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Portlandia, Season 5, Episode 2: 10 Rules for Dating My Mom

The Peeves: Couples' therapy, stepparents, masculinity, GoPro culture, elaborate wedding proposals that go viral on YouTube.


Put a Cap on It: The second episode of the season begins with an ad for Creative Jungle Digital Playground, a media production company—err, glorified wedding videography service. It then cuts to Nina (Fred) and Lance (Carrie)—perhaps best known from Season 1's "cacao" sketch—in marriage counseling. Is Portlandia back to the old sketch format?!


Nope. Looks like this season is committing to the one-story-per-episode model, and this one's all about Nina and Lance. Nina wants to settle down but Lance, surly and macho as ever, doesn't want to commit. To be fair, he's under a lot of stress. His mom is coming to visit, toting along the latest in a string of boyfriends. His name is Justin (played by Justin Long), and he's a lot like Lance: mustachioed and aggressive about his knowledge of cars. Come to think of it, Lance's mom is a lot like Nina, boxy haircut and all. You OK, Fred and Carrie?


While at the Chinese Garden, Justin asks Lance for permission to marry his mom. Lance agrees to spend some time with Justin, so they go to Oaks Park and hit it off, and he gives him his blessing. Justin plans an elaborate proposal—Creative Jungle calls in a fake amber alert; Justin and Lance's mom spot the car; they chase it to a warehouse. But the driver isn't a criminal, it's a guy with a mandolin! Justin proposes and Lance's mom says yes. But then the real cops come, and shoot at Nina, who is there waiting to celebrate, but Lance jumps in front of the bullet. But he's not dead, it's a proposal gag! Nina says yes! Yeah! Everyone's married! Nice! Wait, what incestuous overtones?


Best Bits: "Marriage is for pussies," says Carrie (as Lance). What's funnier than one of the foremothers of riot grrrl using "pussy" as a pejorative? At another point, Lance tells Justin, "Welcome to Portland," as if there's something intimidating about the inner-eastside corridor where the show takes place. He's clearly forgotten that rumbles only happen here when Sharks and Jets from competing productions of West Side Story stumble into the same food cart pod looking for vegan poutine at 1:30 am.


Duds: Portlandia has done the whole "obnoxious creative entrepreneurs" thing before, like in the infamous (all together now!) "put a fucking bird on it." As great as it is to see Justin Long's upper lip through a GoPro, it doesn't really justify shoehorning in the Creative Jungle bits.


Deep Cuts: Anybody who grew up in Portland, or is raising kids here, will recognize Oaks Park. Here's a drinking game just for this episode: Every time Portlandia shows a part of Oaks Park where you've seen someone puke in real life, take a drink. If you see a part of the Chinese Garden where you puked, you really shouldn't be drinking, dude. If you puke while playing this drinking game while at Oaks Park, you are way more committed to art than I. The blog is yours.*


Grade: C+. This episode sees Lance evolve into a great character, the embodiment of myriad male insecurities that appear in hip culture: love of cars, facial hair, defiance of cultural norms. Unfortunately, he's really the only character. Long is just an older version of Lance, and Nina doesn't see much growth. While the GoPro schtick is funny, spoofing wedding videographers really feels like bottom-of-the-barrel territory. If Fred and Carrie plan on picking at it for every last media huckster, it's going to be a looong season.


*But only if you send photographic evidence to jhelmsworth@wweek.com.

WWeek 2015

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