Skip to main contentEarl Coleman doesn't sing jock jams. He sings sad, smoky ballads about lost love and loneliness. He's a jazz singer, the yesteryear equivalent to a sad bastard songwriter. And when facing a choice between the jock jams of Survivor, Technotronic and Gary Glitter or Earl Coleman singing standards, tonight I picked Coleman. As my bus lurched slowly over the steel bridge, Earl started singing "Come Rain or Come Shine." And it was perfect.---
"We'll be happy together, unhappy together
Now won't that be just fine
The days may be cloudy or sunny
We're in or out of the money
But I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine"
Seemed like old Earl, pronouncing ever syllable of every word, was describing the life of the hardcore sports fan.
Of course, tonight didn't seem like a night for the hardcore sports fan. No drumline, no '80s cover band, no life-sized dogs handing out pamphlets...no Blaze. It was just some rain-soaked banners and the huddled masses squeezing their way through the Rose Garden doors.
Then Earl got to his next song, "No Love, No Nothin'."
Which brings us here. Storm Large sang the national anthem—she's also big on pronunciation, and accuracy, too. Everyone cheered at the "Rockets' red glare" part. And I thought, "Man, does anyone actually like this song?" I mean, no disrespect to America—we've got our bones to pick but that's another conversation—but haven't you heard that song too many times? Does it really still have an emotional impact? To me it's like eating Cheerios for breakfast or eating a bowl of Top Ramen. It ain't what it used to be. Maybe if I'd been kidnapped by pirates and the Navy came to my rescue...the first time I heard that tune again I might start to tear up thinking about what I'd been through. But right now, it's just another song I've heard too many times. More white noise.
On with the game.
FIRST QUARTER
Two minutes in and nothing looks like it's going to be particularly easy. The Mavs are picking up where they left off, defensively, and the Blazers are getting a bit lost on defense. Both teams dodge a couple bullets before Gerald Wallace gets a put-back layup. Then another. Then a three-pointer. The Blazers are 7-5, but it has looked less like an early momentum boost than a back-and-forth, grind-it-out start.
Gerald Wallace again.
8:29
Well, this crowd doesn't want to listen to any announcements. There's a note about community assists up on the big screen, but all you hear is "LET'S GO BLAZERS" in the arena. I'm sure they didn't mean to dis the Boys and Girls Club like this, but, there you go. Nice to hear it sounding like a soccer stadium in here again.
9-5 Blazers, by the way. All nine of Portland's points have come from the steady hands of Gerald Wallace.
8:02
Gerald Wallace shows off his breakdancing moves (and really, if you're Rick Carlisle you're like "WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BALL FROM THE MAN WHEN HE IS DOWN ON ONE KNEE!?!?!") before dumping the ball to Wes Matthews in the corner for the three. It's a smart move starting the play with Wallace, then running other Blazers off of him. Blazers try the same strategy next trip up, but the pass is stolen and the Mavs wind up getting Matrix (who thus far has looked more like Johnny Mnemonic or Aeon Flux or something) at the free-throw line where he makes it 12=7 Blazers.
6:40
Wes Matthews completes the three-point play to make it 15-7 Zers. I've heard it said that these series are really all about adjustments on both ends of the court. You can see that, when two teams like these are so evenly matched: One game the Mavs look like they can't be stopped and the next they look like they can't get started. One game the Mavs seem to have the key to locking down the Blazers and the next game the Blazers get every shot they want. In micro it's five guys playing ball, but in macro it's so much more. It's position and movement and matchups and all the wonky stuff that takes statistics experts to break down. Every now and then a dope like me catches one of those adjustments and sees what it means, and it makes the game a lot more fun, especially when you've been watching a lot of basketball all season long.
I think I've said this in all three games, but this crowd is at its craziest right now.
4:29
Suddenly the Blazers look cold again. They were shaky to start, missing their shots and clumsily rushing plays. After the last timeout, they came out sharp and accurate. Now it's Portland's time out. We'll see if it makes a difference tonight.
