Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Weekâs trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.
Thatâs when I noticed the Burger King smiling at me while I waited for a train at the Zurich Hauptbahnhof. âAll Starâ by Smash Mouth played from the speakers as I stepped in and ordered a childhood favorite: a Whopper Jr. combo with onion rings instead of fries. Sure, it cost nearly three times as much, the diet cola came sans ice and I had to pay extra for ketchup, but this was what I was looking for. I was home. Kind of.
I find myself in Zurich again this weekâsuch is the life of a typical Willamette Week freelancerâ but with a different goal in mind. The numerous McDonaldâses, Burger Kings and Starbucks spread throughout this Swiss city are more than just rest stops for world weary Americans; they are major exporters of American culture. The Big Mac is to international cuisine what Mickey Mouse is to cartoons. When McDonalds first opened up in Paris in 1972, excited Parisians donned their most elegant dinner wear for a night of fine dining and Royales with cheese. I took this opportunity to visit McDonaldâs, Burger King, and Subway to experience these outposts of Americana as a professional fast food writing guy.

In a twist, the raclette in the McRaclette is not melted. The cheese is softened from being tossed onto a hot burger patty. At 12.70 Swiss Francs (CHF)â$13.15 in real moneyâfor a small combo, the McRaclette is competitively priced for the country. But, unlike so many cheeseburgers produced on this side of the pond, the McRaclette uses real cheeseâa phenomenon echoed by most of the menu options designed to appeal to the locals. The McRaclette also features a Ciabatta roll, pickles and a sauce au poivre raclette that, to my discerning taste buds, was similar to ranch dressing.
Alas, this particular McDonaldâs was out of rösti friesârösti is another Swiss specialty, similar to hash brownsâso I enjoyed my McRaclette value meal the traditional American way: mit pommes frites and 4 deciliters of Coca Cola Light. McDonaldâs fries taste the same no matter where you go, although the dipping sauce options are more interesting. The server will ask whether youâd like mayonnaise or ketchup (0.20 CHF extra, by Luciferâs beard!), but you can also go for the truly European curry sauce among others.

Subway
I find myself in Zurich again this weekâsuch is the life of a typical Willamette Week freelancerâ but with a different goal in mind. The numerous McDonaldâses, Burger Kings and Starbucks spread throughout this Swiss city are more than just rest stops for world weary Americans; they are major exporters of American culture. The Big Mac is to international cuisine what Mickey Mouse is to cartoons. When McDonalds first opened up in Paris in 1972, excited Parisians donned their most elegant dinner wear for a night of fine dining and Royales with cheese. I took this opportunity to visit McDonaldâs, Burger King, and Subway to experience these outposts of Americana as a professional fast food writing guy.

McDonalds
Things have changed in the 40-plus years since, but the Big Mac and Whopper are still on the menu. However, they are served alongside locally tinged options, such as rösti fries, the Dutch cheese-filled Claus burger and the source of this columnâs title, the McRaclette. Subway, too, offers a âRaclette Ziit.â (McDonaldâs also offers some of the United Stateâs regional ethnic cuisine like the âGrand Chicago Classicâ and âSouthern Chicken Cajun.â)
âWhat in Godâs name is Raclette?â youâre asking yourself, brutishly furrowing your brow while scanning your philitisinic brain for some semblance of culture. It is both a cheese and a method of cooking said cheese popular in Switzerland. This cheese is cooked until it bubbles and then scraped over potatoes, bread and pickles among other things. You can find it served on street corners or buy a home raclette kit that looks similar to Korean table grill.In a twist, the raclette in the McRaclette is not melted. The cheese is softened from being tossed onto a hot burger patty. At 12.70 Swiss Francs (CHF)â$13.15 in real moneyâfor a small combo, the McRaclette is competitively priced for the country. But, unlike so many cheeseburgers produced on this side of the pond, the McRaclette uses real cheeseâa phenomenon echoed by most of the menu options designed to appeal to the locals. The McRaclette also features a Ciabatta roll, pickles and a sauce au poivre raclette that, to my discerning taste buds, was similar to ranch dressing.
Alas, this particular McDonaldâs was out of rösti friesârösti is another Swiss specialty, similar to hash brownsâso I enjoyed my McRaclette value meal the traditional American way: mit pommes frites and 4 deciliters of Coca Cola Light. McDonaldâs fries taste the same no matter where you go, although the dipping sauce options are more interesting. The server will ask whether youâd like mayonnaise or ketchup (0.20 CHF extra, by Luciferâs beard!), but you can also go for the truly European curry sauce among others.

The McRaclette
Subway
Subway is also fully onboard the raclette bandwagon. The âRaclette Ziitâ while shown as a sub in the advert actually just means that raclette is one of their cheese options. It is not prepared in any traditional way other than it is toasted along with the rest of your sub. Scharfe (spicy) salami fills the role of pepperoni at Subways in this countryâpepperoni is an American thing that does not exist out here, although there are a wealth of delicious substitutes for pizza (paprikawurst is my favorite so far). The raclette doesnât add much flavor and the result is a sandwich that tastes remarkably similar to the chainâs stateside offerings. (Thankfully, the racletteâs foul odor is also absent.) At a mere $8.80 CHF ($9.11) for a 15 cm (5.91 in) sandwich, Subway remains an economical choice even abroad.


Whither raclette?
Burger King
The King seems to have adopted a more pan-European approach to its menu over here. The Clausâpaired with their other seasonal sandwich, the Santaâfeatures two slices of Dutch cheese and steak sauce (only 15.90 CHF for a value meal). Belgian waffles are on the breakfast menu. Last but not least, there are Alpentaler, also known as deep-fried alpine cheese balls. Be warned: if you thought Burger King put too much mayo on their sandwiches in the US, youâve got another thing coming.
American fast food abroad is an odd experience. We eat at McDonaldâs because it is cheap, fast, portable and we donât need to leave our car to get it. In Zurich, most people do not drive. Many restaurants and food carts offer take-away instead, which is less expensive than dining in. While still relatively inexpensive, you wonât find any sign of McDonaldâs eco-nom-nom-nomics out here. Yet McDonaldâs and Subway are still popular. The food may have been recalibrated for a European audience but the look, feel and vibe remain the sameâeven if the jukeboxes are still stuck on execrable late 90s pop for some reason.
American fast food abroad is an odd experience. We eat at McDonaldâs because it is cheap, fast, portable and we donât need to leave our car to get it. In Zurich, most people do not drive. Many restaurants and food carts offer take-away instead, which is less expensive than dining in. While still relatively inexpensive, you wonât find any sign of McDonaldâs eco-nom-nom-nomics out here. Yet McDonaldâs and Subway are still popular. The food may have been recalibrated for a European audience but the look, feel and vibe remain the sameâeven if the jukeboxes are still stuck on execrable late 90s pop for some reason.
WWeek 2015