Skip to main contentHey fans, I had something special planned for you today. I was going to talk to some Laker fans—snarling, obnoxious, awful Laker fans—so that we could make fun of them together.
Then something terrible happened. Of the three quick interviews I conducted around the Rose Garden, all four Laker fans I talked to were nice, charming people. Damn it all!!!
THE KID: Benjamin, 15 from Vancouver, WA.
Are you a lifelong Laker fan?
Yeah, lifelong Laker fan.
What is it you like about the Lakers?
Kobe Bryant, the whole team! I think they're one of the great teams in NBA history. They have Ron Artest now, a great addition. They have Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum.
You know Laker fans aren't very welcomed here, right?
Oh yeah. I came here last year, I was on the jumbo-screen, showing off my jersey. Everybody started booing.
How did that make you feel?
I don't really mind, because I'm a Laker fan. So it's all good.
More of these to come. But I warn you, they are even more likable than this. It's awful.
FIRST QUARTER
It begins. THere has never been any love lost between these two teams, though I would imagine they look forward to playing one another. A hearty "you suck!" came from the crowd before the national anthem, and loud "BEAT L-A" chants immediately afterwards. People will be thrown out of the game tonight, others will cry when they get home. Until then, we have the game.
10:58
Andre Miller, freshly shaven head and all, dribbled in for the first two points of the game, but Kobe Bryant got a more emphatic reaction (both cheering and boos) when he hit his first jumper of the night. Things already look scrappy, with Kobe covering the shit out of poor Martell Webster, who has a very tough defensive assignment this evening.
8:21
Portland starts off 9-6, with Andre Miller looking extra-aggressive. That's nice to see. If Portland was considering trading him (as the rumor mill has insisted since day one), this kind of paint play is going to make him a) worth more and b) harder for Kevin Pritchard to let go. The past few games, he's looked like a pretty good fit. And, again, he rollerskates.
6:03
Andrew Bynum gets an easy backdoor alley-oop (you'd think more teams would find a way to run those against this shorthanded Blazer team), and B-Roy hits a long two. It was looking for a minute like this was going to be the battle of the 24s (Miller/Bryant, who have 7 and five points respectively to lead their teams), but perhaps the ball will move a bit more than it did to start out.
5:11
Andre Miller really wants to score. Or maybe he just figures he has the easiest matchup. Either way, Miller's working hard in the paint tonight and it's paying off thus far.
3:56
Nate looks down the bench and hollers for Dante Cunningham rather than Jeff Pendegraph. So interesting to see Nate's rotations right now. One would guess that Pendy would come in to replace Juwan, but perhaps Nate will go small early. Lord knows Andrew Bynum can't play the whole game.
2:00
Cunningham gets called back to the bench. Phil Jackson has now played his starters for over ten minutes, and the Blazers have too, with the exception of a Bayless/Roy switch.
1:45
Things that are adorable, number 1,343: Kids holding anti-LA signs that are bigger than they are.
Kobe squares off against Andre Miller. Battle of the 24s! Kobe hits easily. He is a bit taller, if you didn't notice. But Dre stays on Kobe, and Kobe does the same thing next time up. Still, a Jerryd Bayless three between Kobe possessions means the 'Zers are up 28 - 24. And J-Bay brings it back up to the same spot to hit another one (ill advised) over Lamar Odom. Refs say it's a two. In fact, they've all been twos, with Bayless just grazing the three-point line. Still, impressive long range shooting. Now take a step back, J-Bay.
Blazers lead 30-24.
THE FRIENIMIES: Billy and unidentified Blazer fan friend. From Portland
Are you a lifelong Laker fan?
Always, and I grew up in Portland. Even back in the day, I was battling Rip City. Even back in gradeschool.
What got you into the Lakers?
Magic Johnson, just the whole Laker era. And I'm a big fan of Chevy Chase, Fletch, as you can see here (points to number 99 jersey). I took a Kobe jersey apart. I've usually got the 'fro going. I'm 6'4, 6'9 with the afro. Power Forward.
Back to the game!
8:07, second quarter
Jerryd Bayless coming through. The kid has 14 points already, and I don't have his percentage in front of me, but it must be awful close to 100%.
7:41
Kobe heads to the line for the first time and a big blanket of boos echos throughout the garden. I think he likes it, but still, he misses the first one. Brandon brings it up the other way, and Kobe is all over him. Fans are mad, they want the reach. But Brandon fakes a jumper (a-la-Kobe) and gets smacked on the arm. Black Mamba has little to say about this. Instead, he brings it back up and hits an off-the-glass leaner in the lane.
6:21
Foul troubles: Bynum has 2, Kobe has 2, Mbenga has 3 for the Lakers. Brandon and Dante Cunningham each have 2 for the Blazers. Home team is up six. The fans got real excited about that second Andrew Bynum foul.
5:50
CGI Blaze, trying to rile up Blazer fans by smashing a pie in some Laker fans' faces via the magic of jumbotron, accidentally hits the bald Blazer fan one row below.
