In other words, it's heaven. The dive (which is attached to a bigger, brighter Vietnamese/Chinese dining room of the same name) is a no-nonsense "Tom Waits" booze hole, as one bartender put it—complete with stalagmites of regulars attached to the stools and a dude who seems to sing War's "Spill the Wine" all the time. While Yen Ha's incredibly low-slung chairs can make patrons feel as if they've stumbled into drunk-munchkin land, super-friendly servers stoop to deliver huge gin and tonics ($4), finger-burning salt-and-pepper calamari ($9.95) and platters of "Space Shrimp" ($6.95, best name for an appetizer, ever). HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, TV, VIDEO POKER, KARAOKE. (KC)
Zaytoon
Atomic No. 99—Maker's Mark, ginger purée and lemon juice.
Zaytoon is Arabic for olive—a reference to owner Aysha Ghazoul's Iraqi roots. Black-and-white photos of Baghdad line the walls and the menu is Middle Eastern fusion. The decor is simple and elegant—high ceilings, a muted palette and nice details. By Alberta standards, Zaytoon is definitely upscale. But it doesn't snub the area's starving-artist element; Pabst tallboys sit next to fancy, well-mixed cocktails on the drink menu. The loft—pool table, soft leather chairs, floor-to-ceiling open-air windows—is choice seating. Zaytoon is lesbian-friendly and serves RC Cola, which for some reason is just awesome. HAPPY HOUR, FOOD/DRINK SPECIALS, GAMES, MOVIES, LIVE MUSIC, WI-FI, QUEER, OUTDOOR SEATING, SMOKING LOUNGE. (ES)
WWeek 2015