Dude, Kentucky Derby party at Portland Meadows. You gotta do it.
Also, the footage of Greg Oden pimping a Wells Fargo-related promotion looks like it was recorded to my childhood VHS video camera. He's all grainy and the audio is all muffled. That was his rookie year. 1987.
3:26
Fools gold early for the Blazers? It's all jumpshots and threes now and none of those are going in. With 3:05 left, though Gerald Wallace manages to get himself to the rim and score on a desperate-looking long layup. He gets the ball next time up court and everyone in the building is cheering him on—the only sound we hear is "AHHHHHHHHHHHH," which might be "Yeah" and a few instances of "Rad" put together.
1:00
Looks like the whole Blazers starting lineup might just play the whole first quarter. Nate has a few bench folks on the sideline, but...wait, no, they check in with 36.5 left. Brandon Roy, Nic Batum and Chris Johnson. The Brandon Roy storyline is obviously a big one, and he's holding the ball on the Zers first offensive possession with him in the game. He holds until there are six seconds on the shot clock, dishes to big Chris, and Johnson dunks the ball easily. Peja takes a leaner on the other end, but he's off-target. It's 27-19 Blazers to end the first. A nice showing plus some lucky Maverick misses.
SECOND QUARTER
I thought we might reminisce about blogs of old. Even though I can't find the links.
Remember when Stephen Malkmus stopped by for a visit? We watched the Blazers beat the Milwaukee Bucks, if memory serves. Boy did we have fun that day!
11:01
Well, Brandon Roy makes good on his first jumper. Come on now, golden boy! What you got in that tank?
Rudy Fernandez has joined the fray here, and Marcus Camby, amazingly, is still on the floor. They're going twin towers with he and Johnson, which comes as kind of a surprise given that the Mavs have Haywood in the game and not Tyson Chandler. I continue to assert that Tyson getting into foul trouble is key to any Blazer victory in this series, and the big boy is on the bench with two fouls right now.
9:31
Well, if there's one MAJOR thing wrong with the NBA (and who am I kidding, there are a handful of major things wrong with the NBA), it's the Kobe Bryant three-point foul. I say Kobe Bryant in the same way that one would address the Nobel Peace Prize—Kobe is the best in the league at creating contact by throwing his body into a defender from the arch. Peja Stojakovic does it here, and he catches Rudy jumping into him. Now, that may have been a foul even if Peja had gone through his normal shooting motion, but he didn't, he threw his entire body forward—a completely unnatural way to take a three—and caught Rudy jumping in front of him. I've seen Rudy do this, too, so it's not a case of favoritism: The refs have to start calling that an offensive foul, because that's what it is.
9:00
Chris "The Hammer" Johnson is not happy about this last Dirk Nowitzki flop. But Dirk gets the and-one anyway.
8:39
Well, young fella, I hate to say it but you had that one coming. Not a smart foul against Dirk Nowitzki, the king of flops who has a master's degree from Floppingston State University and a Doctorate from Flopton Acadamy of Flopping. (Even as a child, he attended a charter school in Flop City, Germany called Der Flopshtag Acadamich — that's German for The Flop School.) If you're going to give him a little tug on the neck, he's going to turn it into a regular waltz through hell. Refs call it a flagrant one and Chris stays in the game.
8:39
These Blazers need a bit of crowd right now. Portland is booey and complainy and otherwise sorta meh. They need to be cheery and insaney and sorta YEAH.
7:53
Hey, remember when Quasi's Sam Coomes stopped by? WHAT A DAY!
7:20
I wish I really had enough photos of indie rock celebrities to make this an all-out clip show, but I don't. And I feel like this current game deserves at least a few lines.
I wonder if Blazer fans would prefer there be no referees at all? One of these games the refs should just leave the arena in protest—because every call is a bad call to Blazer fans—and let the two teams play it out.
Things getting real ugly for the Blazers. The Mavs are hitting everything, and without a Blazer point guard on the court it's a lot of standing around and a lot more jumpers. I imagine that the speech over at the bench is just "WHEN YOU TAKE IT TO THE RIM, YOU WIN!"
6:24
The headphone game continues to be the best timeout entertainment in the Rose Garden. Tonight Patty Mills admits that he listens to Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A." to get pumped for games and Andre Miller, his ever-unpredictable facial expressions working directly against whatever emotion he's trying to portray, correctly guesses the artist, then pauses awkwardly, then breaks into a guilty smile. "I like Miley," he says.
6:07
Crowd still tentative but the Blazers look a touch more aggressive here in the second half of the second quarter. Until, that is, Andre Miller airballs a jumper that he usually drains.
Wes Matthews drives, but even his route directly to the hoop looks a little bit halfhearted. He falls to one side, throws the ball feebly straight up to the right of the rim and hopes for—instead of creating—contact.
3:13
Our corner of the arena is trying to make a coaching move for Nate: "GERALD WALLACE!" they chant. Seriously, where is that guy? 13 points in the first quarter and he's gonna sit the whole second out? Marcus Camby has almost lapped him in minutes.
Blazers call timeout and the chant makes its way through the whole arena. How often do you hear fans trying to get a substitution made in unison? Their request falls on deaf ears and Nate keeps his lineup in.
2:26
Seriously now, Gerald has no fouls and he was the hero early. I'm not sure why he's not in this game. Still not even ready to check in. Is Nate planning on playing him the whole second half? Is Gerald having back spasms? Seems to me that the fans are right. Marcus Camby has 21 minutes to Gerald's 11, an he's like twice his age, too.
16.2
That's just tired legs right there. Everything hitting the ol' front iron for the Blazers. And Jason Terry drains a nice three to end the quarter, Dallas 52 - Portland 43. Feels a little deflated in here.
HALFTIME
Remember that time Nick Jaina stopped by?
THIRD QUARTER
I ate like five brownies, because I'm becoming increasingly aware that they could be my last brownies of the season. Or ever, really--you never know. I've said every year that I might not do the Blazer thing next year. We've got a new news editor coming in—he may want a real sports journalist on the Blazer beat. Or at least someone who curses less than me. So I ate. And I ate. And now I feel sick. If this is my last game, I want to go out in a blaze of projectile vomit. I want to tell free-throw guy what I think of him and I want to make out with the dancing lady. I want to get high with the Hippie (where IS that guy?) and get down with the old man dancer. I want to do it all if this is going to be my last game—the brownies were just the start.
Earlier I overheard an argument between this section's usher and a man in a monkey mask. "I've been coming here for five years!" he said. "What is the problem!?"
"You can't go down there with that sign!" she said. I caught a glimpse—it was a whining Mark Cuban, but I missed the words in his speech bubble.
"I think everyone here is on MY side," the man in the monkey mask said. I liked that line the most, so I decided to walk away while the whole argument was still abstract and absurd.
How would you feel if you came home from work and your boyfriend (or girlfriend) asked "how was your day, huh?" And your reply was "Well, I had this fat guy who kept sticking his leg out into the aisle, and one of the press guys brought a soda can up even though I told him last time there were no cans allowed in the arena. And then monkey mask guy was all over me because he had a sign with Mark Cuban on it that he just wouldn't drop. He was really pissing me off."
I think you'd laugh. Because everything's funnier in retrospect, really.
11:26
Jason Kidd starts Dallas off. Portland's fans don't think the Blazers can win. I'm not sure I do, either. LaMarcus' shots are all off, the Blazers' drives to the hoop seem half-assed, the defense has gaping holes for pretty much any and every Mav player to get a three whenever he wants. Shawn Marion looks 25 again.
It's an 11-point lead at the moment and it feels like a leadier lead than that 23-point lead.
I heard a media guy in the locker room say "Yeah we're all kinda hoping the Blazers will lose. We'd rather they lose here than lose in Dallas. And they can't win in Dallas."
I don't exactly share that view. I think anything can happen in a Game Seven, so I'd like to see it happen. We could have one hell of a party, anyway.
Gorilla guy found a place to stand with his sign. It's just Cuban in a Blazers jersey saying "Rip City, Baby!" Maybe it's too big to go in the monied section? Idunno.
9:06
Sometimes you lack hustle and sometimes you're just cursed. Might be the latter for the Blazers. Mavs are focused at the moment. Looks like a different game from the start. And someone on press row smells like tuna fish sandwiches. And the drunk guys in the row in front of us are just standing around right in our line of sight. One of them is just ridiculously drunk. He can barely stand up straighThere's a big guy trying to cut past him and dude won't let them walk by. So maybe we're cursed, too.
8:16
I find myself distracted for a couple of minutes and then I hear lots of cheering. But I look down on the court and everything is the same. 11-point deficit, nothing falling.
Finally Gerald Wallace takes the ball to the hole again and gets an easy layup. Not easy for you or me, but easy for him. And I'm still wondering, where was this guy for the last 13 minutes of the first half? When Roy got hot, he stayed in for the rest of the game, and he's an injury risk. I expect to see Gerald out there for the rest of the game if he stays the only real hot hand in Portland's arsenal.
7:25
Nate comes out on the floor to talk to his crew while Andre Miller takes the technical free-throw. Miller dribbles a long time and you get the feeling he's not going to make it. He doesn't make it. Maybe Portland's sick of airplanes.
6:37
Gerald Wallace is still the hot hand. He takes a blind turnaround jumper and drains it, nothing but net. He single-handedly gets the crowd from bitching mode to cheering mode. And on the way back up court he pushes Rick Carlisle, who is two feet out onto the court. Suddenly you feel a little tide change. And you also worry it might be coming too early.
Mavs in foul trouble. Andre Miller misses another one from the line and the fans try to cheer him through it. It's a seven-point lead for Dallas. Terry's back in and you get the feeling he'll find some looks here. Dirk, however, is getting smothered by Aldridge. Even though LA hasn't been a big offensive force he comes in handy as a big, smart defender on the big Kraut.
5:20
Jason Terry gets a wide-open look, with LaMarcus looking too scared to contest his shot. Wes Matthews flies by and extends his arm towards Terry's knee. It's something we've been seeing lately in the league, though I'm never totally sure whether defenders are trying to clip a shooter's knee or whether it's something more superstitious than that—whether the illusion of someone running right beneath your legs is supposed to throw you off-balance as a shooter.
3:36
Dallas. Is. Getting. Every. Shot. They. Want. Marcus Camby is too tired to contest Tyson Chandler's dunks or defend small guards, and everyone else is just letting guys cut to the lane. If the strategy is a "lure them in and let our bigs stop them" kinda thing, it's a strategy that is failing miserably.
3:18
Gerald Wallace looks like the only guy playing basketball out there.
Portland brings in Nic, finally giving Marcus Camby a rest. Uncle Camb has to be swating pretty good about now. Blazers down 14 and it's looking like they've just got nothing in the tank. The Mavs look fresh as can be.
2:24
The ball bounces, bounces, bounces—shoots from corner to back and back to the opposite corner. Finally Brandon Roy has it in front of the Mavs bench and he surveys the landscape, exhales and then locks in—he drains the shot. Blazer fans hoping for a quick momentum switch are met with a Mavs timeout instead.
They should cut all the contests out of Blazer Playoff basketball. It should just be the teams and the fans. But aside from one very rowdy luxury suite filled with kids who look like they're at a Mardi Gras party rather than a Blazer game, no one's cheering. They're just watching Sarah figure out the name of '80s money-themed movies. The game is actually dimming this crowd's enthusiasm. Bad call!
2:21
Still a 13-point Mavs lead. There's got to be real doubt creeping in to the Blazers' heads by now. Like, "Even if we get to Dallas, will we have anything left? Couldn't we just sleep in our own beds tonight?" That's what I'd be thinking, which is why I'm not a professional basketball player. Among other reasons that I've detailed in this blog time and time again.
Two Jason Terry shots in a row. Mavs up 17. This crowd seems offended that the Blazers are sucking. They seem to be taking it very personally.
36.6
Wow. That was some of the worst defense I've ever seen, and I've seen it now three possessions in a row. Does Jason Terry have cooties?
0.0
Gerald Wallace is fouled in what looks like the last second of the game, but the refs are running it back to make sure it happened before the buzzer. The replay makes it look like no foul should have ever been called, but lucky for Blazer fans that's not an option the refs can choose. He is pushed in the back a bit. They talk it over a long time.
0.4
Trippy, huh? Two shots for Gerald. 0.4 left on the clock. But even with a 13-point deficit going into the fourth, this is not looking good for Blazer fans. The "no-quit" philosophy is going to be tested here. This is a tired, weary team that hasn't strung together two minutes of winning basketball since the first quarter. There's some deja vu here, sure—but can Brandon Roy really go Brandon Roy when the other team knows he's Brandon Roy? I'm thinking he might make a fine decoy. I just don't know who else is going to come through at this point.
The Blazers were outscored by 17 points in the second quarter and four points in the third.
FOURTH QUARTER
Marcus Camby is still in the game. I'm not sure his plus-minus really looks all that good at this point, but he starts the quarter with a floater on the dish from Gerald.
11:22
Gerald Wallace drives to the hoop and gets hit by Dirk, who throws his fist while staring at the referee. I think I see him mouth "fuck you," too, but maybe it was German. Hard to get a technical foul in this series, I'll tell you that.
10:35
Brandon Roy passes up a wide-open three but he gets it to Rudy, who hits his first three of the game. His first field goal of the game, in fact.
10:04
The Blazers get out on the break after a steal, but the refs quickly call an offensive foul on Dirk Nowitzki. Not sure how it can be offensive after the ball is out of Dirk's hands, but that's what the Blazers get. You kind of wish they'd had a chance to complete the break instead, because it would have been big for this crowd. Still, God never closes a door without opening a window. Or whatever.
9:24
Earlier, the Blazers drove to the hoop a couple times, didn't get the call and then stopped driving hard. Now they're starting to get the calls, and it's making a world of difference in the energy level of the team.
8:49
Dirk is a robot. But LaMarcus is playing with the same cold, mathematical approach right now.
JJ Barea: Also a robot. Hot shooting all around right now. Somebody has to crack. Seven-point lead for Dallas. Dirk has 25 and LaMarcus went very quickly from 16 to 24 over the course of the last four or five possessions. It's a game.
7:26
I don't recall ever hearing this particular piece of zombiefying, bowel-shaking assembly line house music in this stadium before.
7:00
Dirk chokes first.
6:31
Wes Matthews is bailed out with a shooting foul. Hits both. Five-point game. No more typing.
5:51
Well, the Rose Garden is definitely in it now. The bouncing, the vibration, the endless sea of white hands coming together.
The old man dancer and dancing lady lead the cheerleaders at center court. Now's my chance to storm the court and make out with both of them. Though if they brought back the hippie, I think this place would explode. You bring out the hippie and the Blazers win this game. No question.
5:21
Gerald Wallace, man. That's a whole lotta dunk. And, of course, Jason Kidd swishes a three to answer. Talk about a crowd-silencer. Plenty of game left, but that's a big one.
Marcus Camby with some very big plays. The guy has been in the game for almost 40 minutes. I can hardly believe he's standing.
4:04
Mavs go up by six. Gonna be a nail-biter. Is there anything more cliche to say than that? Because you know I'll say it if I think of it.
This one's going down to the wire.
Season on the line. Four minutes. Brandon Roy with the ball. If you don't like this, you don't like basketball. Seriously, how am I doing with these cliches.
Wes Matthews misses a wide-open three. He doesn't feel like being a hero right this moment, I guess.
3:25
Big charging call on Dirk.
3:07
Gerald Wallace at the line again. Rattles the first in. Five-point game. Swishes the second. Four-point game.
2:55
Wow, Jason Terry dribbles backcourt. Big one. Real big one. And he's pissed.
2:34
LaMarcus Aldridge gets fouled by Dirk. MVP chants. Really, I think that's decided. He clunks the first free-throw. Disbelief in here. The chants stop.
TNT calls a timeout. When the opposing coach calls a timeout in this situation, it's usually to try and "ice" the guy on the free-throw line. I think it's real shitty for a TV timeout to land in that same intermission. And it successfully ices Aldridge. Seriously, there's no policy against that? This late in the fourth?
2:01
Two-minutes gets called and the ball's flying between Dirk and Kidd. But it's Terry who drives to the court and gets his jumper off against Gerald Wallace, who doesn't jump to meet him.
Dallas ball with a minute left. This looks over. Miracle or nothing. Miracle or the season is over.
46.2
A few fans heading for the exits. Jason Terry crosses the half-court line again, amazingly, and gives the Blazers possession. But with so little time left, it's pretty deflated in here. "Twist and Shout" playing in the arena. The kids are dancing, at least. But just the kids. Everyone else is standing, wide-mouthed. Camera zooms in on a series of long-necked Blazer geeks and well-dresed boomers. They've all got the same look on their face.
Miracle or nothing.
32.3
That's going to be game.
Almost absolutely silent as the Blazers are forced to foul.
Well, fans, it has been a series.
Dirk makes his first free-throw.
A shorter series than you'd like to see at this point, but a series nonetheless.
30.3
Crowd starts a futile chant of "Let's Go Blazers" and the long-faced team makes its way to the court. A ref is yelling at Gerald Wallace, telling him about the rules o the inbound. He doesn't look like he's hearing a word of it. The Dallas bench goes arm-in-arm, ready to burst out on the court when the buzzer sounds. And yet Wes Matthews drains a long three—one everyone here wishes would have come much earlier—to make it a five-point game. Without a steal on the inbounds pass, though, it'll just go back to the kind of tit-for-tat stuff that leaves this game a six-to-eight-point Mavs win.
9.8
Coaches don't get the luxury of sitting down and crying in this situation. They don't get to sprawl out on the floor and refuse to let go of the ball or slam their fists against the padded goalpost. They just stand there, arms crossed.
The Blazers and the Mavs exchange hugs and half-hugs and mull around. And I don't have the heart to go back there tonight.
Postscript
Who knows what this team will look like next year. There are changes that need to be made and battles that this group can't seem to win—but at the same time it's hard not to be inspired by just how tight these guys are out there and everywhere. I think it's my favorite group to date, and any one piece shipping out is going to be a hard pill for these guys to swallow. That's sports. That's the business of sports. And the business might get really rough in the next season. It could be a long, drawn-out battle between owners and players. It might put fans' perceptions of this league in the shitter. It might put the livelihoods of a lot of people I've come to know and have genuine affection for in jeopardy.
I stick around to watch the ushers scour the aisles and the ladders go up on the baskets while the cameramen take their slam-cams down. The odd rattle of thundersticks and pom-poms echoes from one side of the bowl to the other. Earlier you couldn't hear the person next to you and now you can hear conversations and isolated crosscourt hollers from everywhere. A place this big gets lonely very quickly. I find myself wishing I could stay and watch it in time-lapse, until they picked up the trash and took apart the floor, then watch it come back together for summer concerts and monster truck rallies, all the way into next season when the dome fills to the rafters again with black and red jerseys. It'd be good to get some perspective on it that way, because each game seems its own isolated world for me each time I'm here. The next one and the one before don't exist when I'm all eyes in the fourth quarter. And, funny enough, I don't know what it's all for. I don't know why a second round is any better than a first, or why strangers hug and cry when these guys they don't know put a ball through a basket.
But then why do we cheer for anything? Why do we root for weddings that turn into divorces or new babies that get old and die? I'm seriously asking and I know it's a dumb question. I'd just love if I could feel every day the way I feel in the fourth quarter, when I'm here and things are deafening.
Have a good summer, thank you for reading.
P.S. I took this my first season of blogging Blazer games. I was pretty stoked.
WWeek 2015