4:19
Bynum dunks after two Blazers fly out-of-bounds trying to save a loose ball. When you play the Lakers, you've gotta get a bigger lead than this (six points—oop, eight points with Brandon Roy's layup in traffic). Seems like, if you have anything other than a gargantuan lead, Kobe takes it as a personal challenge and just obliterates you. The ticket is to get so far ahead that Phil Jackson pulls the a-team out of the game in favor of guys like Adam Morrison and Sasha Vujacic. Then it should be a sure thing.
3:01
Because this game is not on ESPN or ABC or TNT, Kobe makes a really ridiculous mental error and simply drops the ball out-of-bounds.
Things are getting fun as we approach the halfway point: Lots of energy, but lots of bumbling the ball. And Kobe Bryant, the master of playing whilst in foul trouble, picks up a third on Brandon Roy. Fans go wild.
2:07
Derek Fisher has missed a couple of long balls, and Ron Artest looks like an absolute chump at the moment. The Blazers get out on the break (!) and kick to Andre Miller for the easy score. Crowd goes bananas. Blazers are up 12. Nice little run there with Sash Vujacic in the game for Kobe.
12.4
Sasha misses a long ball and the Blazers call a timeout...because they can. It's a 20-second t.o. The chants start up again.
Blazers can't score to end the half, but they still take the lead into the second: 55-43.
HALFTIME
QUICKCHANGE!!!
THE COUPLE: Sarah and John
How long have you been Laker fans?
John: About five years.
What was the first thing that grabbed you?
John: Kobe. I mean, he's better than Michael Jordan. There's no doubt. It's not too hard to say because the league was weak when Jordan played. But now there are fifteen or 20 candidates that could be MVP any given year. But [Kobe's] the greatest.
Have you also been a fan for five years?
No [laughing], about two years.
And you guys don't mind being in a hostile environment?
Sarah: No, we love it!
Do you get loud out there?
Sarah: Oh yeah!
Does anyone try to pick a fight with you when you're out there?
Sarah: They will, but it's all fun!
9:07
The Lakers look angry thus far in the third, but Menacin' Miller and company are playing well. The Laker fans, perhaps a bit more lubricated than they were in the first half, are getting a bit louder.
ANDRE MILLER JUST HIT A THREE!
The Lakers, meanwhile, are heating up from behind the arc, and we start to hear them: The screamers, the Kobe-lovers, the gruff-voiced lifers, the bullies. They are here, and now that they are no longer shamed by an underperforming Laker team, they WILL be heard.
6:01
Bynum dunks, then swings his arm into the air and flexes. I think Kobe pattented that particular brand angry showboating, and the Laker fan react with glee while the Blazer faithful scream for a technical foul.
5:06
People are mad at these refs, but not as mad as they usually are during a Laker/Blazer game. Brandon Roy is heating up enough to keep them in good spirits. He hits a jumper to put the Blazers back up by five.
3:57
This one keeps bobbling between three and five points, with Brandon Roy doing a lot of the Blazers' scoring. But Juwan "Slow Train Comin" Howard helps tip a rebound to the Blazers that eventually winds up in LaMarcus' hands upcourt. That makes it seven, and with the bloodletting Kobe Bryant decides to take over. He tips back and forth, makes devil eyes at Martell Webster, then crosses him over before getting to the rim, where Martell hits him. Kobe finishes and scores. He misses another free-throw (that's new for Kobe, and maybe has something to do with his funky fingers), but Odom tips in the rebound to make it a three-point game again. Kobe hits the floor and throws up a shot, but the refs aren't buying. The Blazers rebound, get it upcourt and kick to Martell for three. He sinks. Everyone stands, holding their signs up in the air.
22 seconds
This is getting nuts, as these games always do. Too fast and furious to tell you exactly what just happened, but there were two dumb turnovers and then Martell got clobbered by Kobe (no foul, because putting Kobe into real foul trouble means fans don't get what they pay for), then took it to the basket for the reverse layup. Very nice stuff. Andre Miller passes on a wide-as-can-be three pointer (he had about three seconds to make sure he was behind the line, and still no one came out on him), but decided on a lazy pass instead, which got intercepted by Lakers, who couldn't turn it into points. So here we are: My internet connection twittering (that used to mean something, right?), the speakers blasting til we're all deaf. This is how these games go. And the kids in front of press row won't sit down, so it's going to be a tough quarter to actually see. So THIS is why they put me in the front row this time around!
THIRD QUARTER
If you've never been to one of these games, you simply must go. The crowd spews far more then the regular heckling: It's absolute venom. I don't care if you put twelve six-year-old girls on the Lakers, the Rose Garden would tear them apart. Portlanders are supposed to be open-minded, but they hate anything or anyone wrapped in gold and purple.
10:41
Have you seen that public service ad for American Values, wherein the kid on the high school basketball team knows he touched the ball last before it went out of bounds, and this is weighing on his conscience, so he tells his coach what happened? And then his coach tells the refs and the refs give possession to the other team? I hate that commercial. Refs screw up all the time, and they rarely reverse their own bad calls. So why would you shoot yourself in the foot by fessing up to something that happens all the time around here.
9:49
I heard people wondering aloud today whether Andre Miller would be booed before this game. He was not. And as he leaves the game (with 17 points and six assists), he gets a loud ovation. You think they can move this guy? Might be tough.
