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Say what you will about the invisible hand of capitalism, but it turns out allowing capable adults to pay for and dispense their own beverages without human interaction is a perfectly fine business model.
Leave it to an enterprising Ohioan who grew up with the privilege of pumping his own gas to bring us Soma Kombucha Taproom (3777 SE Belmont St., 503-980-4065, symplefoods.com), an unmanned automat of sorts that allows patrons unmediated access to seven taps of kombucha with just a swipe of a credit card.
At the ARCO station a block away, you'll find surly clerks who'd rather be smoking a cigarette than pumping your gas. "It's awesome for introverted people who just don't want to have to deal with somebody who doesn't really want to be there," says taproom owner Jean-Pierre Parent. "You have to tip them to hand you something. I could've just as easily hit the button and done it myself."
A pint of kombucha costs $4 via a Square app. Furnishings are sparse, with just a few steamer trunks and a bench covered with velvet throw pillows. The gentle thump of electronic Punjabi music and the contrast between unfinished wood and colorful tiles lands halfway between a nouveau-riche suburban Indian restaurant and a porn scene that starts with yoga. This makes sense: Parent spent time in both India and Los Angeles before moving to Portland for the food and yoga scenes.
The brew runs sweet and is hit-or-miss, with the purple carrot ginger being the most balanced of the lot without leaning too heavily on the ginger. The unflavored "pure" handle is a solid choice for the sugar-averse, but the Coffeebucha is best avoided unless the final slurp of a fountain Coke spiked with old office coffee is of particular appeal.
Luckily, there's not a human in sight to judge your selection or inhibit your sampling, so you may as well try them all before landing on one you enjoy. Or leave the place without feeling guilty about a doe-eyed counter employee wondering what she did wrong. It's totally up to you. Until the taproom is finished installing seven surveillance cameras—and fixing the glitch in the card reader that allows prepaid debit cards with no ties to person or place to gain anonymous entry to the building—recourse is severely hampered.