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Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Weekâs trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
Less than a month later, Pizza Hut launched a re-branding campaign to establish itself as the bold pizza of today on November 19th with âThe Flavor of Now,â including a new logo, a commercial featuring Italians declaring the global chainâs product ânot pizzaâ and adding hip, new ingredients to the menu like spinach. (Note: Haute-N-Ready isnât taking the credit for this change by the pizza wing of Yum! Brands, Inc., but itâs not necessarily not taking it, either.)
Spinach is only the tip of the iceberg. Pizza Hut has also added banana peppers, âpremium salami,â and other toppings that most pizza joints already offered. But wait, thereâs more! The Kansas-based chain also offers pretzel crustâas previously seen at Little Caesarâsâbuffalo sauce, and a honey-sriracha sauce. (The cool kids still like sriracha, right?) The menu has also expanded to include balsamic vinegar and a toasted asiago cheese crust to lure in the Panera crowd or something.
In short, the Flavor of Now is a hodgepodge of traditional ingredients, popular things people like on non-pizza food items, and a few zany wild cards tossed in. Is it pizza? asks the franchiseâs commercial. I took advantage of the current two medium pizzas with four toppings total for $13.98 deal to find out.
Banh mizza: With the addition of a sriracha-based sauce, seasoned ground pork and my love of portmanteaus, the banh mizza was a foregone conclusion. I topped it off with red onions and the honey sriracha crust for good measure. The sriracha sauce was laid onto the pizza too sparinglyâthe honey too strong a flavorâfor this to live up to my fevered dreams, but it was otherwise solid. The sweet pork, roasted onions and sweet and spicy pepper sauce made for an enjoyable if unexciting pizza. It turns out that drizzling honey sriracha over the crust does make for an unpleasantly sticky crust.
Salami, banana peppers and pretzel crust: This is my attempt at recreating Lonesome Pizzaâs exceptional Burt Reynolds vs. that girl that stole my cd collection vs. a pride of badgerâexcept with a pretzel crust because why not. Salami and banana peppers remains a divine pizza combo. The pretzel crustâmore pretzel-y than Little Caesarâs pretzel bread Hot-N-Ready but still not too far removed from the makers putting brown food dye on the crust and sprinkling some kosher saltâadds a nice salty touch to an already salty pizza. This is the best pizza from one of three major pizza chains Iâve ever had.
Buffalo chicken pizza: This is one of those specialty pizzas that is fairly common. Replace the tomato sauce with buffalo sauce, toss some chicken on, maybe sprinkle some bleu cheese in with the mozzarella and bingo bango: you have a bold, exciting, ânewâ take on pizza. I also added in some of the new Peruvian cherry peppers. After being less than satisfied with the amount of honey sriracha sauce on the banh mizza, I also added an extra helping of the buffalo sauce for an additional fee. The buffalo sauce had a nice flavor, albeit too mild for my taste. The chicken had a nice flavor, albeit served in too large of chunks. The Peruvian cherry peppers had a nice flavor, albeit there were too few of them. The final product is a serviceable pizza wholly lacking in the kind of punch you would expect from something with buffalo sauce poured all over it.
Salad pizza: Last but not leastâwell, actually least in this caseâwe have the salad pizza. Spinach, roasted Roma tomatoes and toasted asiago cheese on the crust with a spiral drizzling of balsamic vinegar, this pizza is the greased up, carb heavy equivalent of health-conscious fast casual fare. This milquetoast pizza handles about as youâd expect. The asiago cheese crust was not bad and less greasy than several of the other crust options, I may well attach it to a more deserving pizza in the future.
Are any of these new additions to the new in-your-face, rastafied-by-10% Pizza Hut truly pizza? Certainly not in the Neapolitan sense of the word, but they are a marked improvement from the chainâs traditional fare. It is still very much Pizza Hut pizza, but there are a few more interesting toppings and sauces now. If like me, you live out on the edge of civilization where the likes of Dominoâs, Papa Johns and Pizza Hut are the only real delivery options, the Flavor of Now is a game changer in your still somewhat sad pizza situation. Dominoâs reassured you that their pizza doesnât suck as much as it used to, Papa Johnâs decided to throw a bag of Fritos on a pizza, and Pizza Hut thought you might like banana peppers on your pizza. That, my readers, is a welcome change.