Kobe's shot is off. The Blazer fans love to see that happen. And even better, Brandon Roy is busting out every Kobe Bryant trick in the book to draw fouls.
8:53
B-Roy does something Kobe Bryant has never done and accepts that he committed a foul, giving a thumbs-up to the ref after being a bit stunned initially. Greg Oden introduces the parachute drop on the jumbotron. Don't they know that it depresses us to see him? Well, it does.
Blazers up 13. Josh Powell misses his first three, makes his second to get it to a dozen.
8:06
Martell Webster loves playing against the Lakers, doesn't he? He just seems right at home against them. Even if his stroke isn't perfect tonight, he's connecting on a lot of shots. A dunk here puts the Blazers up 16. And EVERYTHING is off-target for the Lakers. If it keeps going the way it's going, Kobe might not get back into this game.
6:49
Laker timeout. I lied. I'm sure Kobe will comeback after this timeout. Amazingly, the shorthanded Blazers, who have NO natural center and only eight men in the rotation thus far, are up by 18 points. The Rose Garden is dancing to "YMCA." T-shirts and other cheap swag flies out at the crowd at high velocity. Predictably, the music guy fades the song out for the "YMCA" part. This happens around this time every time the Blazers have a big fourth quarter lead. How many times have I heard this song here?
6:10
B-Roy faces up Kobe Bryant, getting isolation against him. He's pushing his shoulder against him, testing how hard Kobe is gonna push back. Brandon takes him to the hole, stops in the lane and tosses a floater up above Bryant. Perfect shot. Roy screams and flexes, a rarity for him. You know Kobe hates that shit. He takes it very personally, and comes at Roy the next two times up the court. On the second one, Kobe feels he's been fouled. He has not been fouled, but it pays off the next time he's not fouled, and he gets the and-one. Kobe goes to brag for a moment, looking up at his line in the corner, then before letting out a scream, he stops, likely thinking of the score.
5:05
Again, Kobe chooses to isolate with Roy on offense. But he jukes around Roy this time and gets to the rim. LaMarcus tries to block his shot, but Kobe gets it right on the money. It's a beautiful move. He immediately runs up to Roy and sticks his face on him. Now that Kobe has had a few drives, look for him to dish on the next one. He ain't dumb.
3:48
Rose Garden wants blood. And chalupas. But it's too soon to be chanting for either—they've gotta worry about winning this game, even with a 12-point lead and four minutes to go. We've seen this happen before: Not here at the RG for awhile, but we've seen Kobe do this many, many times in other arenas and back at Staples. He loves these games.
This is also when it must be thrilling for defenders to shut the golden boy down. Bragging rights for days.
3:33
I don't know how the refs deal with Kobe. Even if I had no accumulated hatred of him from my time being an Oregonian, I couldn't handle that scowl and that screaming. I'm surprised he doesn't get twice as many Ts as he does.
Jerryd goes out with 21 points, three boards and assists. A very nice shift for him, and those assists don't tell the whole tale of his passing game. Lamar Odom gets hit while laying it up on the other end, though, and puts two on the board before missing the free-throw, which is rebounded to the Lakers. Kobe gets the ball and throws up a three. It's off, Kobe looks up at his stats (I am not making this up) and then claps his hands together in frustration.
1:50
We're standing up for the rest of this one. The Lakers get it to eight, but B-Roy hits two at the line. Phil Jackson, as you may know, doesn't take timeouts in this situation. And Kobe makes that seem like a smart move, missing but getting his own board and laying it up again. Back to eight. The Blazers run it upcourt and Andre Miller takes his sweet-ass time before kicking it out to Martell for the threeeeeeeeee-NO! Agh! And a loose ball foul means the Lakers are going to the line with just 49.9 left.
28.3
Kobe and Roy were together again, but Kobe decided to let Brandon run right to the rim, perhaps hoping that Andrew Bynum would take care of Roy for him. Bynum was not home, and Roy got an easy dunk to give him 30 points in the game (Kobe has an impressive 32, with eight boards and seven assists---but he likely won't have the win).
22.2
The Blazers wisely let Odom have two, then get it to Brandon Roy, who's fouled and sent to the line. Kobe just now picked up his fourth, which would be impressive had the refs not missed a few of his hacks. The Rose Garden cameramen are relentless in tracking Laker fans as they leave the arena, with laughing Blazer fans all around. As Blazer fans stand and cheer, the Laker faithful remain seated, many of them with arms crossed, wondering what non-contender will beat their team next.
Strangely, the Lakers do not give up with seven seconds and a nine point lead. Phil Jackson isn't exactly known for playing down to the wire when they're losing like this. Martell misses two free-throws (jeesh!), and Lamar Odom hoists up another off-target three-pointer. Once again, the Blazers have knocked out the Lakers in the Rose Garden. Kobe, in particular, took an incredible 37 shots tonight, connecting on only 14 of them. Some credit for that goes to Roy and Martell, but the Mamba looked a little off, too.
Blazers win 107 - 98.
Thanks for reading. See you Sunday against the much more likeable Cavs.
WWeek 2015