Spinach is only the tip of the iceberg. Pizza Hut has also added banana peppers, âpremium salami,â and other toppings that most pizza joints already offered. But wait, thereâs more! The Kansas-based chain also offers pretzel crustâas previously seen at Little Caesarâsâbuffalo sauce, and a honey-sriracha sauce. (The cool kids still like sriracha, right?) The menu has also expanded to include balsamic vinegar and a toasted asiago cheese crust to lure in the Panera crowd or something.
In short, the Flavor of Now is a hodgepodge of traditional ingredients, popular things people like on non-pizza food items, and a few zany wild cards tossed in. Is it pizza? asks the franchiseâs commercial. I took advantage of the current two medium pizzas with four toppings total for $13.98 deal to find out.
Banh mizza: With the addition of a sriracha-based sauce, seasoned ground pork and my love of portmanteaus, the banh mizza was a foregone conclusion. I topped it off with red onions and the honey sriracha crust for good measure. The sriracha sauce was laid onto the pizza too sparinglyâthe honey too strong a flavorâfor this to live up to my fevered dreams, but it was otherwise solid. The sweet pork, roasted onions and sweet and spicy pepper sauce made for an enjoyable if unexciting pizza. It turns out that drizzling honey sriracha over the crust does make for an unpleasantly sticky crust.
Salami, banana peppers and pretzel crust: This is my attempt at recreating Lonesome Pizzaâs exceptional Burt Reynolds vs. that girl that stole my cd collection vs. a pride of badgerâexcept with a pretzel crust because why not. Salami and banana peppers remains a divine pizza combo. The pretzel crustâmore pretzel-y than Little Caesarâs pretzel bread Hot-N-Ready but still not too far removed from the makers putting brown food dye on the crust and sprinkling some kosher saltâadds a nice salty touch to an already salty pizza. This is the best pizza from one of three major pizza chains Iâve ever had.
Buffalo chicken pizza: This is one of those specialty pizzas that is fairly common. Replace the tomato sauce with buffalo sauce, toss some chicken on, maybe sprinkle some bleu cheese in with the mozzarella and bingo bango: you have a bold, exciting, ânewâ take on pizza. I also added in some of the new Peruvian cherry peppers. After being less than satisfied with the amount of honey sriracha sauce on the banh mizza, I also added an extra helping of the buffalo sauce for an additional fee. The buffalo sauce had a nice flavor, albeit too mild for my taste. The chicken had a nice flavor, albeit served in too large of chunks. The Peruvian cherry peppers had a nice flavor, albeit there were too few of them. The final product is a serviceable pizza wholly lacking in the kind of punch you would expect from something with buffalo sauce poured all over it.
Salad pizza: Last but not leastâwell, actually least in this caseâwe have the salad pizza. Spinach, roasted Roma tomatoes and toasted asiago cheese on the crust with a spiral drizzling of balsamic vinegar, this pizza is the greased up, carb heavy equivalent of health-conscious fast casual fare. This milquetoast pizza handles about as youâd expect. The asiago cheese crust was not bad and less greasy than several of the other crust options, I may well attach it to a more deserving pizza in the future.
Are any of these new additions to the new in-your-face, rastafied-by-10% Pizza Hut truly pizza? Certainly not in the Neapolitan sense of the word, but they are a marked improvement from the chainâs traditional fare. It is still very much Pizza Hut pizza, but there are a few more interesting toppings and sauces now. If like me, you live out on the edge of civilization where the likes of Dominoâs, Papa Johns and Pizza Hut are the only real delivery options, the Flavor of Now is a game changer in your still somewhat sad pizza situation. Dominoâs reassured you that their pizza doesnât suck as much as it used to, Papa Johnâs decided to throw a bag of Fritos on a pizza, and Pizza Hut thought you might like banana peppers on your pizza. That, my readers, is a welcome change.
WWeek